Thanks, Marc. The logic in mom's reaction is clear in light of your realistic theory.

Hi LW --

The most important thing you can do for yourself is stay in school. Go to college.

I'm disappointed that your mom would ever consider taking your education off the table. It's really unfair and uncool (and some other things too, like controlling) for your mother to threaten your entire future and wellbeing because she doesn't like your boyfriend.

Can I suggest the third option: Go to college AND move out of the house. Live in a dorm.

My mom was an insane control freak too when I was that age. My solution was to go to school (far away) and get such an awesome job that I was financially independent by the time I graduated. It was a huge relief for my mom to not have that leverage over me. And it helped my younger sister too -- once I had some perspective, I could help my sister out by saying "it gets better. It really does. Just hold on for a couple more years."

As for your boyfriend... let that fall as it may. Put your future first, and your future means an education. If your boyfriend is worthwhile, he'll want you to be the best person you can be; he'll want you to stay in school and educate yourself.

If your boyfriend suggests that you not go to college? Dump him. Get that man out of your life because he doesn't have your best interests at heart.

Also be aware: it's very common for people, especially if you have difficult parents, to be attracted to romantic partners who are difficult in the same ways as our parents. You get used to it from your parents. So if you have a controlling, belittling parent (like I did, like you do), you really have to watch out and do a lot of work to make sure that your boyfriend isn't controlling and belittling too.

Your mom still loves you, and she's trying to do the right thing. But she's not. It's okay -- she's human too, and she makes mistakes. Just don't let her mistake become your mistake. You need to stay in school no matter what.

Good luck.

All I took away from this was how completely degraded the concept of a "university" has become, if this half-wit is enrolled in one.

Are you crazy?

He doesn't have a job. He's probably not headed for college. If you move in the chances of becoming pregnant are very high.

How will you continue at college?

As I said before, Are you crazy?

You're probably not mature enough to be on your own.

congrats, lw, on getting your phony letter published

Hey domini - well I'm not a TV Citizen myself, but I do enough domestic stuff that sometimes I let myself indulge in fun cultural garbage. Thanks for your kind words, I didna like letting you down.

Thank you. I really do understand why you got mad at the mother. Parenting is such a fraught business. This letter really does hit home for a lot of people. I know it's made me think hard today. SO thank you for this great discussion. I think we really have found common ground.

Oh, if those shows don't attract you, try out MTVs 'My SuperSweet16' (spoiled rich kids being 'bridezillas' for their $300,000.00 + parties, usually from an absent wealthy dad). Sorry for my lowbrow tastes, but the room where I sort clean laundry doesn't get many channels.

That's ok. In basketball season, the only channel on in my house is ESPN. I wish I had more time for TV. Sometimes I feel culturally illiterate. On the other hand, I've never seen "Jon and Kate whatever", which seems a blessing about now. "Pimp my RIde" and "Clean House" are my small indulgences.

LW-- in memory of Farrah Fawcett, who you will likely have no memories of, try to obtain a DVD of her film "The Burning Bed" if you can and watch it before you leave home for this boy, try to understand where your mom is coming from.

A note to the LW from last week, who wanted to see Michael Jackson in concert but couldn't afford the trip to Europe-- I am thinking of you today. I know that you and your sisters must be so devastated that he has died.

A few years ago the 19-year-old daughter of a close friend of mine (1) spent part of her summer in jail, like Paris Hilton; (2) got pregnant as soon as she was released, like Nicole Ritchie (Is that her name? I can't keep up.); (3) had the baby, and remained at home with her parents; (4) asked the father of the baby, who keeps getting laid off and runs with a dangerous gang, to move in with them, too; (5) is now being slapped around, abused, repeatedly accused of cheating, and talked to "ghetto style" by the father.

The father breaks things when he's mad at her. And he is mad a lot. Needless to say, the girl is utterly miserable. She has never held a job for more than a few months, and has never made more than tips or minimum wage.

Chances are good that she followed this path to "prove" to everyone that she was "really grown up now," and to show up all the other unmarried teenaged mothers she knows. If they could do it, she could do it better. Chances are good, too, that she looks down on the childless, or at least tries to.

The parents in this picture have very good jobs, which they take very seriously. They have been married about 30 years, only to each other. They were married nearly ten years before they started having children. They have only one other child, older than this girl. They live in a nice suburb of a major city, West of the Mississippi. And they are tolerating this out of sheer terror that their daughter and grandchild will end up dead.

(BTW, ALL the people I've described, including the baby and the baby's father, have blue eyes and blond hair.)

Do you think she is unique? (Do you think this is mostly confined to one race or class?)

What do you think is going on? Look around you.