- Top Features:
- War Room
- Glenn Greenwald
- Broadsheet
- Joan Walsh
- Camille Paglia
- Since You Asked
- Follow Salon:
Read other letters about this article
Oh no! I recognized a bit of my old self in the BF. In times of stress in my marriage (I'm now a widower) I would rant about what a mess the house was, how no one but me seemed to do anything to clean up, and on and on. My wife wouldn't put up with it, she would wait until I had finished ranting, or was reduced to mumbling under my breath, and then say, "Are you done?" Then she would ask me what I thought really was wrong. I came, over the course of a couple of years, to ask myself that question when the usual disorder of the house would start upsetting me. That is, why are you so upset? What the hell is REALLY bothering you?
It isn't perfection anyone seeks, I suspect, but a sense of control. If BF doesn't let go of that, all the characterizations of him, sociopath, narcissist, etc., probably don't matter. What does matter is that he can't really control reality, and she can't let him try, because it will destroy her.
