As a 40something women,I'm surprised and very aware of how others, men, women,young and old try to manipulate me into playing the role of nurturing caregiver. A man will walk past and get greeted or waited on in neutral or matter of fact tones. I will get greeted in a sickening sweet cuddly wuddly want to puke, May I help you ma'am? (I detest being called ma'am). They are looking to make eye contact and reassurances from me in short, they expect me to mother them. Also I'm surprised by the number of people, even strangers, who fully expect women to emotionally caretake them. I know men that my age and older that I will intentionally not invite over because they will try to turn me into this mommy role that makes them cookies, does their laundry, listens to their problems and then leaves. I do not rise to the bait. The absurd myth is that women are nurturing caretakers when in reality that role is shoved down our throats constantly. I'm aware that it is a form of manipulation. By using female energy to spend on themselves, men become strengthened and females don't have much left over to fulfill their own needs. Men also use this strength that they get from taking ours by controlling and dominating us. This is the essence of the Adam and Eve myth. That women were put on earth to be male slaves and all our actions have to be in the best interests in serving men but never doing anything for ourselves. Hah! I parcel out my energies very carefully and spend most of it on myself, because I'm a career women with a child.

There is actually tons of male,domineering egotistical energy out there and very little feminine energy floating around. When people sniff female energy out, they try to gooble it up for themselves. People like to use us without respecting us. If women are wise, they will be very discriminatory about how they give their energy away.

These motherhood feminists are all about gender. As if men are biologically incapable of being nurturing. Oxytocin, the "mothering" hormone, is created by men too, and spikes for new fathers just like mothers. Especially when they are very involved in the process. Of course men in general will never be as nurturing as women on average, but to pretend that fatherhood and motherhood are two categorically different things is rubbish. There are plenty of dads out there who are more baby-oriented than their wives. If people don't challenge these stereotypes, then they are just reinforcing them.

Their same gender bias justifies these "motherhood clubs" where men are invariably demonized to some degree.

And of course many moms work because they want to. There are many parents out there earning second incomes that do not cover their childcare costs. They may pass themselves off as breadwinners, but they're not.

Well,

I don’t know how to start this letter.

Qualifiers: male, 26, single

Whenever a pregnacy occurs, sacarfices are made. I can only speak of my childhood. This may be a product of being a poor Southern liberal, with Republican parents.

Women train the children; this is not a burden, but a gift. My mother is college educated but took four years off (~100k) to raise my brother and I. My dad sold his Corvette for a house payment.

Career men and women who want to do right by their children and still drink wine and go out are fooling themselves. It is not about money. If one can afford a nanny, they are cheating. Kisses on foreheads and whatnot. My parents quit drinking for twenty years to buy my brother and I shoes.

A healthy sex life is the burden of the couple. However comma, children are needy bastards, though they are loved. A certain social aspect is done.

This is where all you Yankee liberals piss me off. You want cake and to eat it too. Just bake it and have a slice. And forget trying to be late-twenties. Make him wash the dishes. Grow old and fat and have fun.

Austin Smith

Gee, what would stay-at-home moms do without Rebecca Traister around to set us straight? Otherwise, who else would have the audacity to inform us that, while we think we have it good, we're actually brainwashed, oppressed victims of a 50s-style military industrial complex?

Ya know, Rebecca, having worked in the media myself, I could write a "180"-style story about the life of a staff writer for an online publication. I could write about working for unreasonable editors for paltry sums, or about deadline pressure, all of which might occasionally make me want to scream. Or I could talk about the ultimate insignificance of a job that involves churning out trumped-up, pious laments over desperate non-issues. But unlike Rebecca, I wouldn't be so arrogant as to label that "scary" or as to make alarmist generalizations about life for unmarried working gals.

I'm a stay-at-home mom and I work part-time from my home. And, yes, omigod, I do most of the housework and childcare. In return, my husband doesn't bother me with the pesky task of bringing home the bacon, and that affords me a great deal of freedom. That's called a division of labor, and it works for me for now. Who in the hell are you to tell me it doesn't? Just because our arrangement doesn't look like a Communist collective doesn't make it "scary."

Get out of the 70s and get a life.

Rebecca Traist is often funny and observant, but it would have been nice to see a review of this magazine done by someone who can at least vaguely relate to the subject matter. As a feminist mother, I'm sure I'll be alarmed when I receive my sample of the magazine, but probably not as alarmed as I was by Rebecca's condescending judgment of the reality of mothers' lives.

Rebecca Traist is often funny and observant, but it would have been nice to see a review of this magazine done by someone who can at least vaguely relate to the subject matter. As a feminist mother, I'm sure I'll be alarmed when I receive my sample of the magazine, but probably not as alarmed as I was by Rebecca's condescending judgment of the reality of mothers' lives.