FOR SOME REASON she's loyal to her husband. FOR SOME REASON?????

Dude, you self-absorbed clown, that would be because she's married to him.Do yourself a favor and stay away from women in general until you learn some simple lessons. Lesson one: no one is required to alert you to the marital status of anybody, and you MIGHT want to assume unavailability of any and every woman you meet in a non-bar setting until they, themselves, tell you otherwise.

Lesson two: if someone tells you she's married, the proper response is to be happy for a person who appears to be happy in a relationship.

And lesson three: get it out of your head NOW that you should be looking for your "chance" with a married woman. She already made her choice, and it wasn't you.

Okay, so I'm in no place to give anybody advice about the ladies, but I know a few things from a lifetime of disastrous experiences.

1. She's MARRIED! End of story. Back away from the hottie. beep beep beep

2. You will never win the "Me vs. Her Hubby" contest. NEVER.

3. If nothing else, put yourself in the husband's shoes. How would you feel about him hitting on YOUR wife? Why would you do that to another dude? Bro Code, man. It's real. Learn it.

4. Married. Did I mention that she's MARRIED? You don't need that kind of noise.

Do yourself a favor. Find another job before you make an ass of yourself and get fired for creating an uncomfortable work environment.

Do I have to tell you everything?

"She tends to be, for some reason, very loyal to her husband..."

and...this is a character flaw? If YOU were her husband wouldn't you expect her to be loyal to you!?

The bottom line is that she is happily married and you have a crush on her, and for your own greedy purposes you want to have an affair with her and ruin her marriage and her current happiness.

Move on already. There are other fish in the sea, yadda yadda. Plus, not to be to critical, but you sound uncaring, selfish and a bit controlling and creepy. She's not pursuing you. She's told you she loves her husband. She's shown that she's loyal to him.

Sure, she'll be work friends with you and talk to you and have drinks with you - but you, so that you don't have to abandon hope, are reading WAY too much into that. Dude, she's not interested and if you make a move on her you'll freak her out (if you haven't already) and then she won't even be your work friend.

True, LW seems to be culturally incompatible with or ignorant of American mores, etc., but that being said:

Anything like this situation in a professional, adult workplace (i.e., you're not 20-somethings in a retail enviornment) is a huge mistake, especially if you're as slow to pick up on social signals and workplace etiquette as you come across in your letter (Asperger's?). You have no idea of the motives of your irresistable co-worker, hard enough to figure out in the normal dating world, much less in the often volatile workplace environment, much much less with someone who is married, yet makes herself socially available. People notice & talk, supervisors become aware, & the whole thing will reflect quite poorly on you, especially if your pretty paramour is a potential competitor come lay-off time. Try to force yourself to concentrate only on your work when on the job; if you are unable to, that may be noticed & reported as well. Talk to your co-worker only about work-related or professional matters when necessary, & fantasize about her all you want during those special times at home alone. Leave it at that!

I think what he meant is that he got moody and cranky and frustrated... haven't any of YOU felt that way after you found out a mad crush was unavailable/interested in someone else? He's not mad at her, he's mad at fate.

on the passing of your mother. May she rest in peace, and may your mind be peaceful.

Back then I'd just over 100 lbs after a lifetime of obesity. I was just "testing my social wings" around men, mostly those at work, and I work around a lot of men.

There was 1 in particular whose signals I misinterpreted: flirtation vs friendliness. And so (d)evolved a HUGE crush, an obsession that followed me for nearly 10 yrs--even thinking about him at the altar!

I realize now that I was simply socially awkward, unaccustomed to the attention, and since then I've learned to recognize one from the other. But during that period of time, I was absolutely besotted, not by Him, but by my own dream of Him-- in a way that I hope I never suffer through again. (BTW, the marriage crashed after 15 mos--NOT b/c of the The Crush, but for other, very valid reasons.)

Still, I was lucky that The Crush moved instead to be my friend, and once I realized that, it was easier to deal w/--not that that kept me from hyperventilating whenever I saw him. And to my credit, I NEVER: telephoned him at either at home or work; drove past his house; or emailed incessantly just to say "hi." Hopefully, neither has LW--that we know of.

Anyway, I completely relate to LW, and would suggest that he pursue therapy, as I did. Even though I was the poorest girl alive, I somehow squeezed out the $$, and it helped me throughout that wretched time. As should LW, who needs it more than he realizes.

What he needs, is a life: this is NOT The Last Woman on Earth. As I eventually learned that The Crush wasn't The Last Man on Earth either--as I've learned now, many, many love affairs and 1 marriage later.

In some parts of the USA, if a man kills somebody banging his wife, he'll do no time in prison at all - 'crime of passion' and all that. Of course if it was me it'd not be a problem, as they'd never find the body. LW, messing with another man's lifestyle, living, wife or family is a good way to get messed up or even killed, and nobody on earth would be sorry for you.