This sounds like what my marriage turned into about seven years in (about the time I was diagnosed as infertile, after we'd always planned on having a family). All of a sudden I couldn't do anything right. There was no reasoning with him a la Cary. I got so tired of it that I left, and filed for divorce a year later. The day the divorce was granted, I walked out of the courthouse feeling nothing but relief. I've since heard other similar stories from women in which it eventually came out that the man wanted out (often because of a girlfriend on the side) but didn't want to be the "bad guy" and end the relationship. LW, I think you're going to get a unanimous response of "run" from the posters here. Then after you've run a safe distance away from being constantly harped on and belittled, ask yourself why you put up with it. You do not deserve it. No one does. It's better to be single than to be with someone who constantly reminds you what a disappointment you are ... and I speak from experience.

I am full of mistakes waiting to happen, but they are livable mistakes.

These are the words of a wise and self-accepting person.

Now DTMFA.

It will never get better and you will start to shrink and die unless you immediately cut the cord. Please don't look back.

Get out of this relationship ASAP. I've known a person like your boyfriend for 40 years. It doesn't get better. If you stay, you will start to internalize all the absurd criticism. You'll start to think you really are bad for leaving a door open, or burning something on the stove, or forgetting an appointment, or what-have-you. It is emotional abuse. He is doing it to control you. He is an infant. Leave now.

i was in a similar situation. and now suspect that my ex-bf had borderline personality disorder. but at the time i blamed myself for failing to be perfect, for hurting him when in fact he overreacted to everything. i don't know... maybe this guy has bpd too?

Honestly LW you had to write somebody about this? Here's a simple truth - you can't change people. The only way BF will change is if you dump his rear end tonight. Maybe he'll get better by the next girl, but you've accepted his crap day in and day out for 5 years - this is the pattern, and it will stay the same for the rest of your time together. Stop pretending it's going to get better. It won't, get out, period.

That is emotional abuse. He's trying to tear down your self-esteem. He's already lured you into believing that you are under any obligation to "perform" for him, to be an object of perfection instead of another person. You need to get out before he really starts escalating the abuse.

Now. He will never change and you will turn into a nervous wreck trying to live up to his unattainable standards. I threw away two years of my life doing the same thing with a man who was exactly like your boyfriend and spent a year after leaving him learning to stop feeling like a worthless piece of crap for leaving a CD in the car on a hot day. You don't need this.