Do not pay for her food or other needs. This is called "enabling", or "getting taken advantage of".

Find a new place to live. Why on earth would you stay with someone who doesn't pay her share of the bills? NO ONE has a personality that good. Unless there's an obligation of kinship or marriage... DTMFA.

I've noticed in many people there is a thrill in buying stuff (100% of my kids LOVE spending money). Not that I'd call shopping addictive, but I can see how if there's mental pleasure stemming from shopping it'd be like taking a drug.

The whole point of ebay or any auction is getting value, which requires knowing what stuffs worth and setting limits on what you'll bid. Sadly I think there is a thrill element to bidding that's like gambling - if you're already bidding $50, it's not much more to go to $60 and maybe you can 'win'! Clearly roommate is not in control here, the thrill of buying is. If LW and roommate weren't longtime friends I'd just say 'GET OUT', but this is a friend with a real problem. Roommate is NOT in control of her life. She needs some kind of help, which others here can comment upon more intelligently than I ever will.

Cary, what are you doing? This woman's room-mate is clearly addicted and needs help. The LW needs help to stop enabling this behavior. For a man who is so keen to promote himself as having first hand knowledge of addictions, this advice is both weird and sloppy.

But she may be addicted to the deal, or to the trade, not just to shopping or hoarding. There is a difference.

She's much luckier than many shopping addicts -- they can't find a way to sell their depreciated designer rags, once they realize it doesn't bring them pleasure.

On Ebay, it's easy to turn stuff around for the same price -- possibly even a profit.

So Cary's advice isn't all wrong. She might indeed be able to turn it into a vocation of sorts. If she can let her things go.

Many people waste hours on Ebay because they feel like they need to be around watching the last seconds of auctions, so other bidders don't snatch things away.

These people need help. They need sniping software which will automatically bid in the last few seconds of an auction. The people they're 'bidding against' in the last seconds are using it, so they should too.

There are several free sniping websites -- I like gixen.com. For tracking a large number of auctions, there are convenient sites with low monthly fees like justsnipe.com.

Cary, I like your writing, but I can't for the life of me figure out your advice here. The woman is barely leaving the house, overspending, and telling her roommate that she's buying things because the world depresses her. It's clear that she's addicted, but I would submit that the addiction is a symptom of some form of depression, or another mental illness that shares symptoms.

Letter Writer, you say your roommate is socially isolating herself and says she's depressed. Is she showing any other warning signs of depression: does she over sleep or suffer from insomnia; have trouble concentrating; overeat or under eat; has she expressed hopelessness in life, or is she complaining of fatigue, headaches or muscle aches? Has she ever even casually discussed suicidal feelings? Is she restless or sluggish during the day? If so, you might want to talk to her about how she is feeling lately, if she has been down, and if she knows why. IT could be that she knows that she's doing something wrong with her purchasing habits, but she is so depressed and in such a bad state that she doesn't know how to stop. I was in much a similar situation myself ten years ago, when I was addicted -- not to ebay, but to the internet. Turns out I just had untreated and undiagnosed clinical depression, and a few other illnesses.

It may be that she'd be more willing to talk with you about her feelings than about her addictive behavior.

I wish you the best. Both of you. Whether her addiction is coming from depression or another source, it's going to be difficult for her to break especially if she won't admit openly that she has a problem.

...but don't help her out either.

It sounds like she has some sort of shopping compulsion. Personally, I almost always use the "Buy It Now" feature rather than waiting around for the end of the auction.

Some people, however, are drawn to the thrill of winning and that becomes more important than whatever they are bidding on. Hence, they deplete their funds buying junk.

Anyone who's been to Vegas is aware of the bells and whistles that go off when someone has won with the slots, whereas those hundreds of people feeding quarters into the machines do so in silence. It's those bells and whistles that incite compulsive gamblers.

Next time she complains of being out of money, I would gently suggest a compulsive shoppers group (no doubt run like AA).

I agree with Nicole.

Are you dating, married, or otherwise betrothed to this person? If not, extricate yourself from the financial intimacies of this person immediately. I can't for the life of me understand why are you are choosing to tie your financial health to a...a...roommate? Why? Why? Why?

And besides, it should be her writing in for advice, not you. She's the one with the problem, not you. My only advice to you is: get out!

...and ebay not only provides stimulation and distraction, but also some form of companionship. She seems to revel not only in the chase, but in the validation she receives from the sellers, as evidenced by her obsession with maintaining her 100% Feedback rating. Similarly, working out deals with vendors may also provide her with a feeling of comraderie as well as accomplishment.

To those who say, "Just get out," that seems really harsh and cruel. First of all, it's clear that they're more than just roommates; they're friends. Second, the LW seems pretty level-headed and unlikely to end up in financial trouble over this; she seems to know where to draw the line.

I would say to the LW, Engage her as much as possible. Get her out of the house. Tell her you need her to go somewhere with you--make something up if necessary. Tell her you're going shopping for a particular item and need her expertise. Help her to feel like part of a larger world than the one that she has cocooned -- and ultimately trapped -- herself in.

And unless she really is addicted to things, rather than the chase or the simulated companionship that ebay provides, maybe you could encourage her to start selling. Give her a few things of yours you'd like to sell and offer her a 10% commission. She may get to like it so much she starts selling things of her own when you don't have anything left you'd like to sell.

But to me, the biggest part of the equation is still to get her out of the house and engaged in real human company again. Good luck. She's lucky to have a friend like you, in my opinion.