I have read NOT ONE post advocating prosecution for statutory rape. The posters who mentioned are pointing out VALIDLY that there are parents and grandparents who WILL prosecute for statutory rape, and the LW (and his son) do not know if the girl in question bears the genetic material of that type of person.

Saying "This has happened and could happen" is in no way the same as saying "This ought to happen."

Jeesum. Read, people, READ.

Thanks for your response in turn. I'm glad you had a great experience. I don't want to denigrate that.

I think two issues are getting confused here: teens having sex and parental response to teens having sex. The issue here isn't really whether the LW should "let" his kid have sex. I don't think that's a choice he can control, perhaps should not be able to control. But the issue of whether he sanctions it, or sanctions their chosing his house to do it in (without asking permission first) is the real issue. It's one of boundaries. And about the specific roles parents play.

It struck me that the LW didn't approve of teen sex, was worried about the consequeces for his son, and therefore made a house rule. And I think that's fair. It also sounds like it's based on the LW's personal experience. Maybe he was a teen when he concieved his son and he doesn't want to see his son saddled with similar burdens? Maybe there's a history in the family of unchecked sexual behavior and he's seen the consequences and doesn't want his son to suffer the same? For whatever reason, he made a choice based on his ethics, and as the head of the house he has that right. Now, whether the son decides he is ready, he is having a good experience, and will find a place to have that expereince is another issue.

And let me add that if the father said "I found out my kid had a girl over. I'm okay with it because I think sex is natural and good, but I believe he should respect my ground rules of letting me know he's inviting a girl over and is practicing safe sex" I would have been supportive of that, too. Parents make ethical choices. They decide what the do/don't consider acceptable behavior, and hopefully they try to instill these values in their kids (which the kids, of course, may ultimately reject).

My biggest problem was Cary's assumption that prohibiting sex must invariably mean sex is preceived as a problem or some terrible thing.

she wasn't dead...

Thanks for writing. That, again, brings up a couple of the unanswered questions (asked, over and over again, and always ignored, which as mentioned makes me assume that people are running away from parenting questions, not addressing them):

4) Why are people assuming that when two teens have sex, as I did my first time, that it simply can't possibly be a beautiful thing? And that it's absolutely, always, to be prohibited until--well nobody on the For God's Sake, Everyone Should Always Wait! side is really talking of sex as joyous in any way, until your post, but--until they're "prepared" for it, as if sex were like compulsory military service, or like brokering a Mideast peace deal?

5) Why, as another asked below, is the Chilling Danger! of utter destruction invoked, when the fact is that the most that most of us suffered when we had sex as teenagers was a broken heart? If a broken heart or some emotional suffering happens, who died, made someone God, and decided that no-one under 18 should ever, ever risk having some emotional suffering?

6) Did those prohibiting sex before 18 prohibit it for themselves?

No-one is answering any of these good questions. Why not?

Don't know if anyone is still following this thread but you missed the point completely. Suggesting a teenage boy should be allowed to bring a girl home if he wants because "sex is a gift" is like encouraging him to raid the medicine cabinet of proscription drugs because "medicine is good for us."

He's a teenager. So is she. The bodies are working, but are the minds? Is the responsibility for consequences in place? Are they ready? And what do her parents think about all this. Even if they are okay with it, that doesn't take care of the problems facing the kids.

Animals behave on instinct and when they body says "have sex," the time has come. But human beings aren't governed by instinct and our body wanting something does not necessarily indicate our readines for it (the huge problem with weight in this country is a particularly good example of how human beings don't know how to control their natural appetites). Isn't it possible for a gift to be precious, not wanton? Birthday presents are great in part because they are reserved for a special occasion. Perhaps sex should be, too.

Look, I'm a gay man. I have sex often enough and I enjoy it, and no I don't only have sex when I'm "sincerely, deeply in love." Sometimes, I just want the release and the person I'm with just wants the release, too. But there can be many consequences. The person loves you more than you do them, or you fall for the person and they just wanted a romp. Or the person might have an STD or an troubled personality, or any number of things. Or there may be complex, troublesome unresolved emotional issues relating to the particular experience.

You can bet if I had a son, I would not have him bringing a girl or boy over before he was a legal adult, any more than I'd let him set up his own liquor cabinet or anything else that requires adult skills and maturity (which, even in adults, are frequently in need of development). The road from childhood to adulthood is a confusing one. When is a kid an adult? I don't think it necessarily relates to age. It may develop sooner or maybe later. But I think to instill ethics and high standards is a good thing.

Note the complete suprise at finding them there: this wasn't discussed or permission to use the house asked for, and the father didn't even know his son was sexually active; the kids were immature in the way they handled it. Telling two teenagers not to have sex in no way means that the father is treating sex as a problem or something dirty. It might be a sure sign of respect for both the kids and the act.