I think the subject of arranged marriage is coming up more and more as Westerners embrace Eastern thought. LATimes wrote a story on the subject and according to trendsetter, HBO is even planning a TV show on the concept.

website for the TV show: arrangedmarriagetv.com

The proportion of "woman-hating" or bitter or unhappy men online is naturally going to be much higher than in the actual real world, because that's one of the things the internet is for, at least as it is used today. The men who are pretty happy with their lives, don't have the kind of bitter attitudes the trolls here are so fond of crowing about, or are actively engaged in life (as opposed to just typing about anti-feminism in the internet echo chamber) generally don't spend their time bitching online about how awful the world is.

Unfortunately the only evidence I see of feminism is the online echo chamber. I am surrounded by progressive women (in real life !), but none of them share the views posted here about men, families or marriage, and none of are self identified feminists. I wonder why. So, I guess what your saying is I should ignore the feminist echo chamber, cause their just trolls....hmmm that's what I've been saying all along.

I too tried online dating and didn't have any success. I wouldn't go as far as saying that online dating never works, because we have friends who have been happily married for many years, having met on dating sites.

I met my husband 4 years ago online. Not a dating site, but we were both playing an online game. We were friends for 2 years first before becoming romantically attached. I moved 2200 miles away to get married eventually. This was the biggest chance I ever took. People thought I was crazy to move and get married to someone "I hardly knew". We talked a lot online and over the phone but I knew he was right for me.

We have been married 2 years and make an effort to get to know each other more and more each day. I believe marriage is a combination of being compatible and being flexible enough to be a good partner. It is not about instant chemistry or sex, but about a willingness to be a good partner.

I wish Anita the best of luck and believe she will find it. That is, if she has the attitude I think she does to make it work for her.

If you were of the type to wait until your ship comes in (i.e., not initiate conversations/ask out men/make the calls back), then of course the odds were against you. I don't know whether it is out of egoism or fear, but the passivity of many who complain of not having partners is often the cause of their single-ness.

This is a solution in rabid pursuit of a non-existant problem. Millions and millions of people in the West fall in love and marry (or decide to co-habitate) every year; there's been no drop-off in romantic pairings, ever. Each generation has managed perfectly well to generate further generations! This is typical "I represent the universe," if *I* have a problem, everyone else must have the same problem, vainglorious self-absorbed navel-gazing. Jain's mythical, generalized, angst-filled "they" do not exist, except in her own fevered selective observations and the MSM's histrionic sensationized pooting.

the "western dating system" consists of (a)college, (b)friends of friends and (c) bars.

Well, to put it mildly, if that's her understanding of how to meet guys, it's little wonder she hasn't been successful. As any even marginally qualified therapist could have told her, people don't meet their long-term mate in bars and there just aren't that many friends of friends. Where people meet each other is in shared activities/interests. So what you do is volunteer for something you believe in or attend church. If you're an Obama fan, volunteer your time and lo and behold, there will be guys there who are pro-Obama who aren't married. Your shared interest in politics is a made-to-order ice-breaker. Or volunteer at the food bank, art museum, etc. Church is also a tried and true place to meet your mate if you happen to be religious. And she can't complain that she doesn't have the time. If she has time to date strangers, she has the time to volunteer.

We've known this for decades. Jain's failure to consult obvious resources and come to obvious conclusions says little about the "western dating system" and a lot about her proclivities regarding men.

"College is an excellent place to meet people, so I suggest anyone reading this while in college try their hardest to find someone before they get out. And not at those drunken frat parties either. I met my husband at the Pakistani Students' Association, a grad student who grew up in Pakistan and came here to study. I am lucky, and I know it, as I watch my sisters and friends suffer through the biodatas of less than desirable men (for them) and do the rounds in a system with a serious dearth of serious men."

Sooo true. I met my boyfriend in my second year of university; he was sitting behind me in my Intro. to Rhetoric class, in fact. I got my degree in Rhetoric and Professional Writing, he in RPW and Poli. Sci., and we came out of it together, a very well-matched couple. I know a lot of couples in their mid- to late twenties who met this way; most are still not married but are living together and very happy after several years of dating.

I remember reading somewhere that if you don't meet your spouse between the ages of 18-25, you likely won't meet them until the second wave of singles, the ones in their mid- to late thirties freshly divorced from the ones they met while they were young.

Well, I thought the excerpt was interesting and well written. I'd be interested in reading the whole book to see how her adventures in India go. I learned that Jain may be a good writer, but not a creative thinker. NYC is first off, not how western dating works. NYC is probably one of the worst cities on planet earth to try and find someone for marriage or get an estimation of how dating works in the rest of the country. Plus, since a majority of the over 21 population is married, co-habitiating or divorced, apparently we have firgure out how to pair up without the assistance of parents picking your mate.

She also has an odd idea of where to meet men, the no 1 place to never meet a man, a nightclub or bar. These are where all the non-commitment, just looking to have fun and get laid men go. You don't pin your hopes and dreams on nightlife, her and her friends are looking in odd places and think the internet is for the desperate, ha!

I also don't understand why she never tried to employ a matchmaker. They are there in NYC and I'm pretty sure they match people other than Jews.

Plus since she writes, she can move outside of NYC. There are plenty of other nice cities besides SF, LA and NYC. There is Seattle, Miami, Portland, Houston, Austin, Chicago, DC, San Diego, Boston and I'm sure many others. Though she's right in thinking that if she repeats the same pattern of looking for friends of friends or nightlife then she will indeed meet the same problems she does now. I'm just not convinced she needed to go all the way to India to find a man if she wants to remain in the USA permanently.

Many people have given great suggestions with Meetup.com, the Indian dating sites and finding a group or cause to meet a nice man looking for marriage. She can go on Craigs list and join a mixed gender softball team. So if she doesn't find her man in India, I hope she explores some new avenues back here in the states.