While reading the letter I got the distinct feeling that either English is not the author's first language or that he is from a decidedly non-Western background.

True, he may just be a sociopath who has no idea how relationships work in the real world, but the tone of his letter was one of someone on the outside looking in. Since he didn't appear to have any malice towards his co-worker or the situation, I'm not sure if he's just not accustomed to what's going on. A married woman have drinks alone with a male co-worker, which sounds innocent enough to most people, might be something completely foreign to him.

Just a thought.

Because she loves him dude, not you, get on with your life.

their behavior may be completely appropriate...let's not judge.

Lots of people with Aspergers' become creepy stalkers too. And I'm sure people with irritable bowel syndrome can too, if they take some disposable wipes along.

That's what this guy should do. If she's not really married, it'll make him seem attractive. If she is, he'll find someone else and get over her.

Yes, I think Sam could be Samantha. I do think that cheating is wrong, even in that situation.

Having people question sexuality or try to "convert" you is disrespectful and disgusting. I have lesbian friends who have had men do this. I have a good male friend who has had women do this same stuff despite how clear he is about his orientation. I've had a few lesbians in my time disrespect my sexuality because they wanted to believe I'm gay, despite the husband.

It's a deep insult. It's telling a person that what he or says is not important, that he or she is easily manipulated. If Sam is Samantha, she needs to stop.

I feel for the husband in your friend's case. People on the down low hurt a lot of people. He is far more civilized than I ever would have been. She could have divorced him before finding another partner.

Respect means a lot to me.

Agile Cyborg I'm not saying that people should kill over cheating. Point is, in many part of the USA, people have gotten off serving time because it was a crime of passion. LW doesn't get the emotional, irrational situation he wants to get himself into.

Speaking personally, if anyone threatened my kids lives I don't know what I'd do. Trying to break up my marriage would threaten the lives of my kids. As my elderly mother once said to me re: parenting 'You'd die for your spouse, you'd kill for your children'. She's totally right, and I suspect you know that. I'm not saying that people who cheat deserve death, I'm saying that messing around with married people carries risks that LW doesn't understand. There are instincts stonger than lust.

Short answer - no.

Now, get yourself into therapy and find out why you feel compelled to act like a creepy stalker.

OK that really blew my mind enough to re-read the post, and if you put in female gender it reads more realistically. The disgust at wanting to be loyal to husband and having kids...does it make more sense or is it merely more entertaining? What a great twist!

Oh, and LW is still a creepy stalker.

Please accept my deepest sympathy.

And I can hardly believe it.

First off, I am with the (apparent) minority who think this letter is nothing more than a gag. But let's suppose it's real.

Is "I love my husband," and "I want his babies" ordinary water cooler chatter between a young man and a young woman? Is it really? (Like, you all have never heard of hormones?)

Please, if she goes on and on about this -- if that is really true and not an exaggeration or flat-out lie on the part of an unhinged LW -- chances are it is a big come-on.

In fact, there are not many bigger ones. It's a way of saying, "I'm the perfect lover. I don't just want babies, I want my lover's babies. I'm unattainable . . . maybe . . . probably. I am a challenge . . . the biggest you've ever met. Do you want to take me on?"

For the women out there, haven't you ever had a man use the fact that he is the World's Most Perfect Father as a rap? I can't believe you haven't heard that one. My first experience with it was over 20 years ago, and my most recent was very recent. (The one from 20 years ago even showed me pictures of himself with his little boy, and girlfriend, who was living abroad. Then he expected to score. No. I'm not kidding.)

It's sometimes enticing, yes, and it's exactly the proposition you should turn down. I always do.

If LW is for real, and if he is telling the truth about this woman and about the fact that she shares the intimate details of her marriage with him -- a bare acquaintance from work -- and if she has gone so far as to drink with him solo and talk like this, then I would tell him that in all likelihood he's being played. She's not perfect at all. She's an egomaniac. Love? Love is not selfish, love is kind.

End this idiocy now. Because that is exactly what it is.

The LW is being smart in picturing his co-worker doing unglamorous stuff. That's one of the recommended ways to realize that that person is a regular human being, not some perfect object of desire--to kind of bring that person down to earth. When people over-idealize someone they are essentially comparing their insides to that person's "perfect" outsides--and seeing that person as everything they want, or would like to be.

I remember every one of my own unavailable women. Two seemed available, yet would not commit to my love, or whatever it was. Maybe they knew something I did not. I wish I could ask them what was it that made them friendly to VERY friendly, but no commitment?

Another, was much later in life and I had no business even dreaming, but I did anyway. It is amazing how screwed up your mind can get when hormones play tricks.

I do wish those women would just come out and say, at a very early time, that they are not interested or are attached, definitely attached. I have too many surprises from women who like to flirt and then, sometime in the future, finally tell you they are taken. YUK!

Anyway, Cary, thanks for the advice. Maybe I can remember it the next time and put up that closed gate. These crushes can be very time consuming and sometimes you miss the right one, while playing around with the wrong one.

I think that I am through playing that game forever. Wasn't really worth the trouble.