just goes to show that there is a complete continuum in terms of men's sexuality. Not the two dimensional sadness that women like to foist on us.

I do think the commonality between this writer and many transgender and transsexual folk is that they want to feel CLOSER to females. To the females in their lives. This is not possible, or easy, as men are forced into gender roles as tightly cosseted as the strictest bustiers. I've looked my whole life, long and hard to find a woman who would treat me like she would treat a female friend in her presence. I am always reminded of that Prince song, where he pines for his girlfriend to let him "wash her hair". Women, around each other, touch each other, they play with each others' hair. Why can't men and women be this way?

THAT is true intimacy, not the slam bam mentality women seem to take as necessary from the men around them. Women just do not see REAL men are being sensual and emotional and needing intimacy. At least not intimacy as defined by women.

Where I differ from the author is in my need to feel that I AM a woman. I like being a guy. But I also like being sensual in my skin, something made easier when one dons sensual clothes. Female clothes. I often feel like a dull lump when I am not wearing pleasant, feminine fabrics. Yet, I really do not want to resemble a woman, nor act like one.

Frankly, when it comes down to it, I DO act like a woman in life and on Salon. Like women REALLY act, not like women act on stage or when they are dressed up like a dollie. In real life, women often have a hard, no bullshit sexiness to them. What I try to emulate when I write on here.

Sure, it offends women greatly, but that is because women are used to pussy men being soft and gentle and forgoing their OWN needs or limiting them to self-destructive behavior. Hence, my basis for my theory of gender and how men get screwed by society and by women.

I enjoyed this article. a lot.

that's pretty exciting

to make you smile?

going out to sample the nightlife with female friends. We we all in our early 20s and reasonably attractive. So guys would want to buy us drinks. But we would often flee into the ladies room lounge, there was one place in particular that had a great one, and talk about things which were not suitable topics for conversation in a noisy room.

I can remember sprawling out on the couch with my head in someone's lap, it was really nice. It's unlikely any patrons thought we were lesbians, and if they did we cares? But I don't think men can do that together owing to homophobia.

Since WWII, women have been able to dress as "men" or "women" with acceptance.

Should a male wear a skirt with heels, etc., he will most like be jeered at and beaten half-to-death or totally-to-death.

My guess is some archetypal memory from the days of tribes and villages ...... men were expected to be the warriors and protectors ...... where would we be if they were all running around in skirts and heels ..... who would defend us ???

The problem is the narrowness of the culturally defined norms ......... freedom of speech should include freedom of dress.

this is a fairly blatant, race-based, generalization with nothing to back it up.... how can you toss this out without something to justify?

I'm white, and I'm not "generally free from having to think about what race" i am. there are tons of scholarships i can't apply for, and government contracts for which my non-"minority" owned company cannot be considered for. I think about it all the time. though i wouldn't expect you to consider my feelings, as you are clearly a racist.

Beautifully written piece. Congratulations, well done!

a fellow writer,

...that was a beautiful article

Hey, it's almost time for Rush! You can listen to him rant about how those black people are holding you back...

that no matter how poignant the article, it brings out the sexists/racists.

@Stozzel

I doubt that you think about your race nearly as frequently as someone who is a minority. Unless you spend most of your time applying for scholarships or somesuch. Ex: I'm sure most of my coworkers are aware that they are male. I also doubt that they have their maleness shoved in their face as much as I do my femaleness. This is because as a guy, seeing only guys in a meeting doesn't trigger an 'ah, I am different' mental response. Me? I get to be reminded that I'm different *at least* 10 times a day. I assume it's probably a similar deal for minority races.

@Brightstar

Oddly, having read some of your letters in the past (just finished reading some about California), I always assumed you were a white middle class male. Something about your tone always screamed 'privileged'. So I wouldn't say you 'act like a woman ... on Salon.'

Secondly, for serious? "the two dimensional sadness that women like to foist on us"? Are you not aware that there are gender norms for women, and that the people who most voraciously enforce gender norms for either sex tend to be men? Arguably, it's merely because men are disproportionately in a position of power to use to enforce said norms, but still. Not to mention that this is grossly dismissive of the female-to-male trans folks.

Frankly, if the women you know think a "slam bam mentality" is "necessary from the men around them", you need to hang out with other women. I'd recommend openly avowed feminist women as generally open-minded and tolerant folks, but I somehow get the impression you wouldn't get along very well....

@maotsetung

I agree with you - I would be all for normalizing different clothing choices for men and women. I do think you are over-simplifying things, though. Both men and women can safely wear pants, true. But there are masculine outfits (suit & tie, baggy pants with visible boxers underneath) that probably get as funny looks as a guy in drag (based on the highly scientific sample size of 1 in the former case).

Finally, kudos to the author for writing so openly about such personal experiences.