People who are totally opposed to teenagers having sex have some valid reasons for feeling that way. However, they certainly weaken their case when they immediately point to the worst case scenario as reason why. Roughly 70% of teens have had sex by the time they are 19. The fact is, most of them are not getting pregnant or getting in trouble with the law or catching STDs. Are these things legitimate concerns? Yes. However, to say that a seventeen year old having sex better get ready to have a kid or belongs in jail demonstrates only a tendency towards overstatement. If a teen and his partner are using contraception (and the dramatic decrease in teen pregnancy over the last 20 years suggests many teens are), then a child is unlikely.

A broken heart is a far, far more likely result of teen sex than a baby or herpes. Then again, I (in contrast to my friends mentioned in an earlier post) waited until I was 21 and had sex with someone I really cared about and still got my heart broken. I have serious doubts that my feelings and the way I dealt with them would have been any different than if I were 17.

Barring religious concerns (which I understand many people have and that certainly informs their position), if we could be assured that teens would use protection, why are people so opposed to teenagers having sex? At what age does it become okay? Why does providing a teen with birth control and sound counsel necessarily constitute bad or lazy parenting? I know I am going beyond the letter here in that there were other factors at play in that situation, but why is consenting, protected teenage sex so bad?

I ask not to be antagonistic, but because I really am curious about people's thoughts. I am not entirely sure what my own are on the matter.

Presumably he's a divorced Dad and his son the product of a failed marriage. Did he bring women home on a casual basis whom his son encountered in a state of semi-dress? Is his son replicating his own behavior?

I hang out with a divorced Dad who was upfront, "I don't want my kids, [all girls], confronting sleep-over companions." I have so much respect for that. Kids don't want to know about their parents' sexuality anymore than parents want to walk in on their kids. The parent has to be careful as to what type of message s/he sends.

Then when I was hit by a car, no broken bones but plenty of pain, he came and stayed with me during my recuperation. I was extremely grateful for his presence and care. His kids know about it and I hope it taught them relationships aren't all about wild sex, they involve caring for the other person.

If LW has taught his son this, I think he can set his mind at ease. The boy will be 18 in a year and presumably out of his house (at least part-time).

I appreciate a parent who wants to be perceived as liberal, but the fact is you are a parent first, and a friend/confidant second. Having a conversation about legalities and sexuality is extremely important. Many 18 year old boys will have sex with 16 or 17 year olds, not knowing they are potentially breaking the law. There is no need for this parent to be apologetic or sheepish about saying no to his teenage son's having sex in his home. I would tell the boy that the rule can be revisited when he is 18, and then only if his girlfriend is 18.

years ago when I read Michener's novel Hawaii when I got to the part where the grandfather takes his 14 year old grandson off to the local Madam and she finds a beautiful young girl for him I thought what a great idea.

Ah, Cary... thank you for the reminder of all the glorious teenage sex I had! besides the pleasure, i remember so acutely the contrast I felt between what we were doing and, yes, the arid, pleasureless lives of my parents.

without the aid of the life force in its purest form, how would anyone get through the angst of adolescence? what was supposed to make me look forward to adulthood? my parents and our joyless home? the SAT??

and now that i see my friends settling into the numbing routine of adulthood, it's clear that their children are the life force that brings spontaneity, pleasure and the will to endure the many predictable days ahead.

nature isn't stupid. it's had thousands of years to figure this system out.

God, there appear to be a ton of guys posting on this subject, mainly about the joys of teenage sexual trysts. Here's a woman's perspective on the subject: I had tons of sex in high school, and it wasn't a walk down cupcake lane. I had sex in every concieveable place available to me in my hometown-- public bathrooms, parent's home while they were away, backs of cars, public parks. All of this with "committed boyfriends" of over two years in both cases. Most of the time I got caught up in the emotional thrill of trying to fulfill someone else's sexual fantasies. Were the boys bad lovers, or mean to me? No, not really, but as a young girl I was unwilling to disrupt the fragile flower that was a teenage relationship to tell someone to move their tongue a little lower. It wasn't until I met the man I married that I actually had satisfying sex. Instead I had a series of confusing, tangled emotional ties to boys that were no good for me (nor was I any good for them). And those emotional ties eventually colored all my important teenager decisions-- where to apply and attend college, what major to select, where to live my freshman year, who to befriend, what to do with my money. In essence, I got in deep. When those relationships went belly-up, I was horrified.

How funny now, years later, to see that most guys see teenage sex as an enjoyable, fun, rollicking dalliance! I didn't see it that way-- I saw it as an expression, although somewhat grating, of my desire to keep my boyfriend committed to me (at the time I called this "love," but I am sure now that this was not the case). There isn't a pre-marital sexual encounter that I don't regret now, regardless of the fact that none of them were abusive, and none of them ended with STDs/AIDS or the like. But when I finally met the man I wanted to marry I was so riddled with emotional baggage from too many years of immature couplings and relationships that I was almost incapable of expressing love in an innocent manner.

Parents, please please consider being conservative on this point. Yeah yeah, STDS and protection and all that jazz-- give them the information they need to make good choices. But create a haven for your kids where it is ok to wait until real love to have sex. Create a haven for your child to return should she find that she's gone too far than even she anticipated. Sure, they're gonna do it. But they will also feel the effects of it as well.