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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
I don't understand the rancor towards Waldman for simply admitting to her complicated thoughts and feelings about weight and body image. It's not even up for debate that we live in a culture where we're constantly (women especially though not by any means exclusively) receiving contrarian messages about the pleasures of consuming rich, fatty foods vs. the simultaneous "requirement" that we must be thin in order to be desirable. Talking openly about those messages and how receiving them contiinually, from childhood through old age, affects our mental health is not whining. It's the simple acknowledgement of a reality we live in. There are plenty of people who maintain a fairly average, healthy weight without undue difficulty who are, nonetheless, tormented by the desperate fear of gaining weight or getting fat. There are people who live with body dysmorphia so crippling that they literally punish, mutilate and kill themselves.
I'm guessing that women who loathe themselves because they're not as thin as they think they should be would LOVE to flip a switch and stop caring that they're constantly being assessed and judged on the basis of their weight. There are doubtless a thousand other places women would prefer to put their energy and time than into obsessing about body image. But it's ignorant to tell these women they should simply shut up about it, or slap them down for daring to discuss their reactions to a culture they actually do live in.
>>Ms Waldman failed to touch on the main reason anorexia is becoming more prevalent in all parts of society. Like footbinding and lead-based facepowder being pathetically scrawny signifies that a woman is not only so wealthy she can avoid physical labour, but that she is willing to undergo a great deal of personal discomfort to conform to another's wishes. All this makes her good wife or girlfriend material for the self-obsessed robber barons who sit at the top of the social pyramid. As long as we live in a society where the elite find fluffy females desireable, women will emulate these traits in the hopes of moving up. Dangerous beauty practices don't go away because women get together and decide to love their bodies. They disappear because average joes and janes come to find the class differences they signify intolerable. Making half-hearted comments on beauty coming in all sizes while secretly hating your belly won't change a thing. Fighting to make America a true meritocracy will.<<
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Christ, I think this reader had spent too many years taking intellectually-bankrupt women’s studies classes.
Fat is not a social issue, it's a health issue.
Guess what? Unlike footbinding and lead-based facepowder, being thinner is actually healthier for you. I don’t mean 80 pound-anorexic-thin, and I don’t mean that a healthy endomorph will look like a healthy ectomorph. I mean having a healthy percentage of body fat, no matter what your underlying bone structure is like.
To imply that most of the women at the top of the social pyramid are anorexic or unhealthily thin is beyond absurd. There is a big difference between a thin-boned woman who wouldn’t notice a few extra pounds and one who is unhealthy. Try going to one of the websites about body mass index (BMI) to see what is considered healthy—you might be surprised by how thin someone can be and still be in the “healthy” range.
I am one of those women who has people openly criticize me for my weight, because I'm naturally small boned and thin. My BMI varies between 20-21, well within the "Normal" range of 18.5 - 24.9. (And, incidentally, I also do not engage in unhealthy practices to maintain my “fluffy” female form – I eat healthy portions of well-sauced meals, don’t believe in low-fat or diet foods, and get moderate amounts of exercise.)
Ha ha ha! Hattie, you're funny! Saying that you are surprised that thin women say they get insulted out of one side of your mouth , and then calling them "cadaverous" out of the other!
Me, I am of pretty average build. I'm a little bigger in some parts than I would wish, and a little smaller in other parts. I even wrote a poem about it and Salon published it. I get comments from people who I barely know about how "skinny" I am (which I'm not, I'm smack in the middle of the bell curve). It's not meant unkindly, so I don't take it that way, but I can't help but think "I don't make comments about your size and shape, what on earth makes you think it's OK to make comments about mine?"
But whatever, it's beyond me. To me, the saddest thing about this is that dining on well-prepared food is one of the most fabulous experiences that humans can have. It takes hold of all five senses:
* the aroma of roasted meat, herbs, garlic, onion, wine, the scent of baking spices that swirl through an entire house five minutes before the goodies are done;
* the sound of vegetables sizzling in a saute pan, the "whoomp" of a liqueur set alight, the clatter of pots and utensils by a busy chef, the "pop" of a wine cork and the clink of glasses raised in cheer;
* the texture of a soft cheesy polenta on a cold, cold night, the way the fork slides through a filet, the baby's-bottom feel of yeasty bread dough and the rubbery way it wiggles to and fro when you twirl lumps of it into strands to make s-shaped buns for St. Lucia's day (tomorrow!);
* the excitingly lumpy asymetry of a homemade apple pie, parti-colored pinwheel arrangements of fruit slices on a meringue (fat free!), an artfully presented roast beast with bright fruit or veggies or herb sprigs lining and surrounding it on the platter;
* the taste of home-cooked, of meals prepared from scratch, of trial and error, and of a job well done.
What a shame and a disgrace it is that we have taken what could be and should be a glorious communion of mind and body and turned it into a perpetual snarly battle of sinful gluttony versus morally upright austerity. Yes, I do love to cook and eat French cuisine. No, I don't use cream sauces every night of the week. Yes, it would be nice if my bottom half were a little smaller. No, I am not going to deny myself the joy of delicious food so I can squeeze into a pair of $100 jeans.
Food is meant to be enjoyed, sensibly and in moderation as with everything else. Turning it into the enemy -- along with the people who prepare it, and those around you who also consume it -- serves nobody.
(If, after all that, you still can't enjoy a tasty meal because you're worried about your tush, pack up and move to a Brazilian neighborhood like I did. They love women with nice curvy bottoms. That solved all my image problems.)
I noticed quite a few letters from thin women who are upset at Ayelet Waldman's comments about Paris Hilton and Lara Flynn Boyle. Boo hoo, they say, why do people hate me because I'm thin? To me, this is like a rich person complaining that poor people resent them, or white people complaining about how hard it is to be white. Get over it; your pain doesn't compare to theirs.
I'm thin too, have been my whole life. It was no fun in junior high and high school when everyone else was developing and I wasn't. But you know what, as an adult, it's nice to be thin and be able to eat what I want. It's nice to lose all that pregnancy weight fast, and it's nice to be able to go clothes shopping without feeling lousy about my body. That said, I'm sensitive to the fact that for the majority of women in this country, weight is a neverending struggle. I'm aware that most women CAN'T eat what they want all the time, and that, if they're the least bit fat, people judge them harshly at every turn. I'm grateful that I don't have to deal with that, and anyone else who is thin should stop whining and count their blessings.
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Salon headlines in your mailbox
