The letter writer seems tobe exhibitng a certain level of sexual immaturity that has repulsed many of the posters. His descriptions of the methods he futility employs to maintain self control seem to have come from Pat Conroy's novel the Great Santini, from the coach- "Just imagine her taking a big dump boys".

A short term course of therapy is called for here, or suffer long term consequences.

"She tends to be, for some reason, very loyal to her husband..."

You mean instead of YOU? lol

Hey, you got a problem with obsession here. But what's worrisome is the anger that you often feel over this matter because you are caught up in something going on in only YOUR HEAD!

Best go get some help before you lose that job and maybe do something really, really, stupid.

Hey Gigi - Sam being Samantha is like the 'the calls coming from inside the house!' twist - don't ruin it for me!

but can you imagine the look on this guy's face if he comes back here and sees how many people do?

That should give him the figurative cyberkick in the behind that he so clearly needs.

Hilarious! I think you all have done him a big favor.

that you are suffering a deep loss. Losing your mother can be very hard, even when you're no longer a 'child'. You were always her child. Hope you manage to bear it all, and continue to do your magic on these pages.

have some class and stalk a movie star.

Those of us writing to gloat about how great it'll be when the husband socks him in the nose or even kills him in a jealous rage, on the other hand, are solid black belts in reality checking. No chance we're going off the deep end. Nope.

Granted, our letter-writing crusher is solipsistic and is plainly going quite mad. The first line of this letter doesn't fit the rest: "complicated and important matter"? How is this complicated, exactly, other than in the ways Sam distorts everything about the situation? One need only imagine the reaction of the crushee if she found out about his various "bogey" imaginings. The idea of someone being smitten with you becomes significantly less flattering when you know they've been picturing your pimply haunch cellulite during every friendly chat, but then that's the twisted state of Sam's internal life. The woman's flown all the usual (unsubtle) "taken" signals, and Sam's flag is still a' snapping in that almost nonexistent breeze.

For every strange "for some reason" or "kept that aggression inside" in the letter, though, we can count two or three among these letters. Go on, imagine up scenarios involving the husband's reaction to this "ultimate disrespect." Build more elaborate ideas on that foundation -- legal exemptions for crimes of passion, and so on. Yikes!

All things considered, Cary's erred on the side of a forgiving, human response that immediately gets at how thoroughly LW is deluding himself. Even if the letter's a "bit," Mr. Tennis does say a few words that ring true -- about how to keep feelings like this without betraying anyone. That's about what one can do, from the seat of a Web advice columnist.

This is not love - it's a mix of sexual attraction and borderline obsession.

Find some single women to date!!!! There are plenty out there!!! And get a hobby or start exercising or do something to channel your obsessive energies in a healthier direction. Something that won't hurt anyone else!

Hey Agile Cyborg - First, the only way to make the letter interesting is in viewing LW is a bit of a loonie. Otherwise LW is just a bore (or my first guess, a hoax). Sam becoming Samantha makes an otherwise annoying letter something out of a thriller IMO.

Re: killing peeps - I have no problem with people flirting with my wife, online or in real life*. If she wanted to bring another person into our relationship (especially a hot chick) I'd certianly consider it and not be heading to the Greensboro Gun Show. My point was about how messing with married people isn't exactly smart on the 'I want to live a long time' level. I underscored it with one's instinct towards protecting one's children - somebody tries to break up my marriage they aren't just messing with my wife or myself, they are messing with my kids. I suspect I'm not the only parent that wouldn't be rational when it comes to somebody messing with my kids, because that's messing with biological impulses that have been with us since before we were humans (or even primates).

*Flirting is good for people and she's a trustworthy person.

= not genuine.

Either that or some 12 year old has enough early facial hair to have scored an office job.

Trying to break up my marriage would threaten the lives of my kids. As my elderly mother once said to me re: parenting 'You'd die for your spouse, you'd kill for your children'. She's totally right, and I suspect you know that. I'm not saying that people who cheat deserve death, I'm saying that messing around with married people carries risks that LW doesn't understand. There are instincts stonger than lust.

-- marc22309

Marc, the idea that unbridled jealousy is a requirement for a healthy relationship is hogwash. You know I love you but your mind is duped.

As adults we understand the force and persuasion of attraction.

Though, I must confess, after reading many of the letters here, including yours, I am MORE persuaded that most posters are entirely out of touch with their inner passion and deep emotional response to the environment of life or they just blatantly lie due to self-delusion whenever their fingers hit a keyboard (I am not accusing you, specifically, of lying).

The idea that this LW is a stalker, is S T R A N G E, fucked up, or embodies some other evil derangement is really so absurd as to be teenage fear-drivel.

If this was truly the case then I would be more empathetic of, perhaps, the need to 'defend' the home territory.

In my view, the LW is truly being transparent not criminal or evil. A transparency MANY here are entirely incapable of and who would rather walk about looking at themselves as self-righteous deities who resist all forms of odd internal reactions and responses.

If someone TRIED to break up your marriage and your wife emotionally became involved and was maybe even led into a different relationship with someone else you would, literally, have NO business injuring ANYONE, Marc. Her choice is clear.

Now, if someone actually STALKED or emotionally harangued your wife for a relationship your best bet would be to directly confront the person or go to the cops- NOT take them out with a bullet.

If someone attempted to physically accost your wife and you happened to be there, well, then, the discussion has veered off into an entirely different topic UNRELATED to this one.