Thanks for the clarification. A twofer. What a waste.

A 17 year old and a 16 year old have sex for fun. And that is discussed in earnest on a liberal page like Salon.

In good old Europe that topic wouldn’t have made it even on a pupil magazine. Why? Because all the concerns raised are told young people in schools (at least in Germany). Called sex education.

I am sure that you breathed a sigh of relief and said:

Thank god it is a girl!

At least my son will now have a much better chance at a life with out AIDS or some other 'socially protected' disease.

I then have to explain that abortion is not an option either, so it is either adoption, marriage or 18 years of child support, that should take the lead out of the pencil.

You are assuming they had sex.

The Dad should take a moment to celebrate his son's discovering the kind of connection you can have with another human being that infuses daily life with joy. It also opens the door to heartbreak. There's nothing he can do to protect his son from that. But he can stress the life-changing consequences of sex.

Since the Dad seems open-minded, he must know it's unlikely they will cease having sex simply because he forbids it under his roof. It's far better to allow them to continue to use his home than to find some other place where they might risk a public indecency charge. Knowing the parent is aware they have become sexually active will likely make them more vigilant about birth control. It only takes once....

End of story. If you're uncomfortable with it, tell him this will not happen again and that is that.

On another note, that is FAT FUCKING NERVE to actually bring someone to sleep *overnight* in your bed when you're still in high school. It would never have occurred to me in a million years to pull a stunt like that.

In addition to discussing STDs and the potential for pregnancy wtih your son, the LW really ought to make sure the girl's parents know where she is? They no doubt think she's sleeping over a friend's house. If these folks are not as easygoing about sex as Cary and the LW, imaging how pissed they might be when they find out their daughter is sleeping over her boyfriend's house with the LW's consent.

Maybe I'm old fashioned here, but I think the LW's son should do what all horny teenagers do and screw his girlfriend when dad's not home.

I would only like to add one thing:

While I am not a parent, I have done a lot of teaching with youth and teens—plus the obvious: I was also a teen and a college student not too long ago myself!

Most young people I meet (male and female) seem to be reasonably informed about birth control and STDs. For most of them, this is not a big deal. They do seem to know how to "play responsibly."

The one piece of advice that I don't think young people hear enough today, though, is that sex really is more than just "play." There IS an emotional component to it that is unavoidable. Maybe it is the case that this emotional connection is stronger for girls than for boys, but I would guess that with boys it is a bigger deal than they are willing to admit.

If I was a parent, I would want kids and young adults to know that sex is a natural part of life, that you have to be responsible, that there can be consequenses, AND ALSO that there really is (and should be) and emotional connection between people having sex.

This comes from the fact that I just don't see any evidence that "too many" partners in a lifetime is good for anyone's emotional well-being. It's up to the individual to decide this for themselves, but I do see some clear indications that "too many" partners can make both men and women very bitter, or very jaded about life and love.

People who treat sex as nothing more than a game, a conquest, or "nothing more than a handshake" as we used to hear in the 70s, just don't seem to do well in adult relationships. Some of those people have difficulty relating to their partners as human beings.

Kids should enjoy their youth. But they should also know how to keep their hearts from getting broken too many times as well.

The kids are going to have sex. You can't stop it, and neither can her parents. Get your boy condoms and get the girl on the pill. Have your son take her to planned parenthood, take her to her physician, whatever, but make it happen. Otherwise, it's good your son has 2 jobs because he'll need them for the child support payments.

Teenage hormones trump your rules. Lay down all the law you want, they'll still be fucking in your house while you sleep, while you are at work, and otherwise fucking in your car. Teach your son to respect his girlfriend, and get them on birth control. That's the best you can do.

Sex and deception have already become intertwined for both of these teens. That's something for the father to ponder as he takes stock of the situation.

So either you have a sleep disorder or they're not having sex.

I have three teenage daughters.

Their job is to be home every night by curfew. Isn't that what parents are supposed to do? Lay down boundaries, teach appropriate behavior, and ensure their children's safety? I can say--with all certainty--that I know where my girls were last night at midnight, and it wasn't in this kid's bed.

Okay. Sex is fun. Our kids get that. How could they not? It's practically shoved down their throats everytime they go to the movies, turn on the television or open a magazine. But I haven't taught my children to subscribe to the new societal sexual moors. I'm trying to do my job here and it's not easy---teaching my children to respect and appreciate their bodies in this current sexual climate. We've had the talks about sex, but we've also had talks about responsibility, accountability, self respect and boundaries. I'm not shoving sex down their throats with a permissive attitude.

These parents who subscribe to the "I'd rather have them do it here at home" about sex, drinking, other drugs and bad behavior, are irresponsible enablers. I'm acutely aware that the example I set here at home is important. Does anything matter anymore?

Why wasn't that 16 year-old girl at home in her own bed? Where did her parents think she was when they got up for their own drink of water at 4:30 in the morning?

It's "the other parents" out there that a lot of us are up against. My daughter was describing a party she went to a few weeks ago where the parents were doing shots with their daughter's friends in the kitchen. Nice. Thank you for modeling such wonderful behavior to a new generation of kids.

LW: Let your son know there is nothing wrong with sex, but that there IS something wrong with a random girl spending the night at your house, because, well, she's somone else's daughter.

And Cary. I really wish you'd stop tackling the parenting issues. You wouldn't know how it feels to wake up and find your 16 year old daughter's bed is empty at 4:30 AM.