Cary,

This resonated with me and I thank you for it. To have such clarity accompanied by the ability to express yourself so easily and with humor is a gift. I was intrigued by this letter for the same reason:

" I know as men we sometimes do not appreciate the burden of being constantly seen. To constantly be the object of others' gaze. As if you were under surveillance!"

LW,

I don't agree with anyone who asks, "Where is this going?". Why does it have to be a moneymaker or a big ticket to be worthy? When I was young I had a book called The Mouse with the Musical Ear. It was simply about following your passion which ends up being pleasing to others too. Play on! Play a little with friends maybe, impromptu. From one music lover to another I say, find open space and fill it with your music.

Too often, parents, especially mothers, let who they are disappear into the too-busy mix of marriage, work, parenthood, and, in your case, commuting.

Please don't do this.

By taking up and sticking with guitar, you're showing your kids that it's okay to pursue their passions, that they don't have to be perfect to do something they enjoy, and that mothers have a right to claim some personal time and interests that don't (horrors!) revolve around the family. Plus, you're laying the groundwork for an interesting hobby to pursue further once your kids are out of the nest.

Your kids can just get over themselves. You have a right to interests and hobbies, too, and they can learn some manners while they're at it. You're their mother, not their slave. As for your husband - why does something have to "go" somewhere? Does watching a sunset, brushing your hair, smelling autumn leaves, enjoying a work of art have to "lead" somewhere? Living is much more than things that "go" somewhere. Taking an hour or two out of the week for something you love isn't just important - it's critical.

I hope you keep playing and that it brings you great joy.

Please please stay with the guitar. Your goal of playing shouldn't be solely to master songs (although that's fun), but to learn something new and let your brain grow in different directions. How much better that it's something with a steep learning curve -- you're getting so much more out of it. I too am a woman and a lawyer (although I don't have kids and I'm not yet invisible), and recently picked up the bass guitar. I joined a band of my friends, and we're not great, but it certainly opens my mind to learn how to play.

I can relate to your schedule (even though I don't have kids), as I used to keep those kind of hours. But at that time I was in my 20s and single, and was as least able to stay out of the rut through my social life. Now I'm in my 30s and have switched jobs to one with significantly less time-demands. The free time I have to play music, run and ride my bike, garden, read, take long walks, camp, travel, visit people, etc., is my most valuable possession. I'm not telling you that you need to make a career change, although that would certainly help you. But to get yourself out of the rut that you're clearly in, you need to keep doing new fresh things. The guitar gives your mind something to grow with -- I doubt your practice or your mothering do that much at all anymore. If you're feeling bad at times about not mastering the guitar, then sit down at the piano and remind yourself that you don't suck.

You love it. Keep doing it. Who cares if you are any good?

Slightly longer answer: get yourself a copy of the DVD The Visitor. It's perfect for a family, it's a lovely movie, and it will convince you that loving what you do is so much more important than how well you do it--so long as you are doing it for YOU.

The main reason beginners give up on the guitar is the plywood crap sold as beginner guitars at most shops. They are buzzy, hard to play, never stay in tune and just sound terrrible. Invest in a quality instrument (with a professional set-up job) and you will progress. I promise. You're a lawyer, you can afford it.

Time was it would cost at least a grand for a good solid wood guitar. Nowadays you can get a Guild GAD series or a Epiphone Masterbuilt for quite a bit less. Of course nothing beats a big boomy Martin or a sweet Gibson. Just don't waste your time with a cheapo ax.

I can't get over the support for a woman to ignore her family and career!

"I don't agree with anyone who asks, "Where is this going?". Why does it have to be a moneymaker or a big ticket to be worthy?"

Because it comes at the expense of her family and career. Because her husband is asking her why playing the guitar is more important than time with her kids or her relationship with her partner.

"Setting a powerful example for your kids

Too often, parents, especially mothers, let who they are disappear into the too-busy mix of marriage, work, parenthood, and, in your case, commuting."

Right. Because you should ignore your responsibilities and do what makes YOU happy right? Typical self absorbed baby boomer B.S.

"By taking up and sticking with guitar, you're showing your kids that it's okay to pursue their passions, "

Even at the expense of those they love?

The Suzuki method of learning music has young tots listening every day to "Twinkle, Twinkle" for ONE WHOLE YEAR before they play it. They spend weeks learning how to hold the bow. Can you record your teacher playing the song you are learning and listen to it on your commute? Also find recordings of songs you will be learning how to play in the future. It is amazing, but you will benefit tremendously by imaging yourself playing. This way you can really make use of the time you are commuting.

Best of luck to you. You already have the most important part down - the passion!