Good god what have things come to, some of the scary police state type responses on here make me feel sorry for kids growing up today. Teens have always had sex with each other, but now as well as all the other risks you risk being branded a sex offender for life! geesh! when did we let the sex-o-phobes take over? do we need a new sexual revolution?

And can anyone come up with a real life situation where strict enforcement of consent laws was a good thing for anyone involved? it seems like anytime there is a news story involving the phrase, it is usually an egregious miscarriage of justice where some kid gets sent to prison for having sex with his same age girlfriend when her angry dad finds out.

Why, isn't it obvious?

Give your son a high-five! He's getting some!

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As to the "doing it in the house is disrespectful" crowd: Yup, you're right.

How dare these teens choose the relative safety of their abode to make love?

They should make better sex location choices...

Like a filthy backalley next to a dumpster & meth addict.

Or a seedy motel where - unknownst to them - they are likely being filmed by a perv.

Or the cramped backseat of their mom's 1995 Buick Century.

ALLLLLLL so much better choices than their own fuckin' bed, right?

[No pun intended.=]

,but why? How did this nation get so caught up in the notion that free will doesn't belong to people who are young. Just the notion that one of the participants in a 16 year old and a 17 year old love making session is a criminal is screwed up. The whole concept of statutory rape is screwy. Permission is all that should matter.

As for advise, well, not in my house is appropiate, if that's the way that you feel.

You don't feel comfortable finding a 16 year old girl in your 17 year old son's bed? I should hope not! And yet you did nothing? Do you somehow think this is appropriate behavior? Grow a spine and be the parent. Children and teenagers need parents; they HAVE friends. No wonder the country is going to hell in a hand basket. Create a climate in which your son can talk to you about sex and anything else without fear, but set limits. Despite the best efforts of "liberal" parents, immature minds (and 17 is still immature) need guidance and support. Stop abdicating your responsibility to teach your child how to become a responsible member of society. Beyond all that, who is she? Do her parents know where she is? Is she a runaway? Is she diseased...for goodness sake!

I thought Cary's response was thoughtful, current and articulate.

I find it fascintating that people talk about "parental authority" as if it is a block of gold, an innate force or an inaianable right. Parental authority for a 17 year old is driven by the mutual trust that a parent and an adolescent on the cusp of adulthood achieve, frankly.

This kid sounds like a winner - two jobs, great grades, sounds like someone who has an agenda and focuses on it. he brought a girl home for the night, and I tend to not leap to the automatic assumption that they immediately came home and humped like monkeys. They may have, but it is no longer axiomatic that taking a girl to your bedroom leads to wild monkey sex.

Yeah, a conversation is in order, and Tennis' concern about the laws in whatever state or province this is occurring in need to be considered. I remember when my stepson turned 15, we had a brief, somewhat embarassign discussion about STD's and condoms. I purchased a box of condoms for him, under the notion that I really did not want adolescent embarassment stand in the way of appropriate protection, and life went on. Eventually, I saw the empty box in the trash, and assumed that he continued to purchase his own. I've never asked if he slept with a young woman in our apartment, which I note was not "my" apartment, but "our" apartment...... Had I discovered that he had, we might have had a second discussion about - STD's and protection. I might have also invited the young woman to join us for breakfast. Frankly, unless the kid is breaking some bizarre law, I would much rather have my son at home with his girlfriend than in the backseat of a car or a cheap motel, or a public park, or ....... all of which are far more risky and, frankly, tacky.

By the time a child reaches the age where they drive, hold down jobs and get great grades, frankly, the parenting role is mostly cooked,and if I were this kid's Dad, I would weigh in the substantive reality that this young man appears to be thoughtful and responsible. with that in mind, I would try to maintain a thoughtful, responsible focus on the discussion, noting - perhaps - my own embarassment, but also speaking to the legitimate legal and emotional concerns. I would hope it would be a dialogue.... and that, in the process, I might learn more about my son and what he is thinking and feeling. who knows where a thoughtful, reesponsible discussion betweeen an adult and a young adult might lead?

Because if that girl was my daughter, I'd currently be in the process of reading the LW something called "the riot act." My expectation for my kids is that they put their educations first and postpone sex until they are in college. (It's not "delusional" to set the bar there, I lived up to it, so can they.) My expectation is that they be at home in their beds (alone) every night even when they are 17. My expectation is that if they are seeing someone while living in my home, I get to meet that someone early on, and become acquainted with him or her and the parents. My expectation is that they do not "hook up" or treat sex casually.

I would want a chance to talk to the LW and find out how he could have possibly been unaware of a strange person being in his home, and how he could have seen my daughter sleeping in his son's bed and just shuffle back to bed with a shrug, while I was up waiting and worrying and calling everyone I could think of.