Just found this article Anita wrote 3 years ago:

http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/culture/features/11621/

Its all about her experiences using online dating, especially shaadi.com

This article is hilarious. I assume this is what got her the book deal in the first place.

I can't prove that dance clubs, etc are equally balanced between the sexes any more than you can prove that they aren't which is my understanding of what you said originally. So I wonder why you said it. My bringing up the Obama campaign was just an example of something one can volunteer for. The real purpose of my post was not to give anyone a prescription for precisely the type of organization to join. My purpose was to say that that is how people meet other people with common interests, and it is. I'm not making this up and I'm not imagining things. Again, ask any reputable therapist and he/whe will tell you that what I say is true.

I understand that you personally aren't in the market. I was talking about the author who, according to her own article, never considered the obvious.

"LilyRose - Isn't that a recipe for racial balkanisation? Keeping it all within the community? What ever happened with engaging with the wider community, even for marriages? (I find mixed-race people to be absolutely beautiful, so perhaps I'm a tad biased here.)

I think all people are beautiful :-) .

People are not marrying within their caste, religion, tribe, or community to preserve marriage. Marriage is under attack in the West, but in most of the world it is still a thriving institution. And I think it is one of the most beautiful institutions we have.

About the issue of balkanization: Marriage is not a politically correct act. It is a communal act, and cultures create conditions that allow it to flourish.

I'm not comfortable with this notion that one should resist entire sections of humanity to preserve a, frankly, silly conception of marriage and community. Why is it silly, you ask? Because it places one's value on that relationship, and anything short of marriage is a failure. What nonsense!"

If you find marriage and community to be silly institutions, then yes, you won't find this practice to be worthwhile.

Marriage is HARD WORK so it needs support from all and everybody. I don't think there is anything wrong with a Jewish person choosing to only marry someone of his/her faith or for a Muslim to only marry within her community. It increases the chances of the marriage working. Also, community and culture are beautiful things. If you go to India or to Malaysia, you will see the fruits of the preservation of culture. You can go from one neighborhood to another and experience completely different worlds and traditions--some 1000s years old--and it is beautiful. These cultures have not survived because of chance; people work hard to preserve them.

Anyway, even my second or third generation Muslim friends in the US--doctors, engineers, teachers--have all married within their faith. I don't see anything wrong with that. We all had and still have friends from all over the world and from all faiths, but when it came to dating, we chose to date people of our own faith. Why? Because marriage is a serious and divine union. We should befriend and love and take care of anyone, regardless of race or religion, but that can be done even while keeping marriage within a community.

Well, If Anita wants an "Eastern" culture marriage, then she cannot flirt with it Madonna-style. She needs to acquaint herself with the people who will help her find a suitable groom. Because similar communities do no exist in white or black American cultures, Anita will increase her chances by committing to dating only men who come from the world she wants to marry into.

Also, most American men (I am not familiar with Europeans, so I cannot speak for them) I have met are just not marriage-quality, in my opinion. I am genuinely NOT trying to insult anyone, really. When there is a culture where 70% of its women are single mothers (the African American community), I think it is safe to assume that something in the culture is failing to teach the men to be fathers and husbands.

In my experience--and from friends' and family's--American men of a certain age have serious intimacy issues, have a hard time submitting to the selfless life of fatherhood and marriage, and seem to be obsessed with self-fulfillment at the expense of his family. Also, they seem to have too much of an "I'm out of here" attitude when things get rough. Marriage is all about the rough times! So I think it is perfectly legitimate to not date such men.

I have no problem with intermarriages. I wouldn't recommend them, but once the marriage happens, we should all rally behind it and make sure that it does not end up in divorce. And of course, children, whether biracial or not, need everyone's support and love.

Also, being single is wonderful as well.

Oh, and I am anticipating a backlash, so, yes, there are jackass Eastern men and wonderful Western fathers. Yes, there are exceptions, I know. And no, women in arranged marriages are not oppressed, unenlightened doormats. And no, arranged marriages is not the same as forced marriages.

Finally, I think there has been a great conversation so far. Most of the English blogosphere is dominated by white or black American women, and there is zero understanding of the many Muslim, Indian, Sikh, Arab, Persian, etc., communities in America; these minorities are highly endogamous and do not speak out much. Also, "traditional" values are viciously attacked by often white "feminists" (or, as I called them: femperialists), so women from these minority communities generally stay among their own. So this discussion is much appreciated.

Let's see. You begin your post quoting me to the effect that one's personal experience doesn't represent that of society at large and therefor cannot be extrapolated from. You proceed to describe the experience of one individual of your acquaintance and then draw conclusions based solely on that.

C'mon, you can do better than that, can't you?

Worse, the conclusions you draw strongly suggest a real passivity on your part. "It's all random. There's nothing anyone can do. Etc." That's just a self-fulfilling prophesy.