I actually have a friend who acknowledged that it probably would have been better if she had never had children; she had two children when her husband, their father, left her to raise them on her own. It would be difficult, I imagine, for a mother to vocalize this sentiment, which is probably why so many of them do not, even though it might be true for them. They are your beloved children, and to say that it would have been better not to have had them must feel like saying that it would be better if they didn't exist. But I don't think that it is the same thing to say that your life would have been better without children than it is to say that you wish that your children would disappear. I think that a woman can know that her life was hampered because she chose motherhood, but that now that she is a mother, be grateful for her childrens presence and love them limitlessly. My friend made a sacrifice that perhaps she shouldn't have, but there is no going back, and she gained something incredible from her sacrifice nevertheless.

I was impressed that my friend had the strength to acknowledge this and wish that more people would do the same. If they did, it might help for us to collectively understand that parenthood can have a negative impact on a persons life and force individuals to more seriously weigh their decision before they moved forward with what I consider to be one of the most difficult things a person can do: create and nurture another human being.

There are enough humans at this point that we certainly don't need to create additional ones. In our culture, we no longer need additional hands to help with the endless chores involved with subsistence living, what human beings did for so long, but which we stopped doing long ago, and so, in our technologically advanced society, children can be more of an emotional and financial liability than they can be a benefit.

I want for all children to be wanted and loved and for people to really evaluate their ability to nurture a life before they produce one. My parents did not do this, and so I have. I spent much of my life wishing that I had never been born and am unwaveringly certain that I will never create someone who will feel the same way.

There is even more at stake than the happiness of the parent when a child is born.