Despite the majority opinion here, I offer a differing opinion. Your boyfriend is seeking your attention. It's not about the little things you've not done; it's about what is being missed on a deeper level. You are not meeting his deepest needs, so he is using everything in the outer world to rub your nose in it, over and over and over again. I'm sure it feels terrible. But having been on both sides of this one, I can say that the constant criticism is a symptom that you are not attuned to each other and something needs to be expressed. How about asking him what he REALLY wants? Tell him to do some soul-searching and come back to you in with a few things that, if changed, would make the most difference. Big things, not picky things. They may or may not be qualities that you can deliver. But you need to understand what the larger issues are, in his opinion. In my case, I felt like my gf was perpetually checked out, not registering, and I was the one who had to constantly overcompensate for both of us. It was draining. Every criticism was designed to get her to check back in. It never worked, of course. And ultimately, I left because I got tired of it. Once you both understand the subtext, THEN you can decide if you wish to dump him or make changes. Good luck--it's a very challenging situation!

This was my Saturday night date. After serving a fabulous meal to a BF of 2 months I get: Why is your dress so baggy? Why do you slouch?

As he slouched in his chair wearing baggy clothes.

to quote "The Rules:" "Why do you want someone who doesn't want you?"

Relationships really aren't that complex. If you're w/someone and they make you happy--you stay. If they don't--you bring up the problem, and either they change, or not. Then either you stay and put up, or you go.

This matter could've been resolved when the r'ship was a few months old, or 1 yr at most. LW shouldn't over-analyze the problem. Either she's happy w/her BF, or not. She's told him what she doesn't like, but he keeps doing it. That's hostile. And they aren't even married!

And now it's up to her to stay or go. As the old Spanish saying goes, "it's better to be alone than in poor company."

This has been a wonderful discussion to read. Aside from the terminally snarky and unuseful comments, there has been a lot here about the nature of relationships.

As I read, I started relating to the LW, having escaped a harshly critical charmer myself a time or two. I remember how hard it was to get out, how difficult to reassess myself and rebuild my self-image after. I remember the tug-of-war in myself, trying to deal with what I adored vs. what was hurting me. But as I read on, I started remembering (with some shame) a time when I was the critic. The guy would roll over when I demanded, so I kept demanding more. I enjoyed the feeling of dominance but I found I rather despised the person for permitting me to berate him. I also despised myself for going there. As a relationship, this pattern does not work for either. (At least, it does not work for me, no matter which end of the stick I held.) (I have my own issues, of course.) Neither are good heads to be in, and it is a hard pattern to break. Perhaps there are people who need this sort of twisted relationship, who respond comfortably to those dynamics -- but, hon, they have major issues.

Control, it seems, can be a bit addictive, and the controller seldom respects the person who keeps caving. When the nagged person set boundaries for the nagger, the relationship either improves or ends. This rather depends on whether there is any feeling left. It also depends on whether the feelings were based in the unbalanced nature of the relationship. Some people, sadly, cannot function in a balanced relationship and do not want one.

So, LW, the question is whether the relationship can be saved. You are in it. Start, NOW, setting boundaries very clearly and forcefully, as villagejonesy suggests. Don't waver. Don't cave. Respect and love yourself. Be kind to yourself and to him. See what happens. See if he has enough love and respect and kindness for the real person you are to pay attention.

You will have your answer on whether to stay or go soon enough.

There is no such thing as a perfect person. There is no such thing as a normal family.

Grow up.

LW --

(1) If you were to stay with this man for the next two, three, five, or ten years, might you be tempted to cheat one day? Could you build a life with this person without being vulnerable to the first guy who comes around, talks sweet, and seems to like you exactly as you are?

(2) Kids whose parents treated them this way can hardly wait to leave home, and often will never get over it. A certain ache stays with them forever. Kids run away from this, as soon as they can. Why are you chosing it?

(3) Let's say you are at a restaurant and you drop your purse. Your boyfriend says, "Oh, sweetie, you've dropped your purse. Here, let me get it for you." Does this sound remarkable to you, like an impossible sentence you will never hear said to you, ever, for the rest of your life, no matter what you do?

Just what have you allowed yourself to get used to?

Just Sayin'.

I dated a guy like that. At first I thought he was awesome - handsome, smart and sexy. As I got to know him better I learned that he was a serious narcissist - wanting all the women to want him, etc. etc. He began to drop little comments like "Boy you're in a weird mood today." Wha? So I'd tell him hey, stop baiting me. You know that you push my buttons when you say things like this. Please stop doing it.

Nope. 2 days later, same thing. "Why are you in such a bad mood?"

I dumped his a&&. Things are much more peaceful now.

Get rid of the guy.