The main reason beginners give up on the guitar is the plywood crap sold as beginner guitars at most shops. They are buzzy, hard to play, never stay in tune and just sound terrrible. Invest in a quality instrument (with a professional set-up job) and you will progress. I promise. You're a lawyer, you can afford it.

Time was it would cost at least a grand for a good solid wood guitar. Nowadays you can get a Guild GAD series or a Epiphone Masterbuilt for quite a bit less. Of course nothing beats a big boomy Martin or a sweet Gibson. Just don't waste your time with a cheapo ax.

You love it. Keep doing it. Who cares if you are any good?

Slightly longer answer: get yourself a copy of the DVD The Visitor. It's perfect for a family, it's a lovely movie, and it will convince you that loving what you do is so much more important than how well you do it--so long as you are doing it for YOU.

Please please stay with the guitar. Your goal of playing shouldn't be solely to master songs (although that's fun), but to learn something new and let your brain grow in different directions. How much better that it's something with a steep learning curve -- you're getting so much more out of it. I too am a woman and a lawyer (although I don't have kids and I'm not yet invisible), and recently picked up the bass guitar. I joined a band of my friends, and we're not great, but it certainly opens my mind to learn how to play.

I can relate to your schedule (even though I don't have kids), as I used to keep those kind of hours. But at that time I was in my 20s and single, and was as least able to stay out of the rut through my social life. Now I'm in my 30s and have switched jobs to one with significantly less time-demands. The free time I have to play music, run and ride my bike, garden, read, take long walks, camp, travel, visit people, etc., is my most valuable possession. I'm not telling you that you need to make a career change, although that would certainly help you. But to get yourself out of the rut that you're clearly in, you need to keep doing new fresh things. The guitar gives your mind something to grow with -- I doubt your practice or your mothering do that much at all anymore. If you're feeling bad at times about not mastering the guitar, then sit down at the piano and remind yourself that you don't suck.

Too often, parents, especially mothers, let who they are disappear into the too-busy mix of marriage, work, parenthood, and, in your case, commuting.

Please don't do this.

By taking up and sticking with guitar, you're showing your kids that it's okay to pursue their passions, that they don't have to be perfect to do something they enjoy, and that mothers have a right to claim some personal time and interests that don't (horrors!) revolve around the family. Plus, you're laying the groundwork for an interesting hobby to pursue further once your kids are out of the nest.

Your kids can just get over themselves. You have a right to interests and hobbies, too, and they can learn some manners while they're at it. You're their mother, not their slave. As for your husband - why does something have to "go" somewhere? Does watching a sunset, brushing your hair, smelling autumn leaves, enjoying a work of art have to "lead" somewhere? Living is much more than things that "go" somewhere. Taking an hour or two out of the week for something you love isn't just important - it's critical.

I hope you keep playing and that it brings you great joy.

Cary,

This resonated with me and I thank you for it. To have such clarity accompanied by the ability to express yourself so easily and with humor is a gift. I was intrigued by this letter for the same reason:

" I know as men we sometimes do not appreciate the burden of being constantly seen. To constantly be the object of others' gaze. As if you were under surveillance!"

LW,

I don't agree with anyone who asks, "Where is this going?". Why does it have to be a moneymaker or a big ticket to be worthy? When I was young I had a book called The Mouse with the Musical Ear. It was simply about following your passion which ends up being pleasing to others too. Play on! Play a little with friends maybe, impromptu. From one music lover to another I say, find open space and fill it with your music.

Presumably, the teenagers in question are taking piano lessons because they like it - by that age, one is most definitely free to choose to stop. The LW does not sound like she's forcing them into it.

Now, consider this. What are the kids learning if they take lessons, work hard at learning to play an instrument, and then see their mom quitting music because "this is not going anywhere"? Is this going to make them want to continue taking piano lessons? One assumes that they're not headed for Carnegie Hall - so shouldn't the question of "where is this going" apply to them as well?

Compare this situation: the kids are seeing their mom integrate music-making into her life - going so far as to play the guitar in her cramped car on her lunch hour. The kids are also seeing their mom have fun - either making music on her own, or forming a band (which I hope she does). They see that music is important - that learning music serves a purpose even when one is an adult. They work harder at their piano lessons as a result.

Another point: if the LW had decided, as her "me time", to go get her nails done once a week and to spend 15 minutes a day doing some special face treatment, would anyone here have any objections? If she had decided to spend 15 minutes a day doing yoga, would anyone ask "where is this going"? For that matter - for all of you who are sending her to the gym, does it matter that she'll never be Arnold Schwartzenegger, and that she's not supervising her kids while she's at the gym?

Most of the musicians who perform at the festivals where I play have day jobs (sometimes very demanding ones - there is at least one lawyer, a couple of doctors, and other similar professions), as well as families and children. They make music a part of their lives because it gives them pleasure. Yes, this is a non-mainstream form of entertainment; it's much more socially acceptable to veg out in front of the teevee or to run on a treadmill at the gym. But for a small group of eccentrics (and the LW seems to be one of them), it's what feeds the soul.