He would have been devastated it I had told him what I thought. So I lied and praised his essay. I also directed him to works which I think will enable him to improve as a writer.

You sound like you really want to know this person a long time, maybe much of your life. Lie now and you'll be covering that lie the whole time. As an artist I really, really hate false/undeserved praise. I'd even prefer poor critisism over blind acceptance. It helps the creative person not at all to pretend you like something that you know is of poor quality.

It's unfair for you and for her to be somebody you're not. She wants your insights, just be diplomatic and helpful. If your friendship dies over this, it was bound to end stupidly anyway, so sooner is better.

...then she isn't a real writer.

You should be the writer! This is good: "The characters never come to life, and the scenes come across as studied, stilted tableaux tricked up with verbal filigree."

I agree that if she can't field criticism, she can't write. It is an essential component of getting published.

And, Cary, you should get to the point! An editor once told me that if a writer can't get to their point in two or three sentences, then they don't have a point.

Don't you think?

If I asked my husband if my ass looks fat in these jeans and he said nothing----nothing at all! I'd know my ass looked fat in these jeans.

Since you read the novel, I think you have to say something.

How about, "I read your novel, found some absolutely beautiful passages, but think maybe your characters need a little more life. But I really think you have talent!!!!"

This isn't lying. You stated those things in your letter.

Writers are insecure by nature. They just need others to throw them a bone once in a while. Point out the positives. Get through this ONE LAST critique.

By the way, what kind of friend gives you a draft of her latest novel, asks you to comment on it and then gets pissed off when you do? What kind of friend might not be your friend if you tell the truth?

Creative types.....It's a mine field with them.

The LW is a reader. There is a difference. You have a way out with your friend. Simply say, "I'm not a writer, so I can't really offer advice on revisions. However I liked this part and this part. I was a little confused here, but that could just be me. I think this is a very promising start. Have you thought of showing it to a writer's group or paid editor service for their feedback, which would be better than mine, since I'm not a writer?"?

You don't want to dash your friend's dream. Some may say that it's better to be honest, but I think that honesty should come from a writer, not a friend. Friends and family are supposed to support you. They tell you that you look fine when you don't. White lies exist for a reason.

LW, don't fall on the sword by telling your friend what you really think. Instead, point the friend in the direction of an objective third party. And I agree: If your friend resists this, then she's not a real writer.

The phrase for these sorts of situations is, "This needs work." It doesn't mean you are willing to do the work necessary to get the writing up to speed. It means simply that work needs to be done on it. By whom? Maybe an editor, a mentor, or a workshop leader. It's an invitation to show it to others who can offer more substantial and useful criticism.

You're not Sam Tanenhaus, so stifle yourself, and tell your friend that her friendship is so imporant to you, that you're not remotely objective. Encourage her to join a writer's group. No one is asking you to blurb it.

And Cary must be paid by the word.

Tell her she has talent, but that the material is very rough. If she wants to know what's rough, tell her and tell her honestly. You don't have to be mean. You don't have to use worlds like "sucks" "awful" etc. You can say "I don't think this character is well drawn" "this action doesn't fit logically with this previous action" "I don't think this wording is clear" etc.

You're not obligated to be mean, but you aren't obligated to lie to make her feel better. It won't help her writing. Of course, she can decide you don't know what you're talking about and that her work is amazing and some day she will be revered as a great author. And, to be fair, that is a possiblity. But that isn't your concern.

You're concern is that you are afraid of giving your honest response. Either that's what she asked for, or she's wasting her time and yours. Don't give into that. Tell her she needs to develop her innate talent and discipline herself, that this is a great step but you don't see it as publishable material. Tell her why. It doesn't have to be about being mean.

:-))

Cary's approach seems good for a professional writer asked many times for comment. For a good friend, I'm not so sure.

Sometimes, when friends ask what I think of a project, I directly ask if they are looking for "hey great" or constructive criticisms. And sometimes when I show work to a friend who's editing skills I value, I have to say "suggest changes" - I want them. Other times, just affirm. A lot depends on what stage the project is at.

Your friend has, at least you believe, set up a dynamic where any negative feedback is just wrong. Maybe you say something about that, that she doesn't like prefessionals, what do you have to offer? I realize she may swear she wants you to be honest, and then punish you for it. But, I also think if she really claims she wants that, share both good and bad, stressing good, going easy on bad, but being honest.