LW, you say for months you dismissed everything your wife said as her problem, but when you saw the light you changed "instantly." Um, that's not likely. More likely is you began making changes, or immediately recognized a need for change...which is good. But when your wife didn't automatically respond to these great changes (and maybe she did do/say terrible things) you snoop into her email and acuse her of adultery (which maybe she is guilty of) but now you want it to be all about her wrongs.

It simply sounds like there is still hurt and blame still on both sides here, and it may take a while to work out.

So she's not interested in trying. Inside every nurse beats the heart of a tyrannical control freak with a martyr complex.

First things first - if your wife hasn't deleted the emails (and they can prolly be retrieved) than print up the letters that prove she's had these affairs. That way, if you must divorce, you have the goods to make sure she gets nothing what so ever, including your daughter (at least here in NC). Secondly, who gives a crap if she denies the affairs. Toss her ass out. Get all her stuff, put it in garbage bags and put them outside the front door. If she wants back in, she must admit to the affairs, stop lying and go into some sort of counseling. Frankly I'm kind of shocked at anybody, male or female, who puts up withabuse and hateful words on a continuing basis. It sounds to me like the marriage is pretty much over, but I'd first give counseling or something a chance. Clearly your wife has had a list of unspoken grievences for a long time, maybe suffering in silence. I can see how if you've been a clod for 15 years a year or two of 'being better' doesn't exactly make up for it. So your choices are rebuilding a marriage or tearing it and your daughters life apart. I'd say give the rebuilding a shot, a serious shot. But print up the emails, make sure YOU hold all the cards, so if things don't work out you get what you deserve

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

All the King's Horses and

All the King's men

Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Sorry, man. It's all over but for the shouting.

Get out now. Marshall your resources so you can care for your daughter. People who stay together "for the children" are never thinking about the children.

Voice of experience here.

But you won't listen. It takes two people to save a marriage. Your wife isn't interested. Good luck.

I also thought to mention that there is cheap software you can instal that will record keystrokes, incase you want to spy on your wife some more (and she has earned this spying with her dishonest behavior). If you face a divorce you might as well be well armed. Not only that, but you need to be aware of any other surprises your wife is planning against you.

Do you have a neutral friend or relative to talk to? You might seek an honest person who knows you both to find out just how big a clod you've been. Maybe you've been getting and ignoring warning signs for a decade or more. Maybe you wife is just a drama queen complainer who blames everyone else for her problems. You need to find out to make sound decisions. Some people (perhaps including you) are rather blind to what assholes they really are. In all this I'm assuming that these emails are an absolute admission of affairs, not interpretations on your part.

try not to get raped in the divorce.

I think there is something here that, rightly or wrongly is going to seal this deal - whether that's to stay together or split apart, and that's the infidelity issue.

The LW needs to decide now the following:

Is this something he can live with? I mean, a la women of yore, who turned a blind eye, ignored it and waited for it to go away. If so, do it now. Become reconciled now. Learn to love your wife and turn a blind eye now. If this strategy is ever going to get your marriage through you have to live it to the full, a la Jackie Kennedy. Otherwise, if you don't say anyhting but you're unhappy anyway the marriage is stil going to fall apart. And if you're going to go this way and repress it then you have to REPRESS it. No bringing it up in counselling. No little hints dropped here and there. Bury the whole thing in the back yard of your mind and throw a tonne of dirt over it. Grow some sweet smellign roses there.

Is this something he cannot live with if it's ongoing? Then the LW needs to confront the wife right now. Print out the emails, throw a screaming fit, get the truth out into the open now.

Is this something he cannot live with, full stop? I've been there. My SO at the time had had affairs, but it was all in the past. I couldn't get over it though. Much as I might try. I just couldn't respect or desire him any more. This was just how it was. We went to counselling. We tried, but there it was. Maybe it's something in the way I'm wired. The concept of 'we' was ruined. I think it's called something like 'a narcisstic injury'. I just couldn't love or believe in 'us' anymore.

So, LW, which one of these is you? Don't know? Then you need to decide anyway. Paritcularly if it's going to be number one, becuase that needs to be embarked on right away.

Finally, is it possible you are misinterpreting those emails? Just putting that out there ....

even John Anderson can't find something funny to say about it.

I think most salonistas have read enough about the impact of adultery to last quite a while.

I did once have a Taiwanese friend who abruptly quit her good job in LA to accompany the hubby to China where his company wanted him based. She did this so he would not take a mistress. I felt like pointing out, "Aah, if you weren't married you wouldn't have to base every major decision of the possibility he might cheat." But, to each his or her own.