I had an awful, awful neighbor situation, and the worst thing was my husband and I owned the condo, so we couldn't just move. When we bought the place (first floor in a triple decker), we asked about noise and the sellers said they never heard a thing. This was true for the first few months of our living there.

Then that unit sold, and the people did construction. For months we heard crazy amounts of banging but figured, hey, this is temporary and what can the people do?

Then, we realized that by stripping a bunch of older floor layers, the people decreased the sound insulation by a ton. And they were LOUD. We didn't care so much about the general noise, like yelling or stomping, but the guy played hip hop music at crazy volumes.

We talked to them a million times, and they just didn't give a shit. Like one of the earlier posters said, "when people make noise that inconveniences their neighbours, it's because they truly don't give a shit about their neighbours. You can't make them give a shit by talking to them - it's in their makeup. They are inconsiderate. All you can do is move away."

And that's exactly what we did--but not before a few years passed and I nearly had a nervous breakdown regarding the noise and the general nastiness that surrounded living amongst people you hated. I am so grateful for my single family house.

(PS--I actually had a letter to Cary published on this subject. I'll post a link to it if I can find it...)

I suffered from sleep apnea and the way my body would wake itself up when my breathing passages were clogged was by me hearing loud noises when I was slipping into bad sleep

After treatment I don't hear bumps in the night.

I absolutely relate to the LW. Months and months of sleep deprivation can make you edgy, sensitive, irritable and cause serious stress and health problems - it's not taken as seriously as it should. So it's not something to laugh about. Especially if just a little basic consideration from one's neighbor could prevent it.

When it's unavoidable - i.e. phones ringing, normal walking across the floor, TV sets a little too loud, barking dogs or crying babies (all which I think are acceptable, up to a point), I can live with it. As well as outside noises - car alarms, garbage trucks, traffic. But when it's plain downright inconsiderate behavior past sleep time - let's say, 11PM - right over your bedroom, blasting stereo, banging things, stomping in cowboy boots or high heels, screaming sex, etc. - it's unacceptable. It will drive you insane. You will wake up in the middle of the night and curse the day your neighbors were born. You will pray for one night's uninterrupted sleep.

I once had some inconsiderate jerks living upstairs from me who came home every night at 3 -4 AM from clubbing, turned up their stereo full blast and stomped around the place with their boots on. In the morning, before heading out to work, they literally roller bladed back and forth above my bed. (On an unsanded and uneven wooden plank floor in an old loft. Imagine the Cyclone rollercoaster up close and personal at 7 AM). First I tried friendly conversations. Then, nice notes slipped under the door. Now and then I'd have to call at 4AM and ask them politely to please take off their shoes. Nothing worked. They finally moved after 3 years of hell (leaving 30 Jack Daniels bottles behind) and I got my life back.

Step 1: friendly conversation, as they simply may not be aware - things to suggest: taking shoes off if coming home late at night, get a rug (most leases require 80% of floor space to be covered by a rug)

Step 2: friendly notes slipped under door

Step 3: contact landlord. I think the "warrant of habitability" clause might be relevant?

One thing I know is that the moment it becomes antagonistic, they will not only not care if they are disturbing you, but they will go out of their way to harass you (as some of the posters here have shown).

Betzee, are adolescent boys worth keeping (when the revolution comes)? Perhaps they are. Gotta luv 'em (God knows why ;-)

We all fit into the social ecosystem SOMEwhere

~.^)/

are you from Marquette?

{If so, don't say my name, please. I'm anonymous here.}

But I imagine this problem is universal!

But seriously, does nobody else in these pages want to throw Betzee's droning, racist ass out the window?

One letter per topic would suffice. We already know more about you than we do about any LW in the history of this column.

seems to sum up the attitude of rude, noisy neighbors very succinctly.

He might not hear the shoe. He might not even know that was a shoe. Your first landlord, you communicated, you tried. This guy you seem to be saying you haven't even talked to - and you're ready to give up already.

Talk to him. Might be almost anything. Likely something that doesn't sound as loud to him. Probably something that could be padded or otherwise fixed if you just TALK.

Hey chiefdeputy - I agree about the fan, but replace the tylonal with wine*, beer, pot** or something healthier. Continual use of tylonal kills you, period. Wondering why that crap is legal (it kills thousands) and pot is illegal still ticks me off.

*glass or two of wine daily is good for the heart

** Pot never killed anybody

I sympathize. We have a couple college girls living above us, and except for a party their first night in, they were usually pretty good.

Except once graduation happened, they began to have parties. I couldn't usually hear voices or music or the TV; it was just the constant tromp tromp tromp of feet--over to the bathroom with tile floor; back to the kitchen with tile floor, down the hallway, out on the patio. It sounded like a herd of elephants had moved in and it drove me up a wall. They broke out a blender at 2am one night, which you wouldn't think would carry though a floor, but oh it did.

I asked them to be quiet a couple of times, but eventually took it to my landlord. I did feel bad, since they weren't being loud in the classic sense of music thumping, but I just couldn't take the constant, irregular drumbeat of feet above me at all hours of the night.

Fortunately, they really are nice neighbors, so the parties have ceased, for now. I'm rather tempted to bring them a plate of cookies and a thank you note.