She tends to be, for some reason, very loyal to her husband

For some reason?

I think the reason is probably that she made sacred vows to be loyal to him when she married him.

Those are called wedding vows.

If she respects her wedding vows, then you have zero chance, and shame on you for trying.

It's obvious Sam is suffering from a crush, and yes, these things do happen, but the way this particular crush is expressed is disturbing in the extreme. At best Sam is an extremely immature young man (christ, I hope he's young) and at worst, given the "aggression" mentioned by him, he may well need to talk with someone about this and perhaps other issues.

This letter is particularly unsettling.

Sam, it's difficult enough to read signals from fellow workers, but when a person tells you she's in love with her husband, loyal to him, wants to have his babies, she's really laying it out for you in no uncertain terms, and for you to carry this deulusion around as you're doing is extremely unhealthy for you and for any friendship you may currently enjoy with this woman. Putting some distance between the two of you would be a wise move right now.

Seriously, talk to someone, whether it be an older male relative, good male friend or a psychologist. This sort of obsessive thinking in an adult male is not even close to okay. This could be the opening to a great growing experience or it could just drive you deeper into what seems very poor socialization. Others who suggest what the woman's husband might feel about this are absolutely correct. If you were mature enough to understand this you wouldn't even have to distract yourself from these baseless fantasies. You'd have plenty of unease to divert you from those thoughts. That you don't serves as a signal that something is not quite right on your end. Please have this looked at.

My condolences. It's such a big thing to lose one's mother. I'm very, very sorry for your loss.

Or at least I hope it's a troll. I was torn between "troll" and "actual creepy stalker guy" but the "for some reason" bewilderment over why a woman would want to be faithful to her husband pushed me towards the "troll" verdict. That is just too over the top.

Gah, I sure hope it's a troll...

I'm going to give you credit for meaning that "for some reason, she's loyal to him" as a bit of humor. I think you can say what you want to, and there are certainly times in my life I thought I would have been better off just saying something, even if it didn't bring the desired result. You need to be ready for a big mess, though, one way or another. You'll lose her as a friend in the long run. I say that because accepting drinks from a friend while saying she wants her husband's babies does not mean she really wants you. If that's it, the drinks, not very promising.

Cary-- my deepest condolences.

So, LW, you are smitten by a coworker.

She has, by your own admission, made it clear to you that she is committed to her marriage, in love with her husband, and not available for the kind of relationship your fantasies project.

And still you don't hear this as a NO, as a Back-Offer. You refuse to accept and respect her wishes because they conflict with your own ego and your own fantasy life. Instead you are trying to find a way around it. some excuse for denial. You are not behaving like a man of honor (what used to be called a "gentleman"). You are not listening. You are projecting.

Co-workers have a special relationship. You have to spend a certain amount of time everyday in the same office space so as to do your job and collect your pay. It helps a lot if everyone can have amicable interactions and relationships. It is destructive to everyday life if there are underlying tensions, especially those related to sexual harassment. That is just a well-known fact of office life.

Cary offers good advice, but not forcefully enough. Your attraction to this woman is your problem to rise above, and you need to rise above it. She may need this job to help support her family, or to do what she feels needs to be done for her own personal reasons.

You want to be really obnoxious? Make her life a living hell by putting "the moves" on her everyday in the office, get her to succumb to your "charms", and then see which one of you quits the job first.

btw, you didn't mention where you are in the office hierarchy, e.g. are you her supervisor or something?

"Bogeys" (?) and smelly dirty backsides? LOL. Did you just hit puberty yesterday????

That is what you have to make yourself think about to deal with the reality of this woman's unavailability?

You are far far far too immature to have a relationship at all. Until you grow up-- significantly-- stick to crushes on completely unavailable women but don't let yourself become a stalker, there are serious ramifications to that. Be her friend, as you entertain her on some level and remind her of less complicated times in her life, I suppose.

You add the "for some reason" you don't want to think why she might love her husband -- bizarre, narcissistic comment on your part. Do you have a borderline personality disorder?

I guess you can't understand this woman's loyalty to her husband because you really just don't get what marriage is about. The day she starts having this man's babies-- assuming he is her birthing coach-- is the day all concerns about bogeys (boogers?) and dirty backsides go out the window.

Marriage is the real deal, blood sweat and tears. Someone you love in all physical reality--- farts and all-- not some airbrushed fantasy ideal you pin up on your bedroom wall.

Even if she weren't already taken, you'd be a terrible match for her because she couldn't be her stinky, sweaty, human pre-shower self if she were to spend any significant time with you. That is no way to live or love.