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• Wednesday, December 14, 2005 12:36 PM

  here's a secret none of us want to talk about - some of us are miserable alone...

  This article (and the book it's written about, presumably) amount to nothing more than cheerleading intended to make women feel better about the fact that they haven't found partners yet, by putting forward the premise that they want to be alone. I'm here to speak the shameful truth that not all of us are happy to be alone.

  I'm saying this irrespective of the fact that there are some women who sit at home watching dating shows on TV, or are pressured by family to hurry up and get married, and that most of us are bombarded 24/7 by images of happy couples walking on the beach or curling up on couches or snuggling infants. I'm speaking from the personal, sociological, psychological perspective of a woman who has been without a partner (I don't use the word "soulmate", either) for much of her adult life.

  Let's be realistic for once and forget the political ramifications of speaking about single women in their 30s: humans are social animals, and it doesn't befit (most of) us to spend our lives alone and without companionship, emotional support, a shared vision for the future, someone who will ask us how our day was, etc. Of course you can get many of these things from trusted friends and close family members, but you'd be lying if you said it wasn't qualitatively deeper and infinitely sweeter, coming from someone with whom you shared a private, romantic love.

  I understand that relationships are hard work, and that some people do prefer to be alone, but I am tired of being made to feel ashamed of the very natural emotion of loneliness. I don't need to be told not to feel this way, that someday I'll find someone. I no longer believe I will, and now I'm reconciling myself to that. If you scratch the surface of this article, it appears that many of the research subjects are struggling with the same conclusion. It's not triumphant - it's tragic.

  Yes, I do have friends and a support network and have done meaningful things with my life, and pursue passions that keep my mind off my perpetual singlehood, and I'm a reasonably fun/intelligent/attractive person, but regardless of whatever circumstances have led up to me being here (past hurts, bad timing, personal faults), I remain pessimistic.

  —CLo
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