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Read other letters about this article
I am so delighted to read about a book finally addressing
the reality of women's lives today. As a therapist and a
woman, it is so disheartening to constantly hear women
bemoan and society demean the status of single women.
Women waste so much of their time feeling inadequate and
socially inferior because they have not redeemed themselves
through the blessing of a man's proposal. And because of
the change in women's economic status, because of their
increased independence, they are no longer forced to marry
simply to survive. But the ideology that buttressed that
constriction of women's lives still lives on; there remains
a potent stigma against women remaining single. Moreover,
most women's ideals of who they are supposed to
marry are patently unrealistic. They look for some
idealized form of a man, someone larger than life to
transform them as if marrying an ordinary man will consign
them to further ridicule, if not pity. Back when women's
lives were thoroughly controlled by men, when women were
cloistered, dependent, uneducated, it didn't take much for
a man to be impressive. His superior level of freedom and
power alone gave him an aura of glamour. Now, as women
gain more freedom and power, men are revealed as no less
and no more than human. The only way for a man to maintain
his mystique is to remain aloof and rejecting. And so
many women fall for that, clinging to the unavailable, non-
committal man as if there's something special about him,
and, in their terror of "settling”, dismiss any man that
actually can engage them in a loving, reciprocal
relationship. This phenomena is not only about sexism and
changing sex roles. It's also about our culture
of narcissism. So many women want Daddy's, they don't
want husbands. They want someone to magically grant them
self esteem, free them from financial and other adult
responsibilities, and fill all of their emotional needs.
So I am delighted to hear of a book that finally admits
that the emperor has no clothes. When more than half of
all American women are single, being single is no longer
a failure, it is in fact the norm. If women (and men)
want to find a partner, if they want sex, if they want
love and intimacy in their life, they're going to have to
accept the reality of modern life and make their choices
accordingly.
