Letters to the Editor
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The Rocklin Mystique
Any savvy Calif. Democract living in or near Rocklin, CA (the home base of Total 180) could relate a few telling details about the town's demographics. This former sleepy small town is now a site of sprawling McMansion developments and (along with its neighboring Roseville, CA) is notoriously one of the most conservative white-flight areas in the whole state. Picture hoardes of aging cheerleaders wheeling gargantuan luxury SUVs with pro-Bush and Marriage = Man + Woman bumper stickers to the local Galleria on Saturday and the local "Mega-Church" on Sunday and well . . . you get the idea. Of course, these women have every right to make their own choices regarding parenting and to publish their own magazine about these choices, but I don't think this particular magazine was the right "fit" for Salon. (Reread this woman's response to the question about low-income mothers, if you can stomach it, and you'll see my point.) Salon, there are so many thoughtful mags, websites, articles and books about the phenomenon of educated career women staying home with their kids, but I'm afraid this magazine isn't one of them. Look harder next time.
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Good God, Rebecca, you don't know what you're talking about
Rebecca, you need to steer clear of any topic that involves mothers or children. You are simply too naive and way too judgmental about choices many women make which seem undesirable to you. Unless a woman is working -- producing something deemed worthy of you for a paycheck -- then she's being oppressed and feminism is the worse for it.
I am a stay-at-home mom mostly by choice, but only because the alternative was working very much full time away from my daughter. I didn't make the choice for your approval or to bolster my credentials as a feminist. I did it because I am madly in love with my daughter, too selfish to let someone else teach her to walk and talk and wipe her butt. I was also committed to breastfeeding her for a long time. My job simply could not accommodate me: the company had no daycare, they refused to let me bring my daughter to work (gasp! Rebecca, I didn't get to work from home and watch Martha Stewart insult celebrities), and I would have had to pump breastmilk in a bathroom stall, which was gross but I did for a month until I decided to quit. I was raised by a working mother who was raised by a working mother (we are all feminists, by the way), so leaving a career was shocking especially to me. It turns out, I'm still a worthy person, even without gainful employment. I also think my daughter is a better person -- not better than other children, but an even better version of herself than if she would have been cared for during long working hours by someone besides her parents since birth.
I recently subscribed to Total 180! magazine, mostly because I wanted to see their take on giving up jobs, how to manage on one (not so great) income, the politics of staying-at-home, and relatable anecdotes. Your characterization of the magazine is rather off, though you quoted it verbatim. The magazine is obviously just getting off the ground and their attempts at humor rely mostly on the shorthand mothers often use in speaking about their lives -- "he ain't getting any, he let me out, this job is thankless." I don't think every mother experiences every one of the "problems" they write about -- maybe editors went a bit overboard. But they do have a point. Post-partum hormones do a number on a girl's sex drive (isn't it great that these women are not being forced to put out! Doesn't THAT score one for feminism, Rebecca?); any all-day work can make you feel trapped so getting "let out" is just a matter of speaking; people like you, Rebecca, no doubt squirm with irritation when people like me bring their kids into coffee shops and restaurants, on planes or to parties so raising kids being a thankless job isn't so much about your kids not thanking you, it's about the childless making you feel like shit for allowing your kids to commingle with them.
Personally, I cannot wait, Rebecca, for you to have kids. Since you're apparently the feminist-in-residence at Salon, maybe we'll get to finally read your feminist take on actually relevant articles about the healthcare system's regulation of childbirth, or a humorous piece the ridiculous waste of time it is to divide childcare and house cleaning and food shopping and present buying right down the middle, 50-50, your-turn-not-mine. (Sometimes, you just take on family life as a team, you know?).
Finally, in your interview you very cleverly get Klett to fall back on crappy arguments for why being a stay-at-home mom is important. I wish it were good enough to say I gave up a career because I wanted to give full-time parenting a try, but we stay-at-home-parents are always making excuses for our clear lack of work ethic (if only I could be a lobbyist for environmental causes -- something of high-ranking importance!). I would think Klett regrets connecting working mothers with a child's destructive behavior like drug abuse, which you then broaden and make her statement one of blaming feminism for drug abuse. But since you brought it up, in this and so may other articles you seem thoroughly satisfied with what feminism has done. In this article, yourself, you point out that low-income women don't get the same choices as Klett and her buddies when it comes to "opting out." Feminism isn't causing problems, but it sure isn't helping women and children get healthcare, good daycare, paid maternity leave (for more than six weeks), higher wages, job security, good public schools, regular or flexible work hours, affordable housing (did you see the feature on housing costs in the magazine?) and other things you take for granted as a single (and someday, perhaps not single but still) financially comfortable woman (and perhaps mother).
I think the title of the magazine is the saddest statement about where women find themselves in the United States today and you missed the chance to at least acknowledge that. The magazine is Total 180!, not Almost 90 or Periodic 20, but a complete turn around from career to motherhood. There is hardly an in between, yet it's the in-between that most mothers (and fathers) want. Rebecca, that's what you should be freaking out about.