just know- that YOU can't change this person! He is not going to quit drinking or chewing nicotine gum b/c you want him to!

First, he needs to recognize that he has a problem (which it sounds like he is totally in denial about). Second, he needs to want to get straight for his own sake.

if you can't live with the lies- to you or to himself- then get out of this relationship while you (hopefully) still have some semblance of sanity!

"Drunk or outta town don't count".

So, was he actually in the airspace over the U.S. at the time he was cut off? ; )

Thank-you Mr Tennis for your feed-back and many thanks to the writers, btw, I am not seeing this man anymore since early january. Upon returning from Athens he was so drunk the attendant cut him off in business class !!! Live and learn.

I personally think that since the beginning of time that man walked on the earth (and maybe before) people have found ways to alter their consciousness. I am not an alcoholic and I don't object to drinking and I do drink. But I do have a deep respect for the damage that alcohol can do and the lives it can ruin.

I heard expert testimony in the courtroom once that Native Americans are genetically predisposed to become addicted to alcohol. This was a scientist giving scientific evidence and it was not meant to be politically incorrect. It was backed up at the time by scientific research and fact. It did not necessarily help to acquit nor convict the defendant. Not being a scientist, I merely digested it as a scientific theory. But perhaps in these days of worrying about racial/political correctness these types of hypotheses are not published in the mainstream media. The problem, though, comes because alcoholism can be very insidious. There are some people (and not just Native Americans) that are addicted from the very first drink.

We have to realize that alcohol is a poison of sorts, and if you do the research you will see that medically that is why we get a buzz. The poison has reached our brains.

There is a huge difference between drinking responsibly, as they say, and having an addiction. But it can also be a very fine line. This is also a subject that people are very emotional about because of their personal experiences. That is part of the beauty of these websites -- we can voice our opinion in somewhat anonymity or argue a point and then reflect on our own as we read others'.

The letter writer didn't say "she" was romantically involved with the man. It doesn't matter to my response, which was that given time, she will be affected by it. I have had bosses that I have had to cover for as well as friends, and who fits into a category of "alcoholic" I can't say. It truly doesn't matter as far as the potential for harm. Drunks harm other people. That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

I find 2 things very strange-

(1) why does the LW need an answer to something as obvious as this and;

(2) Why do so many of the responding letters assume that LW is a woman? Am I missing something, I reread it and there is no indication of gender in this letter or romantic interest in Mr. Drunk_till_I_pee_my_pants.

Anyways, very funny response Cary!

"Why do people who stop drinking object to others drinking?"

There is a group of people who drink alcohol compulsively and loathe themselves for their lack of self-control and for the shitty things they do when they are under the influence of alcohol.

If/when these sorry individuals ever pull their diapers up and stop drinking, they immediately set about making up a bunch of reasons why they are not fully responsible for their behavior. Thus, we get "co-dependency," and "powerlessness," etc. Essentially, these are efforts to demonize alcohol itself so that some of the burden for the wreckage that is their life can be shifted away from the (wo)man in the mirror.

Do you ever wet the bed?

I stopped drinking a while ago, but decided it was my problem and not everyone else's. So I did not clear all the alcohol out, do not object to my wife having a glass of wine, and would never think to throw someone who had had a drink out of my house. It would be like throwing someone out if they were not a Baptist or not a Catholic. By the way, the LW's friend is not lying. If he were a liar he would tell the LW he never drinks. He is just doing something a lot of people don't seem to like and which may not be good for his health and relationships.

Sort of a bizarre letter if you'd ask me. Why does he (apparently) talk so much about his drinking exploits overseas? Drinking to the blackout stage is something most people are not proud of. Also, it is not entirely clear as to whether his drinking is associated with his job. Is he surrounded by hard-drinking business associates overseas? If that's the case then maybe he should look for a job that limits his travel to the United States, since things seem to get out of control overseas. He is trying to send you some kind of message, although I am not sure what it is. Frankly, he sounds like he needs some type of counseling, alcohol related or otherwise.

They moved to Valencia sometime in the 1970s, I believe.

It's funny when drunks wet the bed. Also, when they fall down the stairs and injure themselves.

Stupid drunks.

The best medicine is scornful laughter.

I've been waiting for this. How does Cary manage to stay so fresh?

I think everyone's problem with this guy stems from the fact that he is basically lying. He says he doesn't drink but he does!

I just wanted to say "congrats" regarding your advice column award (you mentioned it a few columns ago).

Love! Love! Love! Love your column!