I know people who have met their partners online, through friends, at parties, through their families, and yes, even in bars. I know not one person who met his/her partner in an "activity group." In fact, as far as I can tell, at least here in DC, most of these groups are made up of WOMEN, who were bullied into joining them by people harping at them about how activity groups are such a good way to meet men. Now, here in DC, kickball leagues are popular among the early 20-something set, and touted as a great way to meet people of the opposite sex. But that culture is far more geared to casual hookups and hanging out than partnering off. I'm not saying that doing activities you enjoy is a bad thing; it definitely leads to a more rounded life, and you can certainly make friends that way, but to pin your hopes of finding a mate on that is, I think, misguided.

And also, it's not just in New York that dating is hard. It's definitely hard as heck here in DC, where it's rumored that the single female-to-male ratio is even more wack than in NYC. But I imagine it's true in any city with a large population of upwardly-mobile, educated singles. People are always looking for the "next thing." Sure, people have relationships, but if you have the idea that tomorrow you might meet your dream girl or guy, you're going to be less interested in locking in what you currently have for the long term. And as far as small towns, I grew up in a bunch of them, and everyone I know who stayed in them got married right out of college, if not before. I really don't see that as a viable alternative. And for those of us who didn't, it's kind of late to try to go back in time now. It seems the two alternatives are: realize you have no selection and marry the first man you can tolerate by age 23; or stay single forever in a big city and try to make the best of it.

I thought I had heard her before. There is a book promo here, in the guise of an NPR interview:

http://www.onpointradio.org/shows/2008/08/love-in-modern-india

The interview tells a very different story from the book excerpt here. In between all the 'like..' and 'you know..' and 'ummm', it sounded like she wants to take hook-up culture to India. I confess I listened until I couldn't take any more. Harvard graduate, eh?

Having photographed many Indian weddings in the US, I have heard a lot of 'how we met' stories. Granted it is a small sample from which to generalize, but I see a pattern of meetings at...surprise...college. Perhaps more notable was that many of these marriages happened 6 or 7 years into the relationship.

I just heard Anita on Airtalk w/ Larry Mantle (popular radio show in Los Angeles):

http://www.scpr.org/programs/airtalk/

Anita sounds great here, and the discussion is very lively. I'm surprised at the NPR interview...I can only assume she was nervous. I'm definitely picking this book up.

"most of these groups are made up of WOMEN, who were bullied into joining them by people harping at them about how activity groups are such a good way to meet men"

Yup. I don't know about being bullied, but certainly very strongly encouraged. I've done some activity groups, and they are often almost all women. I actually wonder where single men spend all their time since I see so few of them (judging by the absence of wedding bands) anywhere.

I agree that it's good to join groups that share your interests, but it has nothing to do with finding a partner. It could happen, but it could just as easily not happen. People meet all kinds of ways.

"It seems the two alternatives are: realize you have no selection and marry the first man you can tolerate by age 23; or stay single forever in a big city and try to make the best of it."

I have to agree with the above sentiment. I left a cool but medium-sized college town in my late thirties because I didn't like the idea of being single forever in a city where everyone over the age of 35 had settled down. Moved to Los Angeles, where the pool is way bigger and the anonymity can be nice (as well as alienating), but it seems impossible to find a relationship nonetheless.

Online dating seems to offer a huge selection of potential dates, but, at the age of 38, despite being childless and fit with a good job, it's been a desert for me. My ratio has been about one actual date per a month's membership... not exactly worth the money or the exposure of putting myself out there. I'm not Jewish, but the Jewish magazine Lilith recently had a good article about online dating for women in their late thirties.

You could look it up. But failing that, surely you can understand that your experience or that of your friends in no way represents the population generally. The FACT is that activity groups have a lot to offer people looking for mates. It is just factually true that those types of places/groups are where people meet, fall in love and marry at least in part because they self-select people of like interests. And the idea that the Obama campaign or any political campaign consists solely or even mostly of women needs, I hope, no rebuttal from me. The same is true of devotional institutions. I've done a lot of volunteer work and your claim is just not true. I'm surprised you resort to a claim like that. It's as if you're more attached to being bored than to doing anything about it.

"LilyRose too, is this: Is it possible that the marriage can be happy/successful when one chooses such a traditional route to marriage when their lifestyle is, frankly, non-traditional?"

I don't think it is possible, which is why I explained in my post that Anita will need to recognize why marriages are by and large successful in non-Western cultures, and that is because the entire society's approach to marriage is completely different. I mentioned that she will need to look at the family background of any man she is interested in. Asians marry families, not individuals. Even in the most modernized homes, even with the most educated strata, that is the case.

So I think Anita's pursuit is disingenuous to an extent, but she can make it work if she puts herself into a community, instead of flirting with it for a bit.

About the concepts of "happy/successful," those are very Western terms. What does it mean to be happy? What is a successful marriage? Those are very abstract concepts. Marriage is a practical union--two people working together to make each others lives better and to create a home in which to raise healthy children. It is about two FAMILIES (notice I did not say two people) coming together to create a new life.

By the way, to those who say that arranged marriage leaves one with no choice: Wrong. Women and men get marriage inquiries all the time from the time they turn 16, and 99% of those are rejected by the girl or boy. Forced arranged marriages happen rarely.