Shaadi.com

"Couldn't one be a perfectly sound person who leads a far more purposeful life once engaged in a harmonious symbiosis with another human being? I certainly think so. Moreover, why do we have to be 'perfectly sound' before we can meet someone? Why can't we be desperately alone and unhappy and become much more balanced or healthy after getting involved with someone?"

Because one and one is two, that's why. Because your stability, confidence, and purpose should not rest with another human being. You can certainly be changed by a partner, but co-dependence is not romantic; it robs you of your adult status.

Geez. You needed to be told this?

Let the Entitled White Females begin their tirade!

No wonder there's a marriage strike on here. There's one underway in India, too, Anita, as long as anti-male domestic violence laws do away with men's basic civil rights.

Just bring hubby back here, and he'll marvel at you in contrast to the lumbering, angry, rotund hordes of entitled, slavering white women in this country.

Enjoy!

1. Look over Shaadi.com and Bharatmatrimony.com. You have to be very patient with these sites, and you have to be genuinely open to meeting someone with our (East) approach to marriage--that is, look for compatibility, family background, potential of growth, father material. Don't look for romance and long walks in the beach. Those things may lead to a relationships, but not marriage. Make sure you carefully study family background and what will be expected of you in a marriage--something determined by your future inlaws. So, basically, these sites are not your Western Match.com deals, which lead to hook ups, etc. The men on the shaadi sites are serious about wanting to get married.

2. Create connections in your community--in your area temple, or even mosques (if you are not against meeting a Muslim man), or just in immigrant pockets (new desis). Get your parents involved. If you want an assisted marriage, then you know that most of the legwork for marriage is done on your behalf by your community or family. If you can get a ghotkali to work on your behalf, then you will just need to sit back and read the biodatas.

Frankly, sorry, but in the excerpt, you don't seem to really be ready for an Indian marriage. You basically want a westernized relationship with a Eastern man. It seems that you are arbitrarily picking an Eastern man because he appears to be more marriage minded, compared to hook-up generation Western men. So I would recommend that you think about where you are at.

Also, a marriage is successful only if a society is supportive and only if you are also willing to be a good wife to a good husband, and a good daughter-in-law to a good set of in-laws. It is a serious paradigm shift, especially for a western woman.

HOPE FOR YOU: Most of my desi female friends in Amrika got married through arranged/assisted marriage, and we (family and friends) found their grooms in the U.S. These are modern marriages, but South Asian style. Just so you know, arranged marriages are VERY common in America--but you must get a desi (maybe a Jain) community to do the work for you. In Muslim communities, it is almost impossible to find marriages that are NOT arranged. A few years back we found my Sunni girlfriend from D.C ( who was in her 30s and working at the World Bank) a husband from Pakistan (that is how hard a community will work for you). He is a doctor, and the couple have a beautiful daughter, with another child on the way.

You don't have to travel to India to find someone.

I don't know how strongly you have assimilated into U.S. culture, even as a second generation desi. If you are, then you know that because of our close knit communities (most of Amrika do not even know about our lives here), you may have a hard time getting in. BUT we (all Asians) are welcoming, so make the effort. Also, consider talking with Chinese and Korean communities. They have similar approaches to marriage and are a very marriage-oriented/cohesive family-driven culture.

Damn, man, you're like the kid in Sixth Sense, except you always see fat people.

Pardon the misspelling.

I knew many South Asian Americans in college and grad school. Most of them have this weird notion of what the "Western Dating System" is --- a cross between television, movies, and those funky Bollywood flicks they seem to simultaneously watch and complain about.

The reality is that for a large percentage of people, they are "introduced" to the person that they eventually marry. A lot of already paired-up and older women (and let's face it, it's usually women) are quite active in trying to find good matches for their relatives, friends and acquaintances. The random stranger on the bus or in the bar makes for a good book/movie and interesting television, but it ain't reality for most of the long-term couples I know.

What I have found is that this "matchmaking" activity seems to be waning a bit. I've never lived in New York, so maybe it doesn't happen so much out there.

SPOILER ALERT: From another site I gathered that you didn't meet your soul man...

Starting around our late 20s, many of my friends consciously and deliberately refused dates from white or black men (products of western culture), and made a choice to only date Asian men. Yes, Western men are more "aggressive" and will approach you more often and ask you out and do all that will appear to be what you want, but try and resist them. Desi men probably won't do any of that, but they are out there--and interested. When you open that window to wanting to marry a desi man, the universe responds back, and you will meet many more than you ever thought. We have highly successful (not to mention gorgeous) Asian men (Korean, Chinese, Vietnamese, South Asian) here in the U.S., so the pool is excellent for marriage. You will of course meet some who only want to date white women, so just ignore them. But know there are many, many, many more who want a desi girl. So target them.

You can get married! Best of luck to you.