Offer Joboo rum, beer, cigar, banana.

It works. It's dangerous.

..until you've lived in a culture where it is practiced.

When I lived in Taiwan in the early 1980s my first landlady, by then a grandmother, had a tale to tell. She was her parents' first born, but the new family was soon broken up when her "Nai Nai" (paternal grandmother) fell ill. Her parents consulted a fortune teller, the filial response, who informed them, "It is the child who has brought the illness into the home, you will have to place the child with others to restore mother's health." Her mother did not want to do that. But her father prevailed, his duty to care for his mother was greater than to his child. So they found a childless couple who gladly took her in. Nai Nai died several weeks later. Her birth parents tried to get her back but the other couple said, "It's a done deal." Ironically, this gave her a lot of confidence. "I was a girl, no one wanted girls but I had two sets of parents fighting over me!"

Undoubtedly your still-born daughter's Haitian family members will see this as proof voodoo works. But there's no reason you have to let them do a number on your head, despite the obvious pain you must be in. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Despite advances in medicine, not every child can be born healthy.

I am sorry for your loss. I agree with Cary. Be with those who love you and recognize your sorrow.

No, voodoo did not play a part in your baby's death. If your daughter's father and his family even joke that they are somehow responsible for this they are cruel and stupid and do not deserve your attention. These "spiritual" people you mention are freaks.

Talk to your doctor. Cut the whack-jobs out of your life if possible, and ignore them either way. Grieve your baby. Move on.

"Your grieving is also a kind of burnt offering to the life that was lost. You are the altar of this burnt offering; it burns within you and on your surface. That is some of the sharp pain you feel: You are the altar of this offering yet you are not made of stone. You burn. You make your offering of flesh and spirit in a daily ritual of obeisance; your body makes this ritual of obeisance despite your wishes for it to stop."

Some of the most elegant and powerful thoughts on grief I've ever encountered. Thank you, Cary. You really nailed that one.

I am so sorry about the death of your baby girl.

I'd stay clear of these people. They sound like a rotten lot.

People cannot voodoo your kid away any more than than the Catholic Church can pray their enemies away. Sorry for your loss, but no, Voodoo had nothing to do with it.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Cary says, "...it is an outrage that anyone close to you would not grieve this loss with you. ..." Yes, it is an outrage. Keep these people away from you and tend to yourself as best as you can.

"no".

But deep sympathies on the loss of your daughter. I can imagine nothing worse

I'm from New Orleans and I have children of the orisha in the family. You never curse people or unborn. If you do, it comes back to you three-fold. No hoodoo would condone that or set gris gris to do it. This is garden variety nastiness.

No, voodoo had nothing to do with this. In that faith, the spirits would never do this. They would get him instead for the suggestion.

I take it you are not with the man. Mourn your child, and consider him and his family dead, too.

If you are in New Orleans or other places with true orisha, you can have them thrown out of the community. Cursing an unborn child is an act of incredible evil. There's no excuse. Papa Legba would not excuse it. If you want to mess with his mind when you see him, shake your head and tell him the spirits are looking for him. Or get a hoodoo to tell him that powerful gris gris has been set against him. Someone can send him a black candle with his name on a piece of paper pinned to it.

I am so sorry for your loss, and for this groups of jerks who say something like this to make it worse. How vicious.

One never wants to curse the dead, they have powers of revenge far beyond anything mere mortals can dream of. So the paternal relatives of the still-born baby should be doing everything in their power to much sure her soul gets to heaven.

My sympathies for your terrible loss.

You might find some solace in the company of other parents who have suffered the same. Check out: http://www.glowinthewoods.com/

I learned about this site when I interviewed Elizabeth McCracken, the novelist, who wrote a memoir about losing her first son:

http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/feature/2008/09/24/stillborn/print.html

Katharine

Of course you are heartbroken, but you will always be a mother. .That means that your child's welfare is ever present in your mind ABOVE ALL THINGS. Her welfare is your only goal.Use your connection to her to guide her to a place of freedom and light - a place where she is merged into infinite love.Don't hold her to you but help her to reach a place where she will know great joy and be free of suffering

Energy never disappears- it only changes form.Know that she will always be present in beauty and in your heart.Perhaps you will know her again in a another form.

Any person involved with evil intention,especially toward the innocent will receive their own poison many times over. Get away from these people.Don't allow them to take your mind to a place of confusion, it will harm your daughter. At this time you need to allow only tenderness and love around you so you can point her on her journey. Hold steady and guide your daughter to the place of light.