OK, I don't know THIS guy, but used to work with a guy just like this. He developed a crush on me. He pestered me for 'friend dates' (I never accepted), he took my politeness/kindness as an invitation to continue. He accused me a lying when I told him I had a boyfriend (he was right, I was lying). He was relentless. Eventually, I was forced to go to my supervisor because his behavior became more creepy and aggresive the more I pushed him away. He was suspended. He came back from his suspension and threatened me. He was fired. He came back to the building and I had to be escorted home and find a new place to live for a while.

I'm still afraid I'll run into this psycho.

Letter writer does not see this woman as a fellow human being with her own agenda. He see's her as an object of desire. And that right there is dangerous.

LW has a great tool to get dates...a hot wingwoman. She could help him hook up with others. Perhaps once she sees him with other women, she'll realize how badly she wants LW; she'll leave her abusive husband and they can have their dreamed Vulcan wedding on the SS WTF Was I Thinking...Or

Reality will be that she can help him hook up, he'll find another fish in the sea and they can remain friends/ co-workers. Maybe LW could double date with her co-worker and her husband. Once LW meets him, and if he is cool, LW's feelings may dwindle.

In some parts of the USA, if a man kills somebody banging his wife, he'll do no time in prison at all - 'crime of passion' and all that. Of course if it was me it'd not be a problem, as they'd never find the body. LW, messing with another man's lifestyle, living, wife or family is a good way to get messed up or even killed, and nobody on earth would be sorry for you.

-- marc22309

Hmmm... I'd say any man or woman that kills over infidelity is, well, insane and should be imprisoned for a very long time.

Passion does not excuse barbaric behavior and no one should be killed over a fling.

And, yes, there are people on this earth who view that sort of thing as despicable and savage.

Yes, that was a huge red flag for me. Only really scary people can't understand that. You can be jealous of her fidelity to her husband, but if you truely don't get it ... scary stuff. At the least you're an arrogant jerk, at the worst, a sociopath.

"2) To all you who accused the LW of being a stalker or of being stupid for understanding why she has loyalty to her husband, does it make a difference to you if Sam turns out to be short for Samantha? I'm not saying that is the LW's name, but I was curious."

Whoah, dude, you just totally blew my mind!

OK, seriously, if Sam is a woman it explains SO MANY THINGS in this letter, especially her reacting to the news that the co-worker was married with anger (which everyone agrees was an odd and inappropriate reaction). If she had assumed all along that the object of her desire was also lesbian and then had her heterosexuality dropped into conversation like a pitcher of icy water over her head, her intense reaction might be merited. (As long as she kept it internal, and I suppose even then disappointment should've been the normal reaction.) Perhaps the anger, and the complete lack of understanding as to how this woman could love her husband are the result of a militant lesbian feminism. (I have friends who identify as "separatists", I kid you now, lesbians who believe that lesbians ideally should live in male-free communities. How that'll work for their sons is a small detail they don't seem to have worked out as a group yet.)

Soo there's our answer. Sam is a militant lovesick feminist separatist misogynist.

Next letter!

Cary, you have my most sincere and heartfelt condolences on your mother's passing. Take all the time you need; you have many friends, both tangible and in cyberspace.

LW, I congratulate you for defining the phrase, "Exercise in futility."

Getting a crush is normal. Having feelings for someone who is unavailable or when one is unavailable is normal.

Clearly expecting, however, that despite all strong evidence to the contrary, that there is a chance for LW and this woman is strikingly delusional. This is evidenced by LW's statement that "for some reason", the object of his affection is devoted to her husband. That statement alone is a red flag indicating his feet are not even grazing planet earth.

With the risk of sounding patronizing, LW is being very immature re the situation. Has he never encountered the experience of wanting someone you can't have? Comprehending and accepting the reasons why a romance cannot blossom is part and parcel of adult life. It's the ability to step outside of one's self, as Cary hints, and realize that just because one has feelings does not entitle one to act out on or satisfy those feelings.

Given the above, I would not be surprised to learn if LW is very young. My hope for him is that he in time is wizened and matured by this experience and that he does not succumb to his delusions.

I stand by my prior post: THE most selfish and creepy poster EVER.

Who should stay away from women until (s)he learns how to interact with people who have other emotional commitments.

Not only do I think she should be hit, the crush needs to hit her too. Disrespecting stated sexuality would just make it worse.

Sam as Samantha makes sense, but doesn't change one thing I wrote. She's married. This is selfish and weird. Most gays would not do this.

Sam as Samantha makes sense, but doesn't change one thing I wrote. She's married. This is selfish and weird. Most gays would not do this.

-- domini

This is verry interesting.

I have a friend in my business circle who has a close friend who is the father of four kids who recently lost his closet-lesbian wife to another lesbian.

He behaved quite admirably about it in spite of his dismay. From what I understand he even asked if the two would consider living as a couple in his house to better assist with the four kids due to the fact that he held a demanding job.

Wild. Sam could be Samantha, no doubt.