Letters to the Editor
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Yes, the nerve of those self-serving adoptees
"It's interesting that the majority of letters supporting Ms. Hoods article and/or foreign adoptions are by A. people who have adopted or B. adoptees themselves (and on MOTHER'S DAY). That is not exactly an honest or representative group, and it is extremely self-serving."
Yes, the nerve of those self-serving adoptees being grateful for the warm and loving families who took them in from poverty stricken orphanages. Those selfish brown and yellow people! And on MOTHER'S DAY, the holiest day on the Hallmark Calendar! Lock the borders!
I've seen some wackadoodle posts from you Laurel, but this takes the cake!
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Thank you Salon
I had never read or heard of Ann Hood before this. I had goose bumps after reading this story. I have a best friend who is struggling with losing her nine year old daughter suddenly four year ago. I also have a brother who is dealing with the news that his 15 year old daughter is terminally ill with six months to live. I cannot comprehend what either of them is going through, nor do I know what to say or how to help.
I went to Amazon after reading this and bought The Knitting Club: A Novel and Comfort: A Journey Through Grief. Once I finish reading them, I will make a decision as far as which one of them needs which book and pass them on.
God bless you and your family.
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Momof2
Exactly. Notice how Laurel jumped to the conclusion that the adoptive parents either:
a)want exotic looking children, or
b)want racially "pure" children (Russian).
More revealing about Laurel's obsession with race than anything else. And btw Laurel, I defended international adoption. I am neither an adopted child nor an adopter. I have volunteered at a Chinese orphanage before, and no, they do not exploit foreigners who want to adopt Chinese children, nor do they exploit locals who have baby girls.
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Laurel
Don't you think Ann Hood is in a position to understand what it's like to lose a child?
Has it not occurred to you that she has thought about her daughter's birth mother's feelings? Even if you're not able to figure that out on your own, did you not read the excerpt?
This is knee-jerk sentimentality, with the author mercilessly exploiting the very tragic death of her daughter Grace to justify taking the baby daughter of ANOTHER woman, across the world, who is even MORE bereft and in agony.
Um, excuse me, but why would the other woman be MORE bereft? How do you know that? I can't speak for either Ann Hood or the anonymous mother from Hunan, but I can say that I personally would prefer my child to be adopted by another woman than die. It would seem that Annabelle's mother felt the same way, or she would have killed her child instead of giving her up for adoption. I very much doubt that when she abandoned her child she was hoping no one would adopt her.
Neither Ms. Hood nor her husband were infertile -- he had a vastectomy! (What part of "permanent" did Mr. Hood not understand? Was his local drugstore fresh out of condoms?)
What part of "They had two children when he had a vasectomy and then their daughter died" do you not understand?
Wasn't it you who once claimed to have a friend who adopted because she didn't want to lose her figure?
You mentioned elsewhere that you don't feel a need to foster a child yourself. Well, I have fostered a child myself, so I feel comfortable telling you you have no business lecturing anyone else for not fostering, whatever the reason. Wanting a baby doesn't make Ann Hood any more obligated to poor black American foster children than anyone else here. If you feel so strongly about the fate of American children, do something about it.
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That Was Difficult to Read
Thank you for that piece. I am a father and I was reading it as I got ready to go to work and I had to skip through large sections because I was starting to cry and my head was starting to hurt. Maybe if I had been reading it at night I could have let my emotions go and not shown up at the office looking like I'd just had a nervous breakdown.
There seems to still be so much pain there. I am so sorry that you and your family had to go through was you went through.
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There ARE thousands of waiting American children in foster care
@Stellablue
I'm sorry that your defensiveness about your own foreign adoption and rejection of American children leads you to be so accusatory. It's you who are judgemental, not me. Most of the children "waiting" in my county and state are NOT teenagers and have only the "minor problems" you talk about as being "OK" for a foreign child to have. Many are toddlers! Why is it superior to adopt a medically-challenged 3 year old Russian child (for $40K plus) than to adopt an AMERICAN 3 year old for FREE? There has to be some pretty compelling reason to spend an extra $40K, when you still need money for all the expenses that children have, to save for college, etc. The reason: you want a racially pure white child, and you don't want a black child.
No one can compell you to take a "sibling group of six". That is nonsense you have invented out of thin air. In fact, the county will break up sibling groups to give you exactly the children you will take, because they are desperate. You can even cherry pick just the cutest young toddler and leave his poor adolescent siblings in foster care. But you just don't want to do that. You want your pure white Russian toddler! The hell with American kids.
No, American adoptions did not create the masses of children in foreign orphanages. But it is FUELING the crisis. Before, foreign countries had an incentive to try and stem the tide of orphans by things like birth control, health clinics, abortion, economic reforms, women's rights, etc. Now they have not reason to do those things -- they can sell those babies for big bucks to foreigners. You and your ilk are making the problem a thousand times worse.
Have I adopted? No -- most people do not adopt children. It's a weird mindset you have that everyone should build a family by adoption, as if that's the ONLY way. One thing I would NEVER do is take a foreign child away from his/her culture, while passing up needy American children, and while also contributing to the problem in the child's native homeland of gender imbalance, contributing to future tragedies. I have plenty of "responsibility" as a taxpayer for supporting the tens of thousands of children in my county and state who are in foster care, because all the potential adoptive families go overseas!
You are very defensive about your adoption. I think you realize it was self-serving, and you need to attack anyone who points it out.
It is odd that you are reiterating what I said: that you passed on American adoption because "60% are Black or Hispanic". I find your racism tragic. Also that you "couldn't possibly" take a 6 year old, but a medically-challenged, fetal alcohol syndrome 3 year old was fine, because he was white.
Why is saving a medically challenged Russian kid entitle you to sainthood, while saving a similarly challenged AMERICAN child is undesirable? I don't see any adequate explanation.
@mscatfu
I stand by my figures, and I think you are misquoting yours. But even if we go by your figures -- 129,000 -- remember that foreign adoptions are about 30,000 a year (from various countries). SO....there would still be waiting American kids in foster care. I know that. But there would be 30,000 American kids in good homes with loving parents, instead of 30,000 foreign kids ripped from their native cultures. There would also be an average of $30k per child (from $18k in China to over $40K n Russia) SAVED by those families -- which could potentially be donated to foreign charities, Doctors Without Borders, missonary work, birth control clinics, donated to foreign orphanages to alievate their obvious problems, etc. That money could also go to pay for college educations, medical care, etc. for needy American children.
@mau0414
Thank you for being honest and admitting you did a foreign adoption because your husband wouldn't "do domestic" (presumably he would not take a black, hispanic or older child) and that he wouldn't pay for fertility treatments (for himself?). Honesty is better than defensiveness and lying to defend your actions.
But my parent's didn't have to take any advice. They had a family the "old fashioned way" -- they married, got pregnant, and raised their own biological kids -- what the vast majority of people all over the world do. Adoption is a very minor part of how people build families, compared to birthing your own kids. Believe it or not, there is nothing "weird" about having your own children, or deciding on having a family before you hit menopause!