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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
It's wrong to have a child without a spouse; children deserve two happily married parents, straight or gay.
Many people choose to be single by their choices of "mates" and their demands that people fulfill their fantasies.
Just a quick reality check on E. Kay Trimberger's number crunching and the conclusions she appears to draw from it. I don't doubt that Trimberger's general hypothesis is accurate-- more women are living alone and having a great time doing so. But the trends she infers from census data aren't as cut and dried as she presents them, and the "wave" of women choosing to remain single probably isn't quite as large as she asserts.
Trimberger hangs much of her theory on the fact that 45% of women over 15 are single now compared with 38% in 1970, an increase of 7%-- significant, but maybe not as society-altering as she presents it. More importantly, there are other reasons beyond Trimberger's conclusions that account for some of this. There are more widows today than in 1970 as longevity increases and women lead disproportionatley longer lives than men. I'm not sure either of my 80-something grandmothers who are both widowed and have lived alone for several years now were aware that they were participating in a social revolution!
On the spectrum's other end, we all know that both men and women are choosing to marry later, and so the pool of 20-something singles is also much larger now than in 1970; but again, most of these women will eventually marry. If you looked at the percentage of women over 30 who were single (vice 15), you'd still see an increase from the 1970's, but not as much. Trimberger was a little selective in the statistics she used, because these more detailed breakdowns are available.
Finally, she cites a dramatic decrease in cohabitation, from 87% to 57% since 1970, as evidence that singlehood may soon be the new norm for women (and presumably men too, unless polyamory becomes an option). But the same factors-- later marriages and more elderly women without partners-- play a powerful role in this too.
Trimberger is right, of course, that more women are choosing "singlehood" and finding it a fullfilling way of life; their numbers will probably increase in the future. But marriage or cohabitation will also probably remain the goal for most. The real revolution that has redefined our society is delayed marriage (or "delayed adulthood"). That phenomenon means that most of us will live a far greater portion of our lives as singles, with enormous economic, social, and political ramifications-- even though most will "settle down" in the end, much to grandma's delight.
There is no question Doc Trimberger is right that society places way too much emphasis on finding a soul-mate, whatever the hell that's supposed to be. Having said that, a lot of people are alone because they have unrealistic expectations, even if those expectations are fostered by a society that teaches us to commodify everything, even each other.
On the other hand, If she wanted to write a book to give herself a sense of justification, well, why shouldn't she? If you have a PhD, people are more likely to publish your book, and then you can make some money channeling and rationalizing your angst.
But maybe the Doc never found a man because of her white, white-collar millieu. How would I know, right? Yes, I'm speculating, and stereotyping. Nevertheless: a less attractive person is far more likely to find someone if she doesn't exclusively hang out with the latte-sipping set, who are more sternly evaluative of you than other American castes.
...just under 54 million women ages 15 and older -- or 45 percent of all women -- are single, up from 38 percent in 1970."
I don't think of a 15-year-old as a "single woman." Can you even marry without parental permission at that age? Maybe they used the same age range in the 1970 Censusm but it still seems skewed to me.
I'm skeptical of "scientific" studies performed by people who have a preconceived notion they are trying to prove.
I have little doubt there are more women nowadays who are single, earning a decent wage, and especially for financial reasons are distinctly less desperate to couple than were many single women of the past.
But are these single women really loving life on their own" ? That may be true of sociologist Trimberger, but I suspect she may be overreaching when she asserts this is common among single women in general, even the good wage earners.
The modern feminist movement triggered by Betty Friedan has had some very positive effects on society, one of which is to greatly open up career possibilities for women. This has had the side effect of removing old parental role models for adult living, since many of those role models are simply inapplicable today.
This means that men and women are having to pioneer new modes of living by making it up as we go along -- and that's not easy.
So finding the "right" partner can be much harder for enlightened single adults than it used to be, since who knows what "right" means anymore? And once someone has lived alone for a decade or two, it's not that easy to suddenly surrender half your independence and share your domicile with an intimate partner.
i was very glad to see this article in Salon. i am happy living alone, and get irritated when coworkers and other casual and not-so-casual acquaintances assume i am unhappy. I wonder how they would react if i were to attack their life choices with assumptions about the quality of their homelife. This book is a breath of fresh air in the current soul-choking environment of Bushistic mind-control.
It is all to do with affluence. These days many women in the US can afford to live alone and live well too, but it is doubtful if this is a preferred mode of living for more than a small number.
That old saying "two can live as cheaply as one" is not really true, but has an element of truth when it comes to paying for a mortgage, furnishings, or utilities.
Bringing up children alone is something that few women will do by choice, though many end up that way anyway.
Going on vacation alone has its problems too, as most things are geared towards couples. Of course you can go with friends or in groups too, but in general a room is cheaper when shared with someone else.
Living alone also requires a certain amount of self discipline. My grandmother, in her last years lived alone and even when serving her lunch, would transfer vegetables into a serving dish on the table, before placing them on her plate. No one these days would be so meticulous, but there remains a general temptation to fall into slovenliness when it is only you.
Much of the initial coverage about Fort Hood turned out to be wrong. Is there anything wrong with that?
The accountability imposed by another country for the CIA's kidnapping and torture reveals much about our own.
Fox News' morning show plays to type, talking about whether Muslims in the Army should face "special debriefings"
The survivor and author is upset about comparisons some on the right are making to genocide
Once seen as a lunatic fringe, reactionary anti-women groups are courting respectability
Salon headlines in your mailbox
