I should mention that I am not saying that women are genetically hardwired to see sex as an emotional bartering game. But because women have historically been raised to think of sex in this way, whereas men have historically been raised to think that sex is more casual, I think it is prudent to mention that they typical male's sex story, and the typical female's sex story may be two very different sides of the same coin.

As a parent, you have an obligation to be in tune with what your son is up to. That includes school, jobs, extracurricular activities, friends, etc.

As an adult, you have an obligation to the minor sleeping in his bed. At the very least that means an introduction and understanding as to whether or not her parents are down with the visits.

As the head of household, you have a right to know what's going on under your roof.

Aside from that, let's hope the sex is good. The world needs more good sex.

Gosh, it sounds like you son's got the only set of balls in that household. Your son is 17. You are the male head of the household. You set the rules. You haven't confronted him about this?? You don't know anything about the young girls he's bringing in? Great gods, dude, man up and get a grip on this situation! You shouldn't be asking 'Oh dear me, what should I do?' Ask your Man friends what they'd do. Ask your Female friends the same thing. Get a grip on this!!! And do it now!!!

It kind of sucks to know that some 17 year old kid is getting more booty than me -- a fit, good looking 36 year old with a great job and the rudimentary beginings of a brain between his ears. Son of a bitch... (of course, his chick is 16, so it's not a fair comparison, is it? still jealous though...)

Uhh, Cary is right. He sounds like a really good kid, but it might be time to start treating him like more of an adult. You know, talk to him man to man, and actually tell him that that's what you're doing. I think that if you let him know that he's changed in your eyes, graduated so to speak, that he'll live up to your expectations of him acting like an adult. That might mean he'll need to chill out and not sneak a 16 year old into your house, but he'll be doing that out of respect for his dad.

His smart, cool dad who sounds like he's raising a really good son.

when I was 17-18 and I'm mightily glad they did. The first time out by the reservoir was COLD!

They gave me "the talk" a solid 4 years before I actually started having sex.

Whose boundaries are being crossed here, and what is the nature of those boundaries? The kid should've told Dad, hey I'm dating Girl X, and can I invite her over? Can she spend the night? Not asking permission was presumptuous. But having sex isn't anything where the father has any business any more, aside from the whole condom/parenthood/STD thing. Clearly the kid didn't feel like he could tell Dad he was dating, much less fucking, and voila! Awkwardness!

Awkwardness happens, people. It's inevitable. You can have the LITTLE awkward when you set boundaries with your kids ("I want to meet anyone you're dating before they spend the night in my house") or the BIG awkward later on ("What is the name of that girl in your bed?"). Your choice.

Or you can choose to not think about it at all. In which case you might be able to avoid the awkward for your whole life, but good luck having an actual relationship with your offspring. Maybe talking with Jesus is more fun. I don't know.

Thank you. The lady below who said, "I don't see what's wrong with saying I'm uncomfortable with sex in my house until you're of age," that's a reasonable difference of opinion in parenting styles. But the fact that the "No Sex" people have kept ignoring questions all through this thread says to me that they're not thinking, they're just covering their ears and saying, "Aaa! Sex! Ewww! Don't want to know!" Questions asked, but still unanswered, include:

1) Why are people assuming that rejecting the "no teens may ever fall in love and have sex" rule is tantamount to permitting everything and anything, invariably involving drugs?

2) Even if sex before you're 18 is a certain path to a miserable, seedy, crime-ridden netherworld of pregnancy, coat-hanger abortions, STDs, and Marihuana, does it change the second you hit 18? And more seriously, are you really teaching your kids anything joyful or beautiful about sex? Yes, we've heard the vague statement about how "sex means respect which means obeying the rules," but that doesn't sound like any healthy view of sex to me (sex is nothing but obeying our Mom's rules above all else? Yikes!); and it doesn't sound very specific as far as giving a positive view of sex.

3) If you're saying, "the Nerve of him! Bringing a girl home! Set some rules!", a simple question: do you really want your kid never to have any Nerve? God--if so, you're not doing your kid any favors, you're bringing up a slave. Teens should break rules, especially if it's something as non-violent and beautiful as falling in love for the first time. All the people screaming about showing "balls!" are the angriest that the kid himself showed a bit of them.

Don't know if anyone is still following this thread but you missed the point completely. Suggesting a teenage boy should be allowed to bring a girl home if he wants because "sex is a gift" is like encouraging him to raid the medicine cabinet of proscription drugs because "medicine is good for us."

He's a teenager. So is she. The bodies are working, but are the minds? Is the responsibility for consequences in place? Are they ready? And what do her parents think about all this. Even if they are okay with it, that doesn't take care of the problems facing the kids.

Animals behave on instinct and when they body says "have sex," the time has come. But human beings aren't governed by instinct and our body wanting something does not necessarily indicate our readines for it (the huge problem with weight in this country is a particularly good example of how human beings don't know how to control their natural appetites). Isn't it possible for a gift to be precious, not wanton? Birthday presents are great in part because they are reserved for a special occasion. Perhaps sex should be, too.

Look, I'm a gay man. I have sex often enough and I enjoy it, and no I don't only have sex when I'm "sincerely, deeply in love." Sometimes, I just want the release and the person I'm with just wants the release, too. But there can be many consequences. The person loves you more than you do them, or you fall for the person and they just wanted a romp. Or the person might have an STD or an troubled personality, or any number of things. Or there may be complex, troublesome unresolved emotional issues relating to the particular experience.

You can bet if I had a son, I would not have him bringing a girl or boy over before he was a legal adult, any more than I'd let him set up his own liquor cabinet or anything else that requires adult skills and maturity (which, even in adults, are frequently in need of development). The road from childhood to adulthood is a confusing one. When is a kid an adult? I don't think it necessarily relates to age. It may develop sooner or maybe later. But I think to instill ethics and high standards is a good thing.

Note the complete suprise at finding them there: this wasn't discussed or permission to use the house asked for, and the father didn't even know his son was sexually active; the kids were immature in the way they handled it. Telling two teenagers not to have sex in no way means that the father is treating sex as a problem or something dirty. It might be a sure sign of respect for both the kids and the act.