- Top Features:
- War Room
- Glenn Greenwald
- Broadsheet
- Joan Walsh
- Camille Paglia
- Since You Asked
- Follow Salon:
Read other letters about this article
Women obsess about their weight because they are convinced their looks are the most interesting and valuable thing about them. Men don't obsess about their weight because the think -- they KNOW -- that whether or not they put on 10 or 15 pounds, they are still smart, funny, can change a tire, fix a garbage disposal, and might have a chance at that hot little blonde in the corner (ya never know unless you try, right?). Fat simply isn't part of their equation, even if it is part of their stomachs and thighs.
Women never seem to be satisfied with how they look because they are always, always comparing themselves to some other woman and feelng despair that her bosom isn't as big, her thighs aren't as thin, she isn't as tall, she isn't as tiny, she isn't as blonde, she isn't as dark and mysterious, etc. etc. ad nauseum. Men just don't think this way. They are convinced of their worth regardless of how much taller, better looking, richer, smarter, funnier are the men around them.
So what's the reason for this? Myself, I think it has to do with women's fear of open, healthy competition - a fear to be seen to be striving. When you refuse to compete openly because it's not 'feminine', when you pretend your whole life that winning isn't really that important 'as long as we all just have fun', when you refuse to take control of your life and be goal-directed, which means to *set* and *achieve* milestones (i.e. compete),...you turn all that sublimated desire to compete/win, against yourself. You savage yourself with messages of loss and self-hatred: "I'm not good enough as I am". You slyly pick out other thin women and talk sneeringly abou them (how dare they succeed where you have failed!), and pretend this catty hatred is somehow 'saner' than bemoaning your thighs but refusing to put the fork down or, lacking that, run the 40 miles or so a week it would take to burn off the excess calories you've eaten and stay slim. Or, barring that, to just accept the consequences of your behavior and put a different spin on the memory -- I didn't put the fork down, and I gained weight, but my oh my weren't those yams *tasty*, I wish I could eat some more right now!
In the arena of weight, appearance and self-esteem, women need to take a page from men's books. Self acceptance is an attitude. It's achieved with practice. A good dose of rational thinking doesn't hurt either. Slender does happen to look better than fat - it's not a tryannical idea that only women labor beneath, it applies to all people- male and female. it's just a fact. But it's also a fact that weight is not the most important fact about *anyone*, it is just one fact among many. Women must decide - if it's important to them to be slender, then take in fewer calories than you burn. If you don't consciously set out to do this, then expect failure. If you fail, keep it in perspective - extra fat is not the end of the world, or the end of your looks, or even remotely tied to your worth as a human. And don't be a poor sport and get pissed at other women for succeeding where you can't, or won't.
