I kinda wanted to marry her somewhere during the second page. I've been on around 100 online dates. At the least I bet I could compare notes with her.

I assume Ms Jain is trying to sell a book. Nothing wrong with that; I will probably read it if I get the chance (i.e., it comes to my attention while it is available - a window of a few weeks)

I would say that it should be acknowledged that hers is by no means a universal case: is she an ethnic Indian? (like it or not, a blond Norwegian has a better shot in the US market, assuming facility with the language is comparable) and if she insists on the low percentage places ("I suspected I would encounter the same kind of never-ending carousel of dates in other U.S. cities I would consider living in, like Los Angeles or San Francisco.")

As they say in America: well, duh!

I wish the teaser had told us whether when she set off for India living in the US was going to be a condition precedent to her acceptance of a prospective spouse. Eliminate that requirement and OF COURSE her odds will improve.

online dating too much. I went to a few of those sites after becoming disillusioned with the dating scene. Due to my non-christian/jewish/muslim religion I always got the terribly demoralizing "You are unmatchable" message. So I turned to Myspace as a mere method to meet people, ANY people because I was, indeed, lonely. What I ended up doing was meeting a wonderful Japanese woman who is now my wife. We were friends online for 5 months before we considered ourselves dating, dated for 2.5 months before we met, I met her family 10 months after we started dating, and we got married six months after that. It was perfect for us. For the first time I was able to get to know someone and fall in love with them without the spectre of sex getting in the way. I credit that with building the foundation on which our marriage comfortably rests. I wonder if, without that, what sorts of complications could we have endured? Most importantly I think it was critical to remove myself from the 'western' dating scene. I can't put my finger on what's wrong with our culture in regards to marriage, but it's something. Something is amiss and Miss Jain noticed it too. Best of luck.

I sympathize strongly with the author. I wanted to get out of the US and the constant hooking up as an excuse to treat everyone of the opposite sex like superficial packages. I consider myself cute, but I am by no means a prize (beauty-wise), so I went east hoping to find a culture that valued brains, kindness, hard work, and the desire for family.

And then I came to Japan, where all the Japanese men are terrified of Western women and a date can only be dragged out after hours of painful aggression on your part, and Western men come here seeking the exotic, enchanting Asian woman and wont give us boring white women a shot.

But hey, when Im an old spinster, at least the feminists will think Im oh so strong to stand on my own two feet, even if it was not my choice.

I have to admit, an arranged marriage is sounding nicer and nicer every day. After all, what are the basic, very basic, qualifications for marriage these days? If hes about on the same level as me beauty-speaking, doesnt drink heavily or gamble his money away, and is not only willing, but dedicated to sticking around to raise his own children, he kinda sounds like quite a catch, hm?

And for everyone scrambling to pick apart the {better to be with someone than alone}, let me ask you this: ever begged your friends to sign up for an aerobics class with you so you wouldnt be alone? How about going to a movie, a be alone? How about going to a movie, a nice dinner... how many times do you invite friends instead of marching it all by your lonesome? We have friends, sometimes because we love every aspect of their personality, but also sometimes just so we have someone to do a particular activity with. Why should marriage be so different?

...how well-received an article that repeatedly referenced some monolithic (and of course dysfunctional) "Eastern culture" would be.

Sounds like an interesting memoir and I'm not unsympathetic to Jain's complaints but based on this excerpt I'd say this work might share some of the faults of an article everybody read a few months back. It was that one about how (all) women (everywhere) would be happier if they'd just shut up and "settle" already because Being Married always > Not Being Married. Both pieces gave me a vibe of major over-simplification and overall weirdness.

I remain skeptical, is what I'm sayin'.

On the one hand, I think I'm probably happier single than I'd be with anyone who might be chosen for me by my family or anyone else. On the other hand, they'd probably come up with a better match than a lot of people I've known who married because the sex was good, they had fun partying together, or they were simply infatuated with very little actual knowledge of each other and thought tying the knot would be really romantic.

Wouldn't be surprised if the author is hawking a book. The real surprise is Salon would print anything that is pro-heterosexual marriage. I'm sure the letter writers will clear that up shortly.

This sort of reminds me of a book written by an Indian male who got lost in western culture and went back to India to find himself. Keep off the Grass.....great book. I read it in on a flight back from India.

I don't see the lure of an arranged marriage for a woman who has lived many years (if not all of her life) in Western society and has adopted those mores and practices. My question for the author, and LilyRose too, is this: Is it possible that the marriage can be happy/successful when one chooses such a traditional route to marriage when their lifestyle is, frankly, non-traditional?

I ask this because I know an Indian woman who had come to the U.S. for college and grad school. She didn't drink or smoke and remained a virgin. She also wanted an arranged marriage. She had career ambitions and that was her greatest worry, that her prospective husband allow her to have her own business. However, I didn't really think there was a great disconnect between her personal values and those of her culture. Anita Jain however seems to think that one can hold wildly different values and yet find a good, supportive husband from that traditional culture.

I tend to think that it's not a good start for a marriage. As one who has been married 12 yrs, I can say that similar values do matter. And let's face it, being divorced and even more bitter 2 yrs later, a distinct possibility in Jain's case, does not make one a better prospect for finding a soulmate. JMO