To my dying day, and at my age it won't be long, I will never know how my mother intuited that out of all the other boys I was dating, my future husband would be the one to have my virginity while still in high school. When he showed up for our first date, she took him aside and read him the riot act while laying down the rules for dating me, something she never did with anyone else. Of course, we quickly broke those rules since teen hormones will overcome most obstacles if given half the chance.

Well said, Mr. Tennis, and I could not agree more.

"And if it was your daughter you found in bed with a boy ... ?

I'm quite sure your response would have been quite different."

I must be in the minority for knowing full well my child would face the fullest extent of parent-law if I discovered him or her in bed with somebody in our house in high school. The old "they're going to do it anyway" doesn't fly for me. There is something to be said for respecting your parents' wishes if their wish if for you not to be banging somebody under their roof at 17 years of age.

I agree, katewest, that posters wouldn't be nearly as libertine if the son here was a daughter instead.

I am the mother of a young woman and three young men. Until they were in college, none of them had sex in my house. Now, the fact that there were four of them, and they all had big mouths, may have led to that...we had a small house for most of the time that they were in high school.

My own parents acted as though I was destroying them when they learned that I was not a virgin (as I was turning 21, having lived on my own since 19.) In ABSOLUTE response to that, I raised all four of mine with three understandings. one: Wanting and having sex is absolutely normal, it's the way our species assures its continuation. two: having sex casually ignores the fact that we are not ONLY sexual beings, we are also emotional beings, and it's unwise to forget that. three: if you are going to have sex at any age, after considering one and two USE PROTECTION. I'll take you to Planned Parenthood and pay, Daughter, and Sons, wear a condom, whether or not she says she's on the pill.

I'd like to think that those three understandings led all of them to wait till college to become sexually active, but really? It was much more their own innate common sense. Lucky me.

Wow, I’m a liberal in every sense of the word, but I felt like an out of touch prude reading today’s responses. I went through 5 pages of letters until I found one from kitchengirl (Margot62 as well) that actually made sense:

“FAT FUCKING NERVE to actually bring someone to sleep *overnight* in your bed when you're still in high school”.

Yeah. Seriously. Are we so desperate to be pals with our kids we’ve lost all sense of propriety, privacy and embarrassment? No surprise we’ve raised a generation of narcissists with major self-entitlement issues.

Sex is great. It’s fun. It’s natural. They’re going to do it anyway. It’s our job as adults to make sure they know and are prepared for the EMOTIONAL, physical and legal consequences.

IMHO, you’re old enough to have sex when you’re old enough to have your own place.

If you’re of age, and finances dictate you don’t have your own place, do what millions of young people have done throughout history; borrow a buddy’s apartment, save up for a cheap hotel or do it in the car (you’ll actually look back fondly on that memory when your older!).

An under-age adolescent having overnight sex in the family home with the parent’s consent? All together now: Eeeewwww!

BTW… LW, If I was the mother of that girl and if she was underage, I might be all over your kid for statutory rape. But my lawyer or the cops would most definitely be all over YOU for turning a blind eye and allowing it to happen. Try being a father instead of friend. Your kid will thank you for it one day.

that with this generation, it could easily be the case that these are just friends, one or both in stress, needing a refuge, some comfort? No sex. And a sixteen year old female child may well be free from, beyond supervision. Forego the mid-20th century sexual fixation. Skip the bourgeois assumptions, that you are going to call her parents who are surely anxious. Pay attention to our actual young people. They are not retracing our lives. They are more interesting than you allow, have their own meaning constellations that would shock and surprise you, not by their radical ideas but by the things trivial or imperceptible to you, which preoccupy them. Stop the sexual panic now.

I would have the kid arrested. That's some major disrespect. And if I found out they were at the father's house and he knew... contributing to the delinquency of a minor is a felony in this state, and judges DO NOT like people who do that around here.

By the way, check to make sure he's not sexting, either, unless you really want a vengeful girl to put his tail under the jail.

For all those "Leave them alone" people, understand that getting them to wait until college prevents teen pregnancy. AND a LOT of people DID NOT have sex in their parents' house. That's absolutely disrespectful and nasty to many people. Don't disrespect the parents for booty. WHat if other kids in the house see you? Besides the blackmail issue, there's the "introducing sex to the younger ones way before their time" issue.

Teens can and do control their urges. We are not talking about dogs here. So yeah, get the kid on birth control and tell him to wait. Be a parent, and enforce the rules of your house.

It's interesting to me that at Salon, many people try to undermine parental authority while still blaming parents for kids' behavior. You can not have it both ways. If I get penalized (and if they are under 18, I, the parent, get penalized) then I have the right to say no and control the situation. If I can't say no, then I should not be penalized. Right now the law holds me legally liable for anything my child does under 18. So I get to say no. If it ruins their fantasy sex lifes, too bad.

I also agree with the posters about the girl's parents. Be happy that they hadn't called the police.

I am reminded of the "they'll do it anyway"(being drugs, drink, etc) crowd. That doesn't end well. Limit it to your kids.