Before I even finished the article, I noted this glaring statement:

"I suspected I would encounter the same kind of never-ending carousel of dates in other U.S. cities I would consider living in, like Los Angeles or San Francisco."

That's a big chunk of the writer's issue right there. There are cities that she won't consider living in, but she will consider living in expensive cities filled with highly educated, highly mobile and ambitious people. Many of whom pride themselves on their independence and invulnerability to commitment.

Having lived and worked in all three of the cities she vetted as "acceptable", I can state that they, and smaller but "hot" cities like Portland, are also filled with rudderless people struggling to find themselves in a brand name city. Others try to ascend glamorous, tough industries like Hollywood. Nothing wrong with that, only that it can preclude deep relationships.

Additionally, both Los Angeles and San Francisco, as well as New York City, are meccas for gays and lesbians, meaning that there's some great friends to be made, but a smaller pool of available heterosexual men.

My home of Houston, and places like the Twin Cities, offer more affordable and down-to-earth areas for single people to meet and make friends. But, I can hear people complain, these places aren't as exciting as Manhattan! Well, number one, you might be surprised, but number two, if your game plan involves settling down with another person and having children, these places can offer you the best of both worlds - culture, opportunities, big city - but also stability and good neighborhoods.

The loneliness she experienced is sad, but it's unfairly blamed on Western dating mores. The reality is that many cities also offer diverse, yet friendly neighborhoods. Consider Chicago's Hyde Park, or many of the neighborhoods here in Houston. When diversity (not just ethnic, but also singles living next door to couples and retirees and families) meets friendly neighbors, you have an even broader number of people you could meet. People who have spent their whole life in one city or state make friends with transplants, and they both gain from the relationship.

My friends who are unhappily single - male AND female - all tend to be the most mobile, in transition vocationally, and those who, after college, never lost the habit of putting work before everything else, 24-7. If you really want to meet people, you must put down roots in a space where people value togetherness and friendship.

But if you're not willing to consider that your location has something to do with your continued "singleton status", you have no right to blame the whole West for your lack of a wedding ring.

There is a sort of old-fashioned middle ground alternative, at least in the US. It is unknown to the "culture " of today, although it predates establishment of the US. It is what I would call the "Contra Dance Community". Contra Dances are a cross between Square Dances and Speed Dating. The design of it is very sociable; it doesn't require "dates" and only 20 minute "pairing". The music is like "Riverdance" bluegrass, with a live band, and no memorization or choreography is required, since the dance is "called". It has symmetrical, repetitive patterns, with cycling, so that everyone dances briefly with everyone else, in 20 minutes or so (then you may need a rest). Google "Contra Dance" . There are quite a variety of devotees, of all ages, but they tend not to be "cool", and are much more likely to be health food addicts than any other kind. As to why this is not more wildly popular, I can only guess it's because there is simply no way for anyone to make money from it, and also drinking doesn't mix well with this kind of dancing..disigny

And part of me even means it. Think about how much easier it would be to find someone. And once you're paired off, that's what you get. There's no trading up, looking for someone More Perfect. But I think for it to work you have to do it in a culture that is strongly committed to and supportive of the institution of marriage. That provides an incentive for the couple to stay together and work things out, and hopefully eventually fall in love with each other. I don't see why that couldn't work...most people who get married in the US don't know their spouse that well before marrying him anyway. But that being said, there is NO WAY IN HELL I would allow my parents any involvement in picking someone for me. *Shudder*

I identify with the author's feelings about dating and being single for a long time after entering adulthood...it IS lonely, and it IS demoralizing, even for those of us who never dreamed of our princess wedding day, and in fact, never really imagined ourselves getting married. I like the freedom and the autonomy, but it sucks going to a concert by myself and standing there knowing that not a single person in the room gives a crap about me, whether I get home alright, whether I have a good time, or whether they ever see me again. Yeah, I can make a new friend wherever I go, but...that's hard. It takes effort. And that new friend won't really know me for a long long time, if ever. I can pick some guy up also, but that brings its own challenges, not the least of which are diseases, and awkwardness, and potential regret the next morning.

There is a longing to be seen and understood by another person that is often lacking when you're single. (I'm sure it's lacking in a lot of marriages also). But I can't go moping around whining about my lot in life, so I make the most of what I have, which is quite a lot, and only occasionally dream of somehow getting myself paired up with a stranger who will be forced to make the best of me. :) There probably is no real solution...but I think online dating is pretty good, and I've met more compatible guys that way than I have waiting for someone random at the bar to slur his way over to me, anyway.