Nothing like a good "dingleberry" in the morning. Cheers. And you owe me a new laptop.

....then, if so, do whatever you want. She's got no respect for marriage, probably burned her uterus out with the ejaculations of 1000 men and years of birth control. She holds no principles close except that of her own self-importance. She'll bang you if she wants to .... simple as that.

Gary...condolences on the passing of your mother. May God hold her close and at peace in eternity....

She tends to be, for some reason, very loyal to her husband...

You can't understand why she is loyal to her husband? That is an overt indication of your disconnect with reality. You need to stay far far away from this woman, for her sake. You are a very disturbed person, and not a nice person to be around.

Ummm, don't you mean "years of reliance on abortion as a form of birth control?" In fact nothing wears out a gal's uterus the way popping kid after kid does.

Cary, I would recommend the dialogue-driven French film "Summer Days" now in limited release. It details the reactions and conflicts that ensue between three adult siblings after their mother dies.

1st, the LW does come across as a bit of a tool, but I think you have to give these letter writers the benefit of the doubt and not try to base their entire personalities on the edited writings to an online column. Plus, not everyone is as educated, mature, and able to write as the Salon posters. That doesn't mean their feelings aren't real.

I don't think love can be shut off becasue someone else took marriage vows. There is no reason to try to deny these feelings for yourself, but you should stifle them when you are with her and not make any overt moves. Be her friend, harbor your unrequited love for her, and who knows? Your crush may die off, or she may get divorced. I had strong feelings for my married coworker once, kept them to myself, and eventually she got divorced. We have been happily married for 9 years now. Had I tried to make a move on her when she was married, I doubt we would have ever gotten together, or stayed together.

What part of "married" don't you get? She's 'loyal' to her husband because she loves him. If you don't get that, then you have no business being in a relationship with anyone. Apparently, this is a hot babe and she's flipped your hormonal switch.

She is, however, a real human being, not one of those women you see in that porn collection you've probably got at home...Real people act like real people not porn stars.

You think you're gonna bust a move on her when she go out for drinks with you? You really think she'll put up with that crap or any other panting lecherous crap at the office? More likely, she'll bust you upside your empty noggin. Either that, or she'll ask her husband to come along to meet her workmates and HE'LL bust your head...

God, get a freakin clue you little ween.

This woman is being polite to you, why can't you simply accept that and move on with your life. You sound like you have real issues. She is married, she is loyal and yet you think she wants you. Why is this? Is it because you find yourself to be someone who others cannot resist? Perhaps you are, even so, leave this woman alone and stop trying to add a another conquest to your list. This is a pure ego trip for you.

Here is a clue, try thinking about other people for once in your life and leave this poor woman alone.

"She tends to be, for some reason, very loyal to her husband and even told me that she wants to have his babies."

Hmm, for SOME reason. I wonder what it could be? Sheez.

"She tends to be, for some reason, very loyal to her husband and even told me that she wants to have his babies."

What I find most disturbing about the LW isn't that he's got a crush that he persists in confusing with love. But that he's not listening to her. She says NO (I love my husband and want to have babies) and he - somehow - hears, "maybe". What part of NO don't you understand, dude? What does she have to do before you'll respect what are clearly her wishes?

She goes out for drinks with you because she thinks you're her friendly colleague. Not because she's secretly trying to send you a message. If she wanted you, she would make it clear. If people want to do something, they do it.

Find someone else to crush on, or you might lose her friendship.

...who suggested from internal evidence in the LW's letter that he may be British is probably correct.

There is always a problem with this kind of issue that readers are given minimal background information, and clearly there are all kinds of social nuances in different locations that may affect the outcome.

For example in the part of the world where I live, a married female employee meeting a single male after work for drinks would be a major scandal with risk of a violent outcome.

On the other hand, in London where workers mostly use public transportation and their is a pub on every corner, stopping for a drink after work on the way home with co-workers is probably barely worthy of comment.

However, Cary/Salon generally likes to present the issue as generically as possible, as this will encourage as many people as possible to comment and add their wisdom.

Since the LW claims that he and his desired one can talk about pretty much anything, they probably ought to talk about why they are meeting for drinks, or is that the elephant in the room?

"Since the LW claims that he and his desired one can talk about pretty much anything, they probably ought to talk about why they are meeting for drinks, or is that the elephant in the room?"

Well, no, here in Western society, it's not a scandal for equal colleages (male, female or whatever) to socialize after work. Not a scandal, pretty common, for co-workers to meet after work to unwind.

No, the woman most likely sees it this way and no, she's not some slut looking to get laid just. She's being polite in accepting this invitation.