Having read the NYT Sunday Mag excerpt and the New York magazine article, I think the existential dilemma Ms Dowd waltzes around cheekily is fairly straightforward:

Don't all of us with even a glimmer of historical awareness really just want all the advantages of bygone days with none of the disadvantages, along with all of the advantages of modern times with none of the disadvantages? The inability to pull that off smoothly leads to neurosis, frustration and confusion, at best.

It is incredible to me that people can speak with unchecked prejudice as freely as Maureen Dowd, so long as it is remains only sexist in nature. Why are sexists given such free reign to unfairly generalize when racist discussion is typically nipped in the bud almost immediately? Maybe that's because if we were to replace the gender issues with racial ones, it would be quite easy to answer many of these questions.

Why? Because most people agree that while many racial stereotypes may have some (albeit usually miniscule) basis in reality, we should look at the individual before we look at the demographic. Have you ever been asked, "Are whites necessary?" Probably not. Well, are they? Probably not. Does that really get to the heart of anything?

Traister can try to sort through the chaff to find some wheat, but it sounds like the point is being missed by a distance far greater than the breadth of the "rarefied D.C.-N.Y. corridor of power". We have to start looking at people as people and stop trying to make snap judgments out of misguided classification, be it by race, gender, country of origin, or sexual orientation. The healthiest relationships I know are not formed on a basis of gender roles, but on a basis of personality.

Race becomes an issue when you make it one. Gender becomes an issue when you make it one. If you stop looking at someone as a man or a woman and start looking at them as a person, things become a lot easier. Sure, men and women are different. But any given woman is quite a bit different than most other women, too.

Maureen Dowd's writings may serve as a good catalyst to get people talking, but that should not be confused with an endorsement of her own sexist generalizations. Forget whether feminism is dead or not. It doesn't matter. It's time for the discussion to evolve beyond the "feminists vs. non-feminists" mentality altogether.

I haven't read Maureen Dowd's book. I have read her columns. I have also read the letters here and elsewhere that bemoan the fact that men "don't want" or are "intimidated" by successful women.

Bull. Women say this are as odious as women who say that nobody likes them because they are jealous of how good looking they are. Take it from a member of a family full of good looking successful women who've never had any dry spells: it's not them, it's you. Get over yourselves.

And furthermore- let's lay to rest once and for all the myth that "powerful" (?) men like Donald Trump can wed 20 year olds and everyone thinks it's great. Everyone thinks it's funny. Does anyone seriously doubt that Martha Stewart couldn't marry a young goldigger if she wanted to? Please.

OK, here is the deal. Maureen Dowd is exactly the same age as I am. I have a girlfriend who is exactly twenty years younger than I. I am reasonably prosperous, though not wealthy, fairly good looking, though not beautiful, very well read, and having a BA in English, and some newspaper experience could be said to have something in common with Ms. Dowd.

However, I am quite sure that if I were to ask her for a date she would not be in the slightest bit interested in me. Nor I in her, for at her age, no matter how well painted, coiffed, dressed, toned, liposucked, botoxed, and hormone replaced she might be, the fact remains that she is a post-menopausal women, and therefore not exactly what we guys are looking for.

Not only that, but she seems to have a lousy attitude. Success in relationships usually depends more on thinking what you can do for the other person, regardless of your sex, than on focusing on what they can do for you.

Ms. Dowd seems to be having a hard time with the transition to cronedom, so is there hope for her?

Perhaps.

A reviewer of Germaine Greer's book The Change said: "Only when a woman is stripped of the two overriding reasons society values her (physical beauty and childbearing) is she free to become her real self, or as Greer puts it, can she evolve from a body to a soul."

As I read the letters that imply negativity towards Ms. Dowd (rightly or wrongly), I am reminded of my own experiences. At 27, I know that I do not know everything, and will offend anyone older than me that has learned and experienced much more than me, but I have learned that a woman will always be questioned about her choices. Everything a woman chooses regarding relationships or a career will be met with, �why?� regardless of the choice made. Feminism hasn�t died, it�s just that life is complex, and our social norms, education, and cultural biases clash. If you choose career first, you are questioned as being selfish, thought of as not loving your kids, and thought of as seriously, personally flawed if you are single. If you choose marriage and family, you are questioned as not being independent, allowing yourself to do the bidding of a man, and never wanting anything for your own life. You�re damned if you do, damned if you don�t.

I think the resulting discussion illuminates the fact that we, as a society, need to re-evaluate gender roles. Why is there so much hatred and pity for a woman who is single? I would go as far as to say that, this negativity towards the article has primarily come from men. Is it because they don�t understand what it�s like to be a woman?

Finally, is a single, educated, professional woman out of touch? Probably not more so than any other category of a woman you can make. We all have our own experiences and several factors that influence our decisions. As humans, we experience stereotype that encompass our gender, race, and sexual orientation. All of these play into our �worth� as a human, as perceived by society. What matters is what each of us does to break out of the stereotypes and find worth in ourselves. Feminism hasn�t died. It can�t, because women still must overcome so much, and we still want what we know we deserve-- respect.