And no, the christian contemplative communities just don't let anyone in who decides to divorce their spouse and become a contemplative.

I think it is worth saying that nobody is more expert on people who are trying to run away from the world and themselves than cloistered monks and nuns-- they see it all the time. From what I have read, no matter how much of a shortage there is of contemplatives, it is actually very difficult to be admitted.

They are especially wary of people who are hoping to find someplace that will take care of them when they are old because they have nowhere else to go, or who want the church to provide for their retirement. The latter is the more common reason for turning people away-- they generally want you to be under forty and in excellent health, and judging by my aunts' examples, you will work and minister until you can't anymore. Secular vocations are different (mainly because the secular conemplatives do not ask the church to support them) and maybe this flexibility is one reason why they are growing.

All that said, I still don't know why people are jumping all over the LW. His letter was very short, gave very little info about his life, and made it clear that he wanted to pursue his vocation *and* married. The only thing we know is a.) He feels a alling to a vocation, b.) Has independent means and could retire early if he wanted and, c.) Is married and wants to know if it is possible to pursue this goal if he is married. That's it. Big whup. We don't if fact even know that the LW is male or Catholic, though there are reasons why people are reading that between the lines.

St. Augustine, Siddharta Guatama to name just two.

Huh? Am I missing something? Everyone seems to assume the LW is male (and some have even suggested that "he" wants to "check out of his responsibilities"--isn't that just like a man?). Y'know, there are women contemplatives in many different religions.

Jeez, remind me never to send an exploratory kind of question in to a Salon advice columnist, because all the personal anxieties that commenters project onto the most innocuous-sounding life choices of others (i.e., whether or not to get an air conditioner) will make it too loud in here to think.

It's enough to make one want to withdraw into a contemplative life.

Check out Caroline Heilbrun's little book on this subject....a contemplative read in which she explores solitude.

How odd when people think that contemplation comes easily, it is the same concept as lets say having fun. There are times, when being contemplative is just not going to happen. There is reality, and that can have many ups and downs, depending on what is going on. Contemplative, means to take adherence to sense of peace that is in our surroundings and being able to share it appropiately with others. Others who may be confounded on taking the Contemplation and shoving it where the sun dosent' shine. There are many other examples that bring contemplation, but one needs to be diverse and willing to show again and again, how this principle works, and to what degree will it advance me, or more commonly put, "whats in it for me"? While being married, I wouldn't put a bet, that your spouse or any other spouse can be completely opposite of what you might be thingking. That seems to work well with many that are in some kind of very odd or unique type of work setting, then for others it happens, but make no mistake under the smooth veneer, some person is hard at work thinking of how to market supposed fun, peace, tranquility, the odds are that to be truly at peace or calm, you need to be capable of supporting what ever endeaveor your consider.

Is he already grounded in a faith tradition and wants to deepen his relationship to god/reality/whatever you call it? This is the starting point for living the "contemplative life." And someone like Cary would not be the correct person to ask these questions, it would be his spiritual director and/or other in his faith community/sangha/whatever it is. Christians do claim an either/or for the contemplative life vs. the married or lay life (i.e. everyone else who is not privileged to have their lifestyles supported by the faithful) and in the catholic tradition this usually entails the path to theological study and ordination in a specific monastic tradition (OK you can become a "Brother" esp. wit Fransicans but the idea is the same).

One can go a very long way with the contemplative life while married and living in the world even in catholicism. But this guy seems to be a lazy schmuck with shallow ideas about himself and what a contemplative vocation is - it's about his vanity, ego, and self perceptions, not about immersion of himself into reality. Newbies to the monastic/contemplative life in any tradition go through a phase where they get past this phase and find it is a lot of hard work without emotional reward.

LW, you should read St Teresa of Avila on her stages of prayer and the contemplative life, and St John of the Cross. If you are really being inspired to a contemplative life, you are in the very beginning phases and have a very long way to go. And no, the christian contemplative communities just don't let anyone in who decides to divorce their spouse and become a contemplative. You are likely to be rejected and steered towards a third order first, for many years, and to reconcile with your wife. And told to get a job and learn how to handle the responsibilties of being a householder first.

I think Merton was electrocuted in Thailand, not Japan.

I can totally relate to the LW's dilemma. I spent 3 months at a contemplative Catholic monastery - I was unattached at the time and what I learned is that monastics are not necessarily more evolved, nor are they necessarily contemplative. People are there for many different reasons - some were hiding out, under the guise of religion. The time was valuable to me and I have no regrets. I'm not sure what the LW's definition of contemplative is. Mine is about being in the world, in a mindful way - mindful of my own deficiencies and attempting to turn them into strengths. My partner is an extrovert and we've had to accommodate each others' needs - this has been key. It took a while before she understood that my need for contemplation/solitude was not about rejecting her, but more about me being more attentive to life.

To all the posters who view the LW's need for contemplation as an ulterior motive, I would urge you to give LW the benefit of the doubt - that this is his/her search for a deeper life, and to borrow from Viktor Frankl - "man's search for meaning".