...drama queen! Do something for someone, why don't you? How about volunteering at an orphanage?

I suspect that all of these letters to Cary are written by him. The writing style is similar and quite good and frankly, most people are not that good at writing. Entertaining to be sure, but from "real" people, I doubt it.

I like Cary's answer to this letter a lot. I haven't had experience with being orphaned at an early age, but I do have experience with having to "change my story" to get on with life in a healthy way. It's good advice.

I'm not buying it, aside from having a name that seems created especially for this comment of yours, some of the letters Cary prints do seem like "fakes" although I don't know why he'd write them himself. I'd be interested to hear Cary's remarks on whether he edits letters he prints, fixes spelling, grammar, etc. I had serious doubts about a letter a couple of weeks ago being "real" (the one from the teenager whose parents were going to kick her out of their house); but I would assume if it wasn't "real" that it was still from a person other than Cary.

Please don't listen to these a-holes. You're hurting and I hope some of the good advice (Cary's and others') helps you. Be well.

LW,

It hurts. Rejection just simply hurts. Each of us deals with it in our own way. I'm not an orphan, but was abused by a parent. That hurts. It colors everyting in my world. While I don't know your pain, I do know pain. I do know loss. I do know about learning how difficult life can be for a child, and the adult whom the child becomes.

The trick, I think, is that after so many bone crushing impacts from falling off the trapeze, one starts to to craft their own net.

What do I mean by this? Build something safe. Something that's yours. A retreat. A respite. A place where you go where you are safe. Life is suffering. Buddha tells us this. But it's not always suffering.

Maybe you like to sing. Maybe you like to dance. Maybe when you sing or when you dance or when you run or when you write or when you kickbox or when you do all of these things or do the thing that makes you feel strong, makes you feel validated, makes you feel calm and at peace, safe, comforted, you go to the place that this takes you. When you are in this place, start crafting your net. Make sure the rope is strong. Make sure the knots are tight. From this place where you are safe and protected and taking care of yourself, build a net. Know that the ropes are strong and the knots are tight. Know that this is waiting for you when your grip slips, or when you are waiting for someone to catch you who does not. Know that you are going to be okay, that you have ways of taking care of yourself. Even falling onto nets hurts, but you survive those falls. The nets are not concrete. The net saves you. You build the net. You save yourself.

Find the place where you are safe and build a place to live there. Furnish it. Make it welcoming. This is the place you go when you fall. This is the net. Love is pain. Love is hurt. Love is joy. Love is happiness. Hurting from love is better than hurting without it. It is worth the risk every time.

Be well,

and becoming a gardner who grows roots where she is.Everyday when you go out you will see surprising new growth and sometimes even things you didn't plant. You will have to tuck your garden away for winter and weed and prune but you will the

mother/father to many living beings who look to you for nourishment.Maybe then you will understand the days when you really don't feel like watering or weeding and how tiresome it can be to never get a vacation and forgive the men who decided they weren't up to the 24 hour task that you presented them with.

Maybe too you will develop the ability to read the weather, expect the seasons and plan ahead so that you can grow the things you're interested in having,which may change year to year but will be many times more interesting than the subsistence diet of potatoes you are confining yourself to now.

and another that lost her mother at a very young age. I will agree it is certainly painful, depending on the circumstances and there are no good circumstances, except when there is pain and suffering, and there is that too. Sad as it is to lose a parent, never mind both, it is sadder to let it run your life. The love does not die because you have lost the source that yes looks out for your back, or at the least trys be a source of comfort. A parent at times takes a back seat, even to people who have not died, there are children that hate their parents and practically wish them dead. But that is not your case, you are left with that wallowing feeling, of loss and not having an emotional outlet for the suffering you are feeling. You can handle that in a couple of ways, one is going to your place of worship and asking for a mass, light a candle and pray for them both to be a peace. Another is to do good deeds in their name, in their honor, write about what their accomplishements were anything that conjurers up in your mind a peaceful presence, where you can share in their joy. On some level it is very theurputic to feel that the both deceased parents are at reast. Once you can accept that they are at rest, and should not be sought after, your mind will find new ways to cope. You will not seek the attention your mom or dad might have offered you. It is truly hard to distinguish, both the sides of parenting, the very basic things parents do, wash dishes, clean clothes, simple things that are easily ignored. But once they are gone, are like OMI GOD moments of reflection, that is life, but looking for that attention in all the wrong places is only going set your mind up for playing tricks on you, it is going to leave you feeling exactly as you are, exhausted and not be able to distinguish between two very different types of love. Things happen, if you ask a local hospital or clergy you might get some one to help set up a support group, or at the least go for some bereavement counseling. Good Luck and I am sorry for your loss. God Bless