I don't disagree. Each case is different, and what's fair is fair. I'm familiar with two divorces in which the high-income husband had to pay alimony for many years (in one case, a few decades -- from day of divorce until Social Security). Divorce settlements should be reasonable but they shouldn't be a sinecure for the non-working spouse.

However, I don't buy the argument that there is some equivalence between being a "corporate wife" and a corporate leader. There was a divorce case several years ago between Gary Wendt, who ran GE Capital, and his wife Laura. The estate was worth ~ $80 million, and Laura wanted half, arguing that her entertaining and other support was equal to his labor. The judge disagreed and gave her (a measly) $10 million. Putting yourself on the line, undergoing job stress for years, and having the skills to rise to the top are unequal to being the "corporate spouse."

hey bassare, actually I'm at the beach, a NC beach, which are the best beaches in the USA. I did qualify my comments with in NC, where proof of cheating would leave the cheating partner in a pretty bad state. I also suggested trying to work things out, as LW might be the clod his wife makes him out to be. However printing out the evidence of cheating seems like a good idea to me. Maybe you tolerate cheating in your marriage, maybe you think out and out lying to one's spouse's face is an acceptable place to start but frankly I prefer honesty. Have a nice day!

sara.bellum LW violated nothing when he read his cheating wife's emails. First emails are hardly sacred. What kind of IDIOT shares emails with somebody they are cheating with? I expect zero privacy with my emails when it comes to my DW and vice versa. If you have secrets from your spouse, you have no business being married, period. One guesses you have never been married or whomever you married had the good sense to run for the hills from you.

You were asking if women would have the same advice to a woman. I said yes. What you need to proove me wrong is find a similar letter from a woman and post EVERY comment from a woman there, alongside the comment of EVERY woman here. You haven't bothered to even compare this to any other letters.

While we're at it, we could compare the responses from men. Once you take out the obvious women-haters and man-haters (people obviously caught up in their own dramas) I predict the responses will run a similar proportional course.

mickisue, good points in your post except the wife has no right to any kind of privacy in this relationship. Certainly LW shouldn't tell her he's reading her emails, but he should keep at it. She will prolly switch to another email account (unless she's stupid, which wouldn't be a surprise with both LW and the wife) but keystroke recording software ought to get around that. The wife (assuming LW is truthful) needs to be monitored, for a long, long time - it's about the LW protecting himself and his daughter.

what the hell is wrong with you. she's fucked two other guys while attacking you. grow a pair.

--"who has argued that..."

Well, probably someone has, but you didn't read it; after all, when you last huffed on another thread that, "for all those lacking reading skills, not ONE post here that I've read advocated throwing someone in jail for statutory rape," and "learn to READ, people," it turned out that ahoythere had indeed written:

BTW… LW, If I was the mother of that girl and if she was underage, I might be all over your kid for statutory rape. But my lawyer or the cops would most definitely be all over YOU for turning a blind eye and allowing it to happen.

So you never know! ( ;) Sorry, I'll stop--I'm only teasing you, but I had to throw that in because the other thread was closed and you were so certain of it--don't hate me)

/shamelessly OT

I'm a bad person, I know. Continue.

Anyway, the person in this article sounds as if he's married to a bullshitter. I think it's about that simple. If you stay married to her, you're staying married to a playa, wheeler-dealer. I'm not saying "you must divorce." Marriage isn't one-size-fits-all, as they say, and maybe some people just love a playa, and what can you do? Actually, I think there are a bunch of people like that. But I couldn't stand it. My 2c--

This is typical of the polarization and demonization of the sexes typically found on these threads. People are above all, PEOPLE, not merely men and women. We're human. We fail. We make promises and don't fulfill them. We try to be faithful and end up cheating. We promise to love someone forever and ever, and then we fall out of love.

OF COURSE women tend to be more sympathetic to other women, with similar experiences (Agile Cyborg: DUH!). Men are the same way. IF the story was reversed and the LW was the cheating partner, we'd be knee-deep on troll letters about "good for you! your wife is drunk alcoholic bitch, and probably real fat and hairy also". It's pretty normal to be more sympathetic to the participants you identify with the most.

