Sorry, this is not a kid growing up - this sounds like someone who is really out of control, off the rails."

Now I am not going to suggest a solution because, frankly, I have seen the very best parents end up with a child who, for no fathomable reason, gets drawn to self destruction - behavior that in girls starts at 13-15, with boys at 14-18. I used to blame the parents, and often that was fair, but a lot of the time it really was not

I cannot say how to help the writer, other than to say that there are few things he/she could have changed.

That was the best advice I have ever seen here. Are you sure you're not an eighty-year old man from Modesto who happens to be my uncle? Or maybe a sixty-five year old from Nome who happens to be my other uncle? I ask because they both helped my parents deal with me along similar lines to what you suggest several decades ago. Again, that was a great piece.

I was feeling sympathetic until I got to the part about locking the girl out of the house until you got home. If I were the neighbor and your kid was hanging out at my house every day because you'd locked her out of the house, I'd look at you like you were a maniacal felon too.

Everything you describe her doing is par-for-the-course teenage girl behavior (trust me, it does get better in a few years). The insane one here is you.

Sorry, Cary, but that was ridiculous. Yes it's true that you have to keep your head and your perspective when children break the rules. And yes they have to be allowed to make mistakes. But looking the other way while your daughter entertains her boyfriend in her room? And invites thieves into your home? I'm afraid Cary would be one of those parents who wants to be his daughter's friend.

Some rules absolutely must be enforced. The parents' challenge is to remain calm while enforcing the rules. Don't take the child's behavior as a reflection on you. Don't let her see you get angry.

Next letter.

/everyone forgets how they were when they were a teenager and thinks that there teenager is out of control. they are teenagers. stupid people do not get that.

Next letter.

/everyone forgets how they were when they were a teenager and thinks that their teenager is out of control. they are teenagers. stupid people do not get that.

Teenagers do much better when treated with respect rather than mindless authoritarianism. These parents have guaranteed that their daughter will do what they are trying to prevent just out of rebellion.

disclaimer: i don't know jack about children. but i know that like removing the door hinges, some problems have physical solutions. you CAN'T control people. you CAN control your behavior and your shared environment with someone else. try to make "the wrong thing hard" and "the right thing easy."

if jewelry theft is a problem:

- put your jewelry in a safe

- install a lock on your bedroom door

- store stealable valuables elsewhere until she's moved out

------> wrong thing (stealing) becomes hard.

she won't call to say where she is:

- google "GPS car tracking" and install a GPS tracker in her car

- check your mobile phone bill for her most frequently called numbers, and keep them on hand to try in case of emergency

------> right thing (knowing where she is) becomes easier with these actions

she won't come home for dinner:

- leave a nice dinner for her in the fridge

- cook things she really likes

------> over time, she might want it warm. at least doing this will potentially soften your relationship.

etc...

every time you yell at your daughter, make a snide comment, express disapproval, or yell at each other in her presence, you're chipping away at your relationship. every time! i have a teenage brother and watch my mom poison her relationship with him every time she blows her top and yells, complains, calls him a name, etc.

every time you can take a deep breath, and think of a practical solution to a specific problem, rather than the usual fare of parent-complains-at-nasty-child-to-try-to-change-them, you may be "putting money in the bank" of an improved relationship over time.

Try writing to that John Rosemond fellow instead.

THis child is cruising for a teen pregnancy. She's not acting like a teen who would use birth control. She's acting like a little hormonal idiot who has no idea about how much things cost in the real world. She sounds like she's never really had realistic consequences before.

The boyfriend's parents might not want to raise a grandchild, so enlist their help. Snag the number off the caller id, or go to the house and talk to them. If she gets pregnant, his dumb butt (or theirs, in some states for an underage child) is on the hook for child support. Don't keep them apart, but they need supervision and less open time. Jobs sound good. Volunteer work as well. These kids have way too much time on their hands to get into trouble.

Do you have a Boy's & Girl's Club? Can the neighbor get her there? Get the neighbor on your side, too. It's time to talk to them, and tell them that you suspect your daughter is lying to them. Catch this fly with honey.

I've literally seen how troubled kids can manipulate situations. I've also seen parents screw up. This parent has given up, and is probably too negative. The parents do not need to ease up, but they need more support. If the teen can't get validation for craziness from the neighbor anymore, it will help stop the craziness.

The guys who took the doors off the hinges have a point. If the teens treat you with a lack of respect, take stuff away, don't do for them. The next time she shrieks, break something she values. Preferably the cell phone. Tell her to get a job and buy herself one. She needs a wake up call about how much things cost. She also needs to understand how much her parents do for her. I'm not absolving her parents. I bet they are not good at setting and enforcing boundaries, using praise and positive reinforcement, etc. They are 50% of this problem.

Look, teens are hard but not this hard. This is ridiculous.