The one who has a strategy that isn't working might benefit from a one-sentence observation--"guys can't tell you like them." This is barely a criticism. That friend would have to be mighty brittle to be hurt by such a remark.

The other one with the long list of impossible requirements sounds like a totally lost cause. She has spent her whole life becoming a person whose idea of a good idea is a terrible idea. I can't see that conversation going well. I believe it would lead to all three items on Cary's list of possible downsides.

Good luck and be careful.

Now that I'm older I realize that we are not unlucky at all, but rather possess serious personality flaws that make successful dating unlikely.

So it is with your friends...and there is no easy way to inform them of this tragic truth.

Tell them you have a few thoughts and observations - maybe worthless, maybe not - but you don't want to risk your friendship - and ask them if they think you should talk about it. Tell them if not, you'll happily still listen to them vent, and you're likely enough wrong anyway - just to give them an out.

The first one is much easier - letting her know she is sending some signals that are counterproductive is a good thing. The rest - she probably shouldn't change if it's who she really is. The right guy will like it. And if she fakes part of her personality - she'll only get a guy who likes the fake her. You can't be the fake you forever.

The second - tricky. Her - maybe I wouldn't talk to at all about it. Unrealistic expectations is hard to beat. You might go at it from an angle though. Tell her that maybe more practice going out on dates would improve her banter - suggest she go out on lots of first and second dates with men she normally wouldn't quite choose, just for practice. With luck, one of them will end up making her realize that it's who the person is - not how tall.

Dear LW, if it all works out, you'll get married, and let me tell you that married people dump single people out of their lives pretty quick. If you really want to solve this problem, get married and have kids. You'll soon have nothing in common with these "friends" and they will drop out of your life.

You cannot fix these people, only exposure to real life can do that. Friend #1 will stay single and become a "cat lady", friend #2 will get desperate as her 34th birthday approaches and will settle into an unsatisfying relationship, than make her mate miserable telling him (for the rest of his life) how she "settled" and could have done better.

Start pumping out those kids and good luck!

It's quite clear that the letter writer just wants to gloat about being the star of her social circle. She gets men and her girlfriends don't. She wants to throw it in their faces by offering advice. She writes to an advice columnist, to get support for an act of passive agression and gets it.I will guarantee you if she offers them advice the friendships will end. We don't want advice from friends we want support. The writer is jealous because the one friend is smarter and the other one is probably wealthier. She dilutes her jealousy by clinging to the notion that she's prettier.In fact, she's probably just better at manipulating men. She's intending to try to manipulate her girlfriends, but doesn't find that as simple, another reason to write for advice. Maybe she noticed her smart friend reading Salon one day and decided to go to a source for intelligent people. Maybe the picture of the made up little urchin drew her. Loading up on the make up has been a skill she's honed for years, and though she figures Salon is for nerds, she might as well try out their advice column. The advice she got was an affirmation of her superiority which is all she's after. She'll end up without her girlfriends which will no doubt be an improvement to their lives, so maybe, the advice wasn't so bad afterall.

GL was right--Tell friend number one the truth--guys can't tell that she likes them.

Number two--There is absolutely nothing you can say to her that will change her. Women who have unrealistic standards usually don't really want to marry. You're right, tall, well built Jewish men who wish to marry a woman who is interested only in being supported as a housewife are in pretty short supply. By setting her standards thus, she won't meet someone and she can convince herself that she won't settle and that's why she's single rather than being single is a choice she's making. Any woman who really want to get married can find a decent man who will make a good husband and father. It takes some effort but it's very doable and women do it every day.

You are too different from these two women. You've got a head on your shoulders and they don't. You will go on with your serious relationship and you will leave them behind. Eventually this will happen.

It's important now for you to look elsewhere for friends for your next stage in life -- other young women who are proceeding like you are. Don't concern yourself with these old friends so much. This is the essence of your letter, I believe. You sense you're pulling away from them -- moving on -- and you want to bring them with you.

You can't. Let them manifest their own lives their own way. If they catch up with you one day, with a partner, then you can resume.

Maybe that first woman you described is not cut out for one-on-one relationships. Cary presumes that it's all about intimacy issues. One-on-ones aren't all they're cracked up to be. They're good for certain types of people.

But being in such a conformist milieu as you all inhabit, what's best for each individual is not supported. You're lucky that you fit the expected norm for your world. Not everyone does. Or should.

And don't worry about the second woman you described. She'll surprise you one day with how she'll get what she's after. Those types always do.