I was in a very similar situation with my (now ex) girlfriend a few years ago. I'm an introvert. She's decidedly not. I need time by myself, she never understood that. Because of circumstances, we decided she should move into my painfully, crushingly small 300 square foot lower east side apartment (thank god I don't live in NYC any more.) There was nowhere to hide. I was so used to having my own space where I could recharge and relax by myself and I don't think she ever appreciated just how important this was to me.

The only thing that managed to salvage our relationship (we continued dating for another three years before it ended) was for us to come to the difficult but necessary decision that either we had to find a larger place together where we there could be space set aside for me to sometimes be by myself, or she had to move back out. We chose the latter option, since it just was not financially possible at the time for us to afford a larger place together. She moved in with roommates and was able to get her fix of constant attention, I still had my own space where I could be alone if I needed it.

It wasn't perfect but it worked. The only way this relationship can be salvaged is if the LW and his significant other are willing to acknowledge the problem, what it is, and that something has to change or it's only going to get worse.

I really don't think that the problem here has much to do about being introverted or extroverted. After all, you are an introvert and you don't lash out in anger at your partner or rant that you are "becoming your mother/father."

There are a lot of misconceptions about what introversion means and, of course, there are many different levels and types. I'm very introverted, but I still look forward to coming home to my partner, cooking dinner, and spending a quiet evening relaxing together. Even if I feel overwhelmed at the end of the day, I don't get angry and lash out at my parnter. Anger seems to be the real problem here.

You partner is not just introverted, she's angry and depressed and she doesn't seem to handle either emotion well. She seems to recognize that she lashes out at her loved ones because of an early childhood pattern. It's great that she recognizes that, but it doesn't seem like she's doing much to fix the situation. She needs to learn ways to cope with her feelings. And you need to learn a new way to respond. Quietly cooking dinner and letter her rave is clearly not working for you.

It's cliche advice, but go to a therapist. It sounds like she's already in therapy, but you might want to find a couple's therapist too.

rather than saying "i'm here if you want to talk about it" and retreating, it might be better to offer your partner a glass of wine (juice? water? cocoa? tea?) and a hug and say, "how was your day? tell me about it." Give them space for talking about it, and don't try to solve any of it, just listen. We're not hearing your partner's side of the story except from your perspective, but if it is as you say, and she's getting angry at you for your silence and retreat, it might just be that she needs you to engage with her more, that she's feeling abandoned and neglected.

Of course, you can't make someone talk about their day. But maybe creating a relaxing environment where you can both decompress and she can talk about her day and you about yours - an evening ritual of sorts - might be good for you both. My parents were a couple of introverts and every evening my dad would come home and he and my mother would have a glass of wine while preparing dinner, and talk about their day. My partner and I do something similar.

Silence can often be misinterpreted, so if you have a tendency toward silence then you can be almost certain that it will be misinterpreted. Sometimes it's better to get things out in the open, to talk about it and just talk about how you feel, without trying to diagnose the other person or the situation, and that can diffuse anything. That is, if you say, "i'm here if you want to talk about it," but you then shut down, your partner is not going to see that as openness, but abandonment.

So clearly this is a communication situation, and you will either fix the communication issues, or you'll not be able to remain living together.

If I were your girlfriend, though, I'd take moving out as a sign of relationship failure, so if you're going to take Cary's advice on that, be certain that you're ready for whatever happens.

For me - when angry and frustrated, sometimes I need that space, as she apparently does - but silence - that's the worst.

Saying you are there is OK - but it also says you see she's having a problem - something she may not want to hear is as visible as it is. Instead of silence, go for normal chatter - maybe a bit less of it - but something from your day that is calming, humorous quip, a bit of news she might find interesting, a question about the cooking, etc. - just a very little of that, enough that it's not blank silence that can be seen as hostile, but not too much as to be annoying for someone pondering over their options at a crappy job they hate.

Aside from that - some type of place where it's agreed, she can go, be alone, and you will assume nothing more than that she needs some quiet time. It can be nothing more than the bathroom - my sister decompresses there - her husband and children know not to bug mommy the first few minutes she's home while she's in there. Silly - but it works.