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• Wednesday, July 8, 2009 06:33 PM

  Different experiences, same pain.

  My daughter was rejected by her biological parents at age 12. Both signed away parental rights rather than give up destructive relationships and drug habits. She went in to foster care, group homes and failed adoptions. And finally, at age 15, to me. This allowed her to imagine that there were still people out there who, on some level, cared. Except that when she was 19 and went looking, they were no better off than before and still wanted little or nothing to do with her.

  I guess the one thing she may have that you may not is to hope against hope that some day, they might just come around. Except, that they might not, and so far not so good.

  There is no point is arguing over who hurts the most, or has the most right to be screwed up due to circumstances.

  Please don't start sharing your pain haphazardly. One of my daughter's problems has been trying to get too close, too quickly. Again, and again, and again. There may not be group therapy for orphans. But you can sometimes find it for people with abandonment issues. Look into Dr. Linehan's model for dialetical behavior therapy.

  Many people can find true homes in church, and there are many churches who have a pretty high tolerance for people who are just there for the company and can pass on some or all of the message. And there are others who have been damaged by church and are better off in Starbucks with a book.

  Peace.

  —WonderLaw Read WonderLaw's other letters
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