I think, reading between the lines, LW was/is an alcoholic, and a workaholic, and probably a depressing, complaining sort ("I hate my job, but must put in 80 hours a week"). I think by drinking a lot he shut his wife out...not recently, but for years. On her side, I think she stuck it out stoically while their daughter was very young, then when she got older and the opportunity presented itself, she met men on the internet and had affairs, partly to console herself and partly out of loneliness and partly because most people (men AND women) prefer to exit an old relationship on the arms of a new partner...SO much easier and nicer than spending a long time alone.

Naturally, the LW sees this, panics, see his old life (home, child, familiarity) departing...cuts down on the drinking and then suddenly sober, hears the wife's anger and finds out her infidelity. Sad, but a long time coming. There is 20 years of anger and neglect and alcoholism underlying this; it won't go away tomorrow and it won't be cured overnight.

I think the LW would be amazed how much might be accomplished if he admitted his alcoholism and joined AA. But honestly, you can't ignore a 20 year problem, and then think you can "fix it" overnight with half-assed intentions.

There is some bad info here, typical of anger and misogyny regularly displayed on Salon (and so often, MISSPELLED!). Almost all states are now "no-fault" -- nobody gives a rat's ass if you cheated, and if your partner cheated it will NOT give you automatically more money or assets in a divorce. One of the big reasons behind "no fault" was to quicken the divorce process and also so that lawyers and judges didn't have to LISTEN to your awful, dragged out, accusatory, embarrassing, sexual stories about infidelity, cheating, "he said-she said". It hasn't always worked out that way, but that was part of the intent.

In virtually any divorce, the WINNERS are...the LAWYERS! If you think any differently, you are a fool and in denial. In most cases, the party with the MOST MONEY is the one with the advantage -- they can hire better lawyers, and for longer, and afford prolonged court battles. Judges typically choose the wealthier party in custody cases (though obviously only where custody is DISPUTED; most men DO NOT WANT custody of their children).

Almost no one ever gets "lifetime alimony" so it is really time trolls stopped saying that it is common or expected. The exceptions would be a divorce very late in life (parties over 65), or where one party is really vastly wealthier than the other (an celebrity or sports star, not YOU). Most alimony awards are for a couple of years max; and on top of that, most alimony is NEVER COLLECTED (even less than child support). And it's far harder to go to court to try to get unpaid alimony; you do not have the sympathy factor you do with minor children.

Almost nobody is ever awarded HALF of anyone's paycheck; there are child support guidelines and typically they max out at 35% of after tax salary. (An exception might be someone like Mr. Duggar, with 18 homeschooled children.) If you have 1-2 children like MOST FAMILIES, then you are looking at 15%-18%, and most wage earners in the US earn around $40k a year. Fifteen percent of that is....SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS. Just try living on that, let alone raising two kids! NO ONE IS GETTING RICH ON CHILD SUPPORT, unless your ex was a basketball superstar or similar. (Even then, it's all gonna go away on the kid's 18th birthday and that comes faster than you'd think.)

All states make some semblance of dividing the marital property evenly. It is almost unheard of for one spouse to simply "get" the house -- that would only be true in the case of very wealthy people who own outright several homes. In most normal situations, "the house" isn't owned, but heavily mortgaged -- in today's economy, it isn't really even an asset but a responsibility (taxes, mortgage, insurance, repairs). What is REALLY happening in most cases is that the wife and kids are allowed to stay in the house -- to keep the kids in a familiar setting and the same schools -- and she only has that right until the last child graduates. That is NOT THE SAME as "getting" a free house.

Frankly, in today's housing market, it is likely that neither party can afford an expensive mortgage and additional costs, and the house can't be sold and has little or no equity.

Divorce is a lose-lose proposition; no one comes out ahead (except the afore-mentioned lawyers). When people I know talk about divorcing, I tell them this:

"First go to your backyard and dig a giant hole. Then throw into the hole ALL your money and every possession you love and hold dear. Then pour gasoline over the whole mess, and set it on fire. While watching it burn, beat yourself senseless with a stick. If after watching the smoldering ashes of everything you worked for, you STILL WANT A DIVORCE...then proceed."