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• Thursday, December 15, 2005 03:52 AM

  Ups and Downs of Singlehood

  It's so refreshing to read an article regarding single women (of which I am one) that doesn't make us all sound like neurotic, desperate spinsters who look back on our lives as nothing but lost opportunties and relantionships. I cannot count how many affairs and family functions I've had to attend in past years when the first questions regarding my life are "Who are you seeing now?" and "When do you plan to settle down?" (I seem to get that one most at weddings.)

  I am single both by choice and circumstance. By choice, I mean that I deliberately chose not to marry men who I believed would not be good husbands, or that I could realisticly see being married to the rest of my life. By circumstances, I mean that I haven't met someone that I want to marry and there are times when I can't even be bothered to put the effort looking. It's been several years since my last serious relantionship, and I'm actually ok with that.

  I'm realistic about my life. For the most part, I'm pretty happy with it. I have a nice circle of good friends, both married and single that I socialize with. I do date on occasion, but I don't have the patience to waste time on relationships that don't seem to go anywhere. I have a good job that I enjoy and find a sense of fulfilment with. I have hobbies that keep me busy and I like to travel and explore the world around me. Sure, I do get lonely at times. That is normal, but I don't sit around crying in my Ben & Jerry's over the "one I let get away".

  Sure, I would have liked to have been paired up by now, at least in a serious relationship if not marriage. But I made the choice a long time ago that I would rather be alone than stuck in a bad relationship. If I do have any regrets, it's that I haven't met someone that I wanted to marry, not that I turned down the ones that have asked over the years.

  They were the right decisions then, and even looking back, I know that they were the right decisions for the woman that I am now.

  Maybe I am a bit committment shy, but I do consider marriage to be important and not something to just rush into. I see women my age already divorced at least once (a few multiple times) and I just could not do that to myself or my family. I look at the last man I dated seriously, who wanted instant committment and when I was not ready to give it to him, broke up with me to get back together with his ex (who he then broke up with three weeks later).

  I would like to find someone to share my life with, but I'm not willing to just settle for whoever deigns to be with me just to have someone to hang on to at the next family wedding. I don't live my life looking for "the one". I enjoy what I do, meet interesting people and who knows? Maybe someday I will met that person that I would be happy to spend my time with. But my whole existence isn't spent waiting for that to happen.

  —wendy goodman
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