There are lots of reasons why someone might not wear a ring even though they are happily married. Gained or lost weight, lost the ring, damaged ring, never bought one because they don't fancy jewelry, etc. I wouldn't make assumptions based on that.

Moreover, I wouldn't assume our LW (who I imagine speaking in that creepy movie Igor voice) is uh, great with reading social and body language cues, in the slightest.

You guys are being a bit hard on the poor LW. Hasn’t anyone here ever had a gut-wrenching, mind-blowing crush on someone? He’s asking for help for some very human feelings. And I took the “for some reason” as an attempt at humor–nothing creepy.

LW–I’ve been there and I’ll bet a lot of people here have too. You know you should avoid her, you know she doesn’t feel the same way. You can’t date because you compare everyone to her. And your work is probably suffering. I wouldn’t be surprised if your self-esteem is in the toilet too.

If you like books, read OF HUMAN BONDAGE by Somerset Maugham. It’s autobiographical and I think it will help. It helped me. These kinds of feelings are common.

When you have to see someone every day, it’s hard to break the obsession. There are basically two ways to do it: either mover closer or farther away. Closer: tell her how you feel (not at work) and ask her if you have a chance. I’m sure you know the answer already. One burst of pain and it’s over. Farther away: quit your job–that’s what I did.

Where you are right now is killing you. And watch that anger.

Cary–I’m so sorry about your mother. Mine passed away nineteen years ago and I still think of her almost every day, but in a good way. I’m sending my best thoughts and heartfelt wishes for peace and healing. Whatever else, she raised a beautiful son.

I hope you can find something of hers that helps you feel her near.

As for the LW, he needs to visualize being unemployed for sexual harrassment, and her husband's fist hitting his face for the disrespect inherent in pursuing a married woman. She's not real to him. Her husband isn't real, either ("for some reason" my ass). He is being disrespectful to her, too. She TOLD him she loves her husband and wants to have his babies. That's as clear as it gets. He's still asking how to get with her? It doesn't matter what she says, he's going to keep trying until he makes a full spectacle of himself.

I actually hope that someone hits him. He (and all the smug other women out there) need boundaries. It's not about them. But too often, people like this don't give a rat's ass about anything but their own wants (like the LW). It's all about him (or her). It takes a sharp kick to bring them back to reality.

I really feel for the husband here. I hope the woman brings him to meet this dude. I hope hubby is 6'5", superbly handsome, and lifts weights a lot. I also hope the woman protects her husband by cutting this dude off. Men kill men over women, and vice versa. That aggression goes both ways, dude.

I was once in a situation like this. I was fresh out of college, working a night job at a newspaper because that fit my lifestyle (broke, one car, and a toddler to take care of). I didn't know it at the time, but I really made an impression on one of my coworkers. We became friends, and we had a lot in common. Because I was working overtime and not seeing my husband of four years that much, I finally realized that he was a verbally, emotionally and physically abusive manipulator. It took being away from him at night and sleeping during the day to break the spell and let me accept that he was the abnormal one, not me. Fast forward few years later, and I am married to that coworker who had a crush on me at first sight. He was kind, he listened to me, he didn't try to take advantage of my fragile emotional state, and he stood by me as a friend during my divorce. I got to know him for who he was, and he turned out to be a wonderful person, someone I just wanted experience life with. Perhaps we are just lucky, but who knows, we can't be the only ones. Sometimes people defend their current relationships out of a feeling of obligation, to cover up the dysfunction, to convince themselves that everything is okay, especially if they've committed themselves to marriage. You never know. The best bet for our letter writer is to be a compassionate friend. Let things play out as they may. It's not like the movies, you can't win her over by declaring your undying love and being clingy and desperate. Give her space, respect her, support her, and if it's mutual, it may happen.

Tell her to wear the panties her mother laid out for her.

While making conversation, make a dinner bet with her. Mention how awesome Dustin Hoffman was as Han Solo in Star Wars, when she insists that it was Harrison Ford, bet her dinner at a fancy restaraunt that it was Hoffman. When you get back to the office, go to imdb, when it turns out you're wrong, and she's giggling, about to let you out of the bet, just say that you never welsh on a bet.

If all else fails, invite her over for Festivus.

I just finished watching the X Files episode about Donny Faster (the hair and nail fetishist) so this letter came off much more creepy than it probably would have otherwise.

That would only be a good thing if she was married to you, right?

OK, this is a joke, and not a good joke.

If it isn't, LW, you're an idiot, and if the woman's husband shoots you, the world will be no poorer